From not being allowed inside a club for wearing a turban to being hugged by someone for being allah’s son.
Man, did being a Sikh teach me something about negative assumptions based on appearance.
I remind myself that it is nothing but a survival instinct and even I was doing this in one way or another.
10 years ago, my neighbors were Sikh (I moved since then). They had all sorts of stories about how 9/11 got them confused with Muslims.
They were pretty big extroverts, and threw a lot of parties, and came to virtually every neighborhood party. But I can't help but think that they felt the need to socialize, to make sure their neighbors knew who they were.
Those parties are how I learned what a Sikh was. Before that, I did think they were Muslim. So it worked. But yeah, it probably sucks that they had to work extra hard to make sure people understood who they were.
Its like, I'm going over to my Muslim neighbor to see their birthday party. Later on... well... actually they were Sikh and I was ignorant and didn't know the difference until I asked them.
Fortunately, my neighbors must have been very familiar with the confusion, because they handled the discussion "what is a Sikh" pretty well.
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During 9/11 itself, I was in Catholic school. The teachers made it very clear that we needed to learn more about other religions at the time. So we visited local Churches, Synagogues and Mosques as part of various field trips. So I was familiar with Muslims, Jews, Protestants.
But we never visited a Sikh temple. I simply didn't know that religion even existed until I met my neighbors a few years later.
These days I look like a hippie, sporting a full corona beard, coloured or happy message t-shirts, stretchy jeans and sandals. And it’s a whole different story, people offer me no leeway. Ironically my career and I guess wealth/status has progressed exactly opposite to my looks. So people should really stop judging anyone at face value.
A friend of mine is considered white in the country he was born in (Guyana) and black in the country he's in now (Canada), and despite being always extremely well groomed and styled, he still ends up being very very clearly followed by security whenever he goes shopping. In comparison I've been to those places while looking more than scruffy, not showered, etc.. and have received nods and smiles from the security in every one of those places. Sometimes it's even happening simultaneously: if we enter separately only one of us gets followed. And this is downtown Toronto, one of the supposedly most diverse cities on Earth.
People just don’t automatically attribute me with financial power anymore. On the flip-side, anything “being a dad” related is much better now that people assume I work less.
A friend of mine is an engineering consultant (software) and looks shabby. He met me for lunch one day after seeing a client and I said "you went to see them like that?" He said it's part of the uniform. It sends a message about being good enough not to worry about superficial impressions. I'm sure in some cases that's true.
That got really hammered home when I showed up to a job interview in a button-down shirt and slacks and I was _far_ more dressed-up than the CEO. Getting bounced for not being a "culture fit" cleared up any lingering ambiguity.
I was pleasantly surprised when I completed my talk and the guy who heckled me (I never even saw him) came up to me and apologized. Then again this was in Toronto so maybe the old stereotype about apologetic Canadians is more true than not!
The "shabby nerd" stereotype is a very real thing and it goes both ways.
I always reply with "every day is a job interview, baby" and do cheesy finger guns. That shuts them up.
Adhering to aesthetic cues signals conforming with society at large. If you are not in, you are clearly a threat. For example, if you dont follow simpler things, what bona fides can you provide that you will respect fundamental aspects of the society you are part of?
First impressions are a self-preservation mechanism.
Its not illogical. That being said this presents very interesting diamond-in-the-rough opportunities to visionaries
But some of it was just a bit too much of a stretch to just be confidence. I'm /generally/ a pretty confident person, and comfortable with people, and the difference in how many people suddenly can vs. can't find the time of day for you is pretty dramatic.
And, of course, some of it was just not subtle at all. I'd been told pretty frankly I was too fat to be a doctor. Because, you know, clearly my personal struggles with my weight have a direct correlation to my ability to diagnose your ailment. (Okay, I'm still salty about that one.)
I was, however, probably the scraggliest customer in the showroom when I bought it.
Because I found this interesting I created an arbitrary taxonomy and then talked to people I knew who fell into different branches and tried to understand if they were actively or passively participating in that branch of 'dressers.' Not surprising to my older self, a large number of people conformed to the taxonomic dress code due to external factors rather than internal ones. I suspect the adage 'you can't read/judge a book by its cover' is an expression that suggests a lot of other people found the same things my young self did.
As a result I try very hard to not "see" (and by that I mean color my perception) of someone by what they are wearing or how they present themselves. But I also recognize how difficult that is.
Baby steps are better than no steps, but still, it does leave a sour taste.
She said she didn't trust him and he's an Arab. He took the mic from her and said no mam, he's a good man. He didn't even address the Arab comment because he had already addressed it previously.
I see nothing negative either intentional or unintentional about his responses.
We have enough bad in this world. We need to give credit where credit is due and not invent thinks.
Look, I know McCain is nothing like the Republicans that routinely use racial dogwhistling as a campaign strategy. But in this instance, he's still employing the right wing version of political correctness that's necessary to employ when talking to supporters that swallow Fox News/Rush Limbaugh views. He can say to his audience that Obama isn't an Arab. He just can't say that even if he were an Arab, it shouldn't be a problem in the United States of America.
Allow me to post a link where Republican former Sec of State Colin Powell comments on the issue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYELqbZAQ4M
Astute observation. I mean we all react differently to a cat versus a snake, based on prior experiences or social conditioning. The average person out there with average intelligence ( nothing to be proud of) can evaluate only in black and white and not in shades of grey. Let's cut some slack (but not too much) for these mentally challenged people.
I've been called a "dumbass liberal", "commie", "socialist" and other names at work because the majority of the employees are die-hard Trump fans and/or religious fundamentalists and I made the mistake of expressing compassion for the immigrants in cages when it was big in the news. I've found that explaining my point of view, that as one who follows the teachings of Christ (I'm not overly religious but it's a discipline of love towards all other people and I'm down with that, plus it keeps my religious family happy), I can't in good conscience find pleasure in the suffering of others, seemed to make some of them stop and think about their own prejudices and biases.
I doubt I've actually won anyone over (I tend to just keep my mouth shut about current events these days), but I've definitely seen an improvement in how I'm treated since then. Hopefully expressing positive feelings instead of reacting to negativity with more negativity will continue to improve my relationships with coworkers.
Now, I’ve met and talked with plenty of folk who confuse their identity with their political party. Definitely happens on both sides - as I saw growing up in Oklahoma, and now see in the Bay Area.
The point is, people feel (not wrongfully) uncomfortable when their identity is “threatened” by people who represent themselves with a brand of politics that is oppositional to the one that markets to them.
Now I’ve found that when you share your beliefs, and they aren’t founded on identity politics, then it can ease up the feelings of threat and opposition you’re sure to face.
Alternatively, don’t talk about politics - the simpler method. Having always been a bit of a political outsider, I learned early on that proselytizing others is both counterproductive and alienating.
What do you mean by "confuse"? What if their political party/orientation is an important part of their identity?
There should be things you disagree with your party about.
Parties aren't the only way to contribute to 'execution', of course, but they're one of the most obvious.
Do you have specific examples?
Tell people you’re unaffiliated and they’ll often see you as an antagonist to their pet causes. Don’t tell people anything, and they usually won’t put up a guard.
That's just... assuming you more-or-less support the planks/stances/actions of party you've just told them you consider yourself affiliated with. Where's the identity part come in?
For example, maybe I really like my party's stance on abortion and energy policy; I'm indifferent to their stances on farm subsidies, gun control, and immigration; and I feel their stances on trans rights and corruption could be improved a fair bit.
That would mean, when I meet someone from a different party, we could actually agree on a great many issues.
Funny story about that banquet though. A guy at my table paid a few hundred dollars in a silent auction thinking that he was bidding on a gun. He was actually bidding on a lottery ticket for a gun. His wife was unhappy with his mistake. He did win a duck call alongside the lottery ticket IIRC. This was in NW Arkansas and was a part of a crawfish boil. Definitely not the Bay Area.
An auction for a lottery ticket to win a gun. Are you sure there wasn't a raffle involved somewhere? :^)
IMO, your outlook is exactly what we need more of in the world.
In a related vein to you I don't get any satisfaction out of hating others. Especially knowing how easy it is for the human psyche to latch onto those behaviors (othering, outgroup, tribalism, etc.)
I think some of it is down to how as a species we are tribal by nature, and we have to work hard to get past that and start seeing one another as companions by default, rather than adversaries. There's a time and place for healthy competition and sportsmanship, but issues like politics, religion, and race should not be competitive at all (edit to say I get that politics is a competition/popularity contest, rather I mean that one should be able to support an ideal or a specific candidate without being seen as "the enemy").
How do you think this would have gone if you hadn't claimed a religious exception? So rather if you simply said that you couldn't find pleasure in the suffering of others, but with no references to Christ?
I get what you mean though, and I wonder too if it would have made any difference good or bad. I think with some folks, maybe it would.
There were a few where, the first time I walked in (moments after calling to say I'd arrived), the staff greeted me in a friendly "hello brother" sort of way, once in exactly those words. I didn't see any point in arguing, but when prayer time rolled around and I said I'd keep working, the shock was delicious. All good-natured, just unexpected all around.
I had to ditch the beard recently to get a good seal with a respirator, but it'll be back someday.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we all greeted each other like this regardless of color, creed, nation, etc? I think I’ll just start doing this - “hello brother!” “Hello sister”
People will find any excuse to be cunts to each other and feel entitled to do so.
Sometimes it feels like nobody is following the cardinal rule: be excellent to each other.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperforate_anus
Notably; this kind of pedantry is problematic, nobody thinks of gender when genitalia is used as an insult. Obviously insults are designed to offend; but adding additional meaning and then attacking the faux meaning is not meaningful.
This sort of behaviour fuels anti-liberal rhetoric; as it does nothing to prevent actual sexism it’s just people attacking a straw man at the expense of well meaning people who used some word of the month which has been deemed “troublesome”.
If I had led with “dick” as the insult I’m fairly certain it wouldn’t have been called out in such a way.
False arguments serve only to “beat” other people so you may feel superior for a moment, but they push others to conservatism for being attacked for innocuous commentary.
This is a problem because the conservatives are very effectively using the snobbery of some on the “left” to win people over and putting back liberal causes by decades in some cases. Leading to things like Trump - and the senate being stacked with republicans.
Let’s go after actual issues.
In my experience, most people are not like that. There are, of course, self-righteous jerks everywhere, but in every society I find them to be a small minority.
> I think it must be a lot easier to be a weird misfit now than it was in 1935.
This is probably true in a general sense but people still suck as much in 2020 as they did in 1935, which is evidenced by current events and this very comment thread. The big difference being that there's so many more people today than there were then. Maybe that indicates that we've made some progress but I'm less hopeful.
Are you serious? I don't understand how people can think this way. If I and other foreign coworkers were alright, why are others bad? Where are they?
Terrible media and politicians with their own agendas pushing trash down people's eyes and ears, and they turn on some other group, it's fking sad.
I feel this is common in the west, because people externalize internal conflicts, and they have to project their "righteousness" and "judgement" to justify their existence, as there is nothing left in ourselves besides atoms.
In Oakland or San Francisco you wouldn't get a passing glance. Even if you upped your tattoo game.
I purposely have a big ole homeless looking beard specifically to keep people at arms length.
Ironically one time in a single weekend it backfired twice...on a Friday while doing planks/pushups on a yoga mat in a park I was attacked by someone yelling “get out of my country” because they thought I was a Muslim praying to Mecca. Then the very next day I went to fresh market and ordered bacon and baby back ribs from the butcher and was confronted in the store by a man who followed me into the parking lot to attack me for being a bad Jew and ordering bacon and ribs on the sabbath.
I’m neither Muslim nor Jewish, and even after learning this neither of my attackers were apologetic.