This is so true. I'm 37 now, and I'm struggling with that - I'll come up with a project idea, only to second-guess myself whether it's ambitious or innovative enough, and really worth spending the limited time I have available. I end up questioning whether it would really count, or just serve as frivolous self-entertainment.
When I was younger, it was good enough that ideas were interesting or would help me achieve mastery. Once you have a bunch of well-worn skills under your belt and have plenty of options and the ability to make commitments, everything becomes just a function of effort/time and choosing what to do next becomes the biggest challenge.
I'm trying to cut myself some slack and allow myself some amount of time to pursue frivolous ideas. At least you can intentionally combine them with e.g. new implementation technologies (e.g. a new tech stack or new tools) to get important first-hand experience and maintain relevant skills (and therefore decision freedom).
I'm also hoping that some day, having kids might help me with some of these anxieties :-). If I revisit/retread older ground then perhaps to make it accessible to them at home or teach them by doing little projects together and give them a boost and allow the next generation to take it further. I.e., even doing non-innovative stuff could count, as a fundamentals teaching moment for someone else. Hope they take an interest!
Not that I'm good about those things - I do OK but not great. Sometimes (rarely, thankfully) my energy is so low I can't really code at all, sometimes I'm flying. I'd say by far the biggest factor is my overall state of positivity and optimism. And yeah, life definitely gets more complicated as you get older.
A lot of what I do at work is the same job of gluing components from vendor A to components ... also from vendor A. Gets a little boring eventually. [edit] This is why I spend more of my time at work doing organizational stuff, people stuff, mentorship and documentation/architecture as compared to how I used to spend my time.
I still have just as much fun with personal projects though.
I recently did a big change in myself - adjusted sleep, took specific supplements which I was suspect was deficient in and have found my energy to be much fuller. Do not ignore what your body is telling you.
I think it fries your dopamine and other neurologic circuits. I don't know the science for sure but I have seen enough personal anecdotal evidence on myself and others to be persuaded that the relationship is huge.
Do a screen fast for a couple of weeks and check out what happens.
Western diets (e.g. the standard american diet... what we actually eat) is fairly bad for our health which impacts our abilities.
I would recommend folks look into the Blue Zones. Where people live the longest and thrive for the longest. Look at their eating and lifestyles. One of those zones is in the US where people have work/life balances similar to folks here.
In my case, changing my diet and activity level caused my energy to go up and mental clarity to improve.
After a year of this I've dropped 20kg, and my mental clarity is back where it was when I was early 20's.
I think it was mostly the no sugar that did it.
Exercise too - I walk 2-5 km a day
Oh and cutting down what I eat too -- I only have 1 meal a day, and a smoothie in the afternoon
My major diet change was to eat like the healthiest of the Blue Zone folks. I wanted great energy now and longevity of it and my life. A diet that gives me energy now but leads to heart disease wouldn't cut it.
For that, I went plant based whole grain.
How much you eat matters, too.
A good technical book on diet is The Proof is in the Plants [1]. It covers what we need in our diets and why. For example, how much selenium do we need and what are sources of it. Despite the book title talking about plants it also covers meat and dairy. Everything covered in the book is based on the latest scientific research. It's written by a dietitian who can reference the studies.
[1] https://www.amazon.com/Proof-Plants-science-plant-based-plan...
After a month though my taste buds changed, and I really enjoy the taste of meat and vegetables now.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to eat some vegan ice cream, and I thought I would treat myself to a couple of scoops in a cup thing, and after just 2 bites it was sickly sweet, the amount of sugar made me feel really ill, and it felt like I was eating poison, so I threw it away.
Quite interesting. I do miss some foods (pizza :( ) but the mental clarity alone is worth it.
Plant based whole grain is usually a diet of the real foods themselves. Take a bean burrito that someone makes fresh. Or a stir fry using fresh veggies. So different from processed foods.
I still eat pizza. Love them carbs :)
This is an amazing insight. I’m almost 46 and feel like I’m at the top of my game, programming-wise, but also, I’m probably at my healthiest. And that’s worked-for health, not the kind that comes for free in your 20s (generally). And I think about and pay attention to energy levels during the day, and just know when I’m toast for the day and time is better spent elsewhere. I take a brief afternoon nap before coffee most days. I pay attention to when my mind is receptive to new information. I let some things bubble away in my subconscious and sometimes make new insights on walks, in the shower, or while making coffee.
Where can I obtain this for free energy?
As somebody who far away from 40, how is one supposed to "look forward" to getting older given this likelihood?
You don't have to take Responsibility A if you don't want to, but you have to live with the consequences of your decision (good or bad). It's a trade off. I want a house. I make that decision for that responsibility. I now own that responsibility knowing the duties that come with home ownership will take a portion of my time and therefore will reduce the availability of time once given to a different responsibility.
Of course, mistakes will be made, but the best part is you can most often correct mistakes in healthy and meaningful ways.
People plan towards retirement which is usually just looking forwards to not having to work anymore.
People look forward to having children and grand children.
I don't know anyone who looks forward to getting older except for the young.
It's just the mind's way of coming up with problems when there aren't any.
You're damned if you do (give up control) damned if you don't (walk through life unmarried with no kids in an apartment wondering what could've been)
Such as: owning property, owning car(s), having children, getting married, getting a mortgage, etc.
You can chose to not do any of those things and basically live like you're 20 when you're 80 (in terms of responsibilities).
But that's a very sad kind of survivor bias. You were born with your quickness, but you have to earn the experience. Not everyone ends up middle-aged with useful experience. You hear only from the ones who do. And nobody has a time machine.
So look forward to reaping the benefit of experience, but let that be a warning that experience doesn't happen for free. Use your youth to acquire as many lifelong skills as possible. Use those skills in challenging ways to develop judgment. Use your skills and judgment to develop meaningful relationships with people who have chosen similar strategies.
Being able to offer solid skills, judgment, and relationships, rather than the ability to work consecutive 18-hour days, is what you'll have to look forward to.
Responsibilities seem to multiply. And as you age you sometimes find you're not only caring for kids potentially but aging parents. It's a lot.
1 - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4015335/#:~:tex....
I went for many years without an exercise habit. About 5 months ago I started lifting weights. The transformation has defied all my expectations and the biggest unexpected benefit is that my mind has become sharper, faster and more focused. I essentially feel like I've reversed a decade's worth of brain and body aging by going into the gym and lugging some iron around a couple times a week.
Around the same time I started cutting back on alcohol intake and cleaned up my diet a bit. So it could be any of these factors but I think it's a combination of all of them, as you get older, you need to maintain your body or it'll deteriorate and take your mind with it.
But when I had kids it forced me to move and do things. Now I feel better in my '40s than I did in my '30s.
It’s probably not possible from a physics standpoint to replace motion induced pumping/diffusion with pure chemistry.
Its possibly people may isolate the two effects separately
Reducing, stopping, counteracting mental decline is a holy grail in medicine. I think there has been some progress here.
And on the general mental acuity note there are things like modafinil.
The best things known work are do what you need to do to get good sleep, and find some way to exercise routinely.
This is kind of where I always have been, I find exercise to be a loathsome and boring chore, a necessary evil that gets in the way of things I would rather be doing.
It’s worth it for the global effect on my energy levels and health. But it remains true that for some of us, exercise is never a source of enjoyment, and I understand why many people can’t get through that to do it anyway.
I feel the same way with exercise. People tell me that you feel good after and I never do. People tell me that you feel a "good" soreness in your body and I never do. I just feel sore.
I wonder what's different about people like you and me where we don't enjoy this process the way some other people do? Do you think it's been studied?
The feeling after's nice, though. Would take that in a pill form, for sure.
I wish I felt like this. Exercise is tolerable when I'm doing something at the same time (walking, chatting, listening to music) but that's enjoyment despite the exercise, not because of it.
My theory is that when you're young, your body has a much wider margin for error. A few drinks or sloppy exercise routines never seemed to impact my work. As I've aged, the margin has shrunk, and now there's a measurable effect that I can no longer ignore. Aging is in itself a handicap, but now after too many drinks, the next day both my cognitive sharpness and motivation to even care about shoveling bits around a network have declined.
Now I need to actively stack the deck in my favor, rather that engaging in behaviors that further handicap myself. So that means exercise, a sleep routine, zero alcohol most days of the week, reducing stress, all that goddamn stuff I never had to worry about ;)
Another way to think of it is this: at 40 or 50, can you afford to be lugging around a 20% RHR penalty all day? That will surely come home to roost, probably in the form of atherosclerosis. Remember the most common clinical presentation for a heart attack sufferer is not chest pain, but being dead on arrival.
I bring this up because it's worth nothing that our bodies and minds are remarkably good at covering up problems until far too late. When you get those early warning signals (high RHR, feeling of cognitive decline, etc) trust your body, be proactive, and employ countermeasures.
Last year for unrelated reasons I wound up not drinking at all for a few weeks. All of my heart & sleep metrics were improved by large amounts. When I zoom out for the full year view it's obvious immediately when that was in the aggregate data.
In terms of how this knowledge affects my behavior? I'll still tie one on at about the same frequency. But the casual "sure why not, I'll have a beer" is gone. Whenever I'm about to consume alcohol I think about if the amount of enjoyment I'll be receiving is worth the downside & act accordingly.
The other wearable that has had an extreme impact on my lifestyle has been a Dexcom CGM through Levels. I could write pages about this, but in some ways it has been more impactful than anything else. Knowing how your body reacts to particular foods, and seeing the immediate feedback is super eye opening.
And it extends into sleep as well, looking at what your blood glucose does overnight based on stress, exercise, what you ate, when you ate it, it's quite amazing to see how this subsystem in your body is reacting.
I'll never forget the first time I ate sushi (which mentally I thought of as a "light" food, even a snack) only to see my blood glucose rocket past 200 mg/dLf.
You can also see the effect of alcohol here. Not just with carbohydrate heavy beers, but with the fact alcohol itself suppresses your blood glucose levels, since it causes your pancreas to spike insulin, which disposes of glucose. So it's yet another way alcohol causes a disturbance in your body's attempts at homeostasis.
Alas, a CGM through levels is quite pricey because of US healthcare bullshit about giving CGMs to people without a diabetes diagnosis, but doing a month or two of CGM once per year I think it's a great investment (approx $200 for three sensors which last a total of 30 days)
The battery life is very good, I typically get several days to a single charge, which is far better than the Apple Watch. But most importantly it's comfortable to wear during sleep - indeed it takes the majority of its measurements only while you're sleeping. YMMV but there's no way I can wear an Apple Watch to sleep, while the Oura ring works perfectly. I've worn the last two generations of Oura ring and would definitely recommend.
Gen3 app without premium subsciption is very limitied https://youtu.be/c4AVLGwkJHo?t=193
In this recent survey of nootropics [1], weightlifting was better than dozens of chemicals. In fact, it was third only to Dexedrine and Adderall. It scored better than Ritalin! And its variance is tighter than most substances, meaning it's one of the most likely means to improve results for anyone who takes it on.
Personally, I agree. After covid sapped some of my energy, it took about 2-3 months to get back to my average gym sessions and now I feel so much better. Happier, tougher, etc. When I am in shape, the geometry of the world around me changes. A distance or effort I might consider looks, feels, and is more in reach after a few weeks of rows, lunges, pushups, hanging, swinging, light cardio, biking, etc.
[1] https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/link-troof-on-nootropi...
Make sure you ramp load gradually if you have lifted in the past, your muscle memory can return faster than your connective tissue strength leading to injury risk if you stack the weight aggressively.
This! Dealing with this right now :(
Years ago, I used a trainer in a gym to kickstart a plan, and I found it very useful.
The way I am managing to build my habit: Only do group sessions. If you want to go fast you go alone, but if you want to go far you go together. I know that group sessions are the only thing that give me enough structure to continue.
So maybe it will help you get started as it did for me? Personally I went to a fairly expensive gym so the groups are small. This to minimise risk of injury. Try it if you can afford it.
Start with push-ups. They're fast and require nothing but a flat surface. You can always transition to lifting weights later.
Start today, ideally right now. Seriously. It's your only chance. Tomorrow there'll be an even better reason not to.
Don't worry about initial quantity. You can start with two push-ups, that's fine. It'll take ten seconds if as much.
Repeat every day.
When you feel it got too easy, increment by one starting the following day, not at the moment.
I tried 3 times a week or whatever, and every day you'll find some excuse to push exercising to the morrow.
But doing exactly the same routine every day was key. Then the routine evolves with time, but it's almost always the same routine. I started with a few pushups, then added burpees, then I bought some weights and added a few movements, then I started running 300m a day the first week, and augmented gradually until I ran 42 km every single week.
* I hired a personal trainer. Actually, two of them, scheduled on different days, to reduce the chance that I would saddle myself with a bad one and not know it. After 2 months I let go of the least effective trainer. The trainer(s) were huge at first because having an appointment with someone helped me actually get off my ass and show up, my own willpower alone was always insufficient in the past. They also exposed me to a variety of exercises which is how I learned that I really enjoyed weight lifting (and some other exercises, not so much). Nowadays I just have the one guy once a week doing form checks.
* I joined a very nice gym near my office, again as a motivator. It's easier to attach one habit to another habit, and the habit of going to work is pretty ingrained, so "walk across the street for one more appointment" turned getting into the gym from something hard to something that was basically automatic. My workout is my favorite part of the week now because my gym also has a great jacuzzi and afterwards I get to plop into the jacuzzi, veg out and catch up on podcasts.
* In terms of the "technology" around weight lifting specifically. I'll triple emphasize just hiring a good trainer and just following their instructions at first. But once I started engaging my own brain, I found A) Correct protein/macro intake was bigger than everything else in terms of getting results. Get your daily protein to where it needs to be (which is freakishly high) and same goes for calories (depends on your current body type and intake). B) You don't have to push hard on increasing weight at the beginning at all, nor worry much about how many reps you do, just do what is fun and safe and do it regularly. C) For further education the book Starting Strength and the Fitness Wiki maintained by Reddit's r/fitness are really good. They recommend similar beginner workouts and as an out of shape guy, you can basically start on these immediately as long as you're getting regular form checks and sticking to low weights. (I actually was so weak I had to start with just the bar or even dumbbell variants... once I started pigging out on chicken and whey, that changed very fast, increasing how much I was lifting got easier, and within a couple months I had muscles everywhere.)
Call me a wimp but I find DOMS can be a little distracting haha.
When I do expect DOMS to kick in, I drop weights to 50% my max sets (usually dropping weight vs reps). This makes me "somewhat sore" the following day but no more than that. I also put an emphasis on sleep, "clean" nutrition and supplement with electrolytes. Works really well for me.
As for low intensity cardio, I feel it's good for me, but I have to say it can be a struggle to keep it low. The feeling of "I want to push harder" can sometimes be overwhelming.
Since I retired, I have suffered a cognitive decline; everything takes longer. But, you know, I'm retired, and work expands to fill the time available.
and it just makes me tired. While I'd like to retire and think I'll financially get there sooner or later, I'm afraid that there's an underlying structure to work that I'll miss.
This trend seems genuinely goofy to me. If you have daily reports, standups, or whatever, you're going to be spending a lot of your time prepping for those. That's time that you're not spending writing actual code (or whatever you're nominally supposed to be doing).
It may well be that the OP has other load that has crept up on him; until you take a step back it's often difficult to see what's happened over a period of years.
But burnout is a thing, and sometimes you need to take stock, take a break, and maybe even make some big changes. You're only here once, so it's a good idea to give it your best shot, IMO.
As far as anyone can tell.
in short, that assignment sounds de-motivating, so you're predisposed to notice momentum is hard to establish.
and getting coherent blocks of time, to get in a flow as they say, is the challenge that hits me all the time, and which i didn't have when going to an office 20-35 years earlier (including in college i mean).
Even without burnout, sometimes a problem doesn’t motivate you and therefore you don’t really feel like solving it when there are other things that seem more interesting or more practical.
Either case, once the down period starts it’s a good signal to take some time off and get your head out of it.
On the other hand: When structuring my day with Pomodoros (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique - especially doing the rest properly, meaning just lying down doing some relaxation technique) and resisting all other harmful stuff like (to much) news or (any) social media, I feel like I'm even sharper than in my younger years. Even remembering stuff better.
So, I think those problems are to be spotted in our changing environment and internal setup more than in an aging process. At least not at 40, 50 or 60.
But... when I get on some personal project, I'm on fire. I can learn new languages and concepts and systems and build pretty complex things that people are amazed at.
I think it's more job burn out after years of writing code for other people. You write the code and you work towards the deadline like the world is going to end if you don't make it. Then that code is in production for a year or two. Maybe more if you're lucky, and then it's gone, replaced by some new thing. You stop caring quite as much. But you see these new young kids on fire and working all night and you get imposter syndrome and you try to care and you beat yourself up and think you're losing your touch. tmi?
As we age, we usually end up with more and more life responsibilities, beyond just the work we are doing. All of that is input to the brain and requires energy in response. The brain is not infinite.
I often feel as you do, but then I have periods where I am as light and agile in my productivity as 20 years ago, maybe even more so, and usually it is my life circumstances that are the culprit.
I remember once about 13 years ago I was working on a mobile game and had a similar problem as you describe; there was one day where the technical work seemed to overwhelm me and I felt inadequate. But I was just a young chap, and it was a passing moment -- I had indeed just taken on some enormous new life responsibilities at that time, which were the likely explanation.
Burnout is real, too, and giving yourself space (if you can) to relax and not think about work for a break can be quite useful to recharge.