Also a guy -- no beard -- but (and I'm not joking here)... I watched that exact trailer just now and teared up a little.
As for movies, I have two examples: Up (pure emotion) and The Fountain -- the scene towards the end where he talks to the high priest and Clint Mansell's music takes over.
For me, I think it's generally sort of really EPIC things that do it. Really huge scales also tend to do it, for example some of the star size comparisons, or David Deutsch's talk about relativistic jets[1], or just contemplating the fact that some black holes swallow a solar mass per day.
Sometimes it's just "beauty", e.g. I couldn't help tearing up when Carolyn Porco showed the "Saturn Eclipse"[2] picture in her Ted Talk[3]. Some of that, I think, was because of the realization that we humans had actually sent a thing out there to take that picture.
(Btw, I think I'm generally considered a bit of a cold fish among my friends/acquaintances, FWIW. Humans are weird.)
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQliI_WGaGk
[2] https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/ba/Saturn_e... (WARNING: Image is HUGE!)
[3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5usqdjsr6Vw (I won't link you to the exact time because the video deserves to be seen its entirety. If you really want to skip, skip to 15m15s.)
I've found that as I age, I've become more emotional (and simultaneously better at dealing with it). I never cried in movies as a child/teenager, but nowadays I find myself choking up during particularly emotional moments in movies, shows, and life. Sometimes I just look at my son for a minute and the same thing happens. I try not to cry around people, even my family, but more because I'm conscious of the effect it has on them (upsetting or, in the case of other people, just awkward).
My theory is that, as I've developed a stronger sense of empathy and experienced more things in my life, I have a more direct emotional connection to events I witness. From what I've read based, this seems to be fairly common.
Tycho, from Penny Arcade, said it best: "When I was younger, I would have resented some of this stuff - it would have seemed ham-handed. Manipulative. I could have discern what they wanted me to feel and valiantly refused, or (if it were executed especially well) felt a version of it which might have been similar in color or shape. I would feel it in deference to their craft.
That’s not really how it works now. Children carve something out of you, a place for themselves; people can twist the knife in that spot, and it just bleeds and bleeds."
It's a good thing.
So probably you're experiencing being a bit more female in your hormone levels.
(Best source I've seen on this is probably an endocrinologist doing a BBC program, which sorry I can't cite for you).
This is a little loaded..
My first introduction to the term as a teenager was in Earthly Powers[1]. Didn't get it then, but as I get older (and like you after kids), I find I tear up at stories of sacrifice and generosity.
[1] https://books.google.com/books?id=PsJyuYIL-_MC&pg=PT6&lpg=PT...
[2] https://books.google.com/books?id=RRV0DbfOsqUC&pg=PA207&lpg=...
I think my empathy is growing as I'm getting older.
I am aware that some people just hardens up or getting more or less traumatized if they experience really traumatic events or periods and I don't think it is that useful to look at war-like events as it kind of go outside a useful scale, but in personal tragedies a lot of people people seems to go softer.
Maybe you have to learn empathy. There are many signs that says it's at least partially so.
Your view bears merit though and I will have to consider it. Thank you for sharing it.
And my kids still make fun of me for crying at the end of "Winnie the Pooh", but I've always done that. And I maintain that Christopher Robin leaving Pooh and his childhood behind is cry worthy... even more for Pooh than Christopher Robin.
I've always been an empathic person, but some chemicals changed when I had a child, and now a crappy movie trailer with the right cuts and a soaring soundtrack can get me teary.
I'm also moved by wonderment and perspectives of scope and scale, which is probably why I reread the same handful of novels every few years, including Larry Niven's Known Space series. If anyone has other suggestions producing a similar effect, I'd be interested.
By reflex of my upbringing, I choke down any strong feelings by default and chalk it up to self-control. It doesn't make me hurt or feel any less, but some people recoil from emotional expression in men or can't help themselves when they sense vulnerability, and you don't find out which it is until the dam breaks. It's made me weaker as a person, a worse partner, and not as good of a friend as I'd like to be, but it's what everyone is used to. I'm expected to keep it together when others are angry, panic, or get flustered so I can guide everyone back on track. It's a big source of stress for me, but I have to find other outlets than letting flow my tears.
That's an incredibly apt and succinct summary of what the film was (to me, at least!). For me, it's really all about that very fragile bond with another human being -- whether that's a girlfriend, parent, wife, lover or just a friend. When you see that "I understand what you mean" look in their eyes... that's when you melt[1]. That's what that penultimate scene meant (to me): The high priest understood and saw that he was becoming "obsolete" in the face of the conquest... and the Conquistador saw himself reflected. (I'm not saying conquest was a good thing. Still, it happened so we need to deal with the aftermath.)
EDIT: [1] I really wish I was better at explicitly saying "that moment really mattered to me" to my friends. I'll try doing that more -- maybe with a little gamification thrown in.
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlfIVEy_YOA&index=113&list=L...
I had some tears that time. Occasionally movies make me feel emotion, but not quite to tearing level.
So _intense_. Even years later, just reference to it gives me goosebumps.
I wasn't all that upset with it though. The deaths weren't that traumatic..
A masterly piece of animation, that.
So, I guess the guy in this post has many triggers and I only have some, say - thinking of Up - old age and loneliness, lifelong fidelity...
The first ten minutes made me so upset that I spent the rest of the movie fighting my body so that I wouldn't start bawling. It would have been such an intense and loud cry that I absolutely would have had to run out of the movie theater. After the movie I drove my friend home (~30 min), but I couldn't say one word to her because I was still so deeply upset that my lips were trembling.
I don't cry much, in fact, I really can't cry when most people ordinarily would. But in the rare circumstances where something can make me cry (whether it's very sad, or just incredibly beautiful) it is always with maximum intensity.
I try to do this with all intense emotions be it overwhelming sadness, fury, despair. Feels better than holding back or forcing it out.
Let it all out, there's nothing to worry about. Just... cry.
The recent Jungle Book was similar, my eyes were misty the whole movie. The Martian had similar effects.
I hardly ever cry otherwise.
Maybe you express differently than I do? I'd be glad about that. If everyone was like me we'd have no love balads - only long play records with lots of sniffling. ;-)
Oh man. Feels strike inbound.
It's a strange thing. I'm so embarrassed about it I had to use a throwaway account.
It also has a tremendous healing effect. While I do have plenty of friends I am naturally a loaner and deal with things privately in my own ways. I found that when I've had enough, simply taking a drive in the car and just letting it rip makes me feel infinitely better. So, cry it out. Seriously :)
Anyway, nice to hear about the experiences of others.
WHEEE! 8-)
> I cry so little my wife had me tested for
> Aspergers...and she was right. I tear up about once a
> year at most
It's important to not conflate crying with feeling strong emotion. I was clinically depressed for a year and cried a sum total of once during that time.I do miss the no-tears-ever part of me sometimes, but I suspect that the deeper emotional growth I've gone through over the past 9 months since she died will ultimately be for the best for me.
https://cn.bing.com/images/search?q=%e5%be%90%e6%82%b2%e9%b8...
I'm genuinely curious because I've had some frustrating experiences with crying in the workplace / around work that seemed a bit unfair to me (at the time I was a young'n who still assumed "fairness" was a thing). Someone would cry at work and they'd be coddled, yet if someone else raised their voice and showed "anger" they'd be in trouble. Seemed a little silly to me.
I can't think of a time when I've had to yell uncontrollably. I can think of many times when the only thing I was capable of doing was crying.
But I agree there should just be a protocol for handling both and neither should be a big deal. Management should want to take time to sort either out.
> Someone would cry at work and they'd be coddled, yet if someone else raised their voice and showed "anger" they'd be in trouble.
My wife makes fun of me for it too, but then I make fun of her for lots of stuff, so that's fair.
Emotional people are unpredictable, and unpredictability is a turn-off for most rational and stable people (who I like to surround myself with).
Depending on your goals in life, being "the rock" typically gets you better long-term social results.
Seriously, there's nothing wrong with feeling emotion. Emotion and logic are NOT, as people in our field so love to proclaim, mutually exclusive.
Your emotions frequently cue you in to valuable information in a situation. Emotional people are actually very predictable -- they are showing you their feelings and in a way communicating their needs.
How can you seriously think that repressing your emotions make you a stable person? This literally goes against all of the literature on the subject.
I never said not to feel emotion. Stoicism simply doesn't act on it without first checking other valid logical responses. Understand what you're dealing with here.
Extremely emotional people are only predictable in that they are going to behave unpredictably and irrationally.
What I find hilarious is that I explain what's gotten me superior results in life and everyone argues with it rather than try to understand why.
In my opinion guys in general are way too emotional in how they behave, saying stuff like 'super awesome', 'this times 1000' and so on. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. But that does not imply that i'm stone cold. I'm far from it. When I was recovering from a surgical procedure, boy was i emotional. For months. But that was privately. I just avoided public spaces, I'm much too reserved and in that sense you are right MbcroBerto: I felt really unpredictable, even to myself, let alone to others.
People are different. Some people like to follow the same routine and be very stoic and are content with that. Others would rather explore and experience variety and new things and ride the peaks & troughs. Both have advantages & disadvantages.
Steve Jobs was known for crying often, so being emotional and successful can certainly go together.
(Being stubborn and illogical = emotional in this sense)
As I said elsewhere, I'm not dead inside, I still see just as much beauty out in the woods as you do. I just don't lose my mind anymore in most situations.
It's also really fucking exhausting.
Try getting into a "defcon-4" style argument yet don't raise your voice, don't change your tone or tempo, and don't worry about the outcome as much -- just maintain control of your emotions. It's amazing what happens and how the other party responds.
The exhausting part is being the rock when there's a crisis. When your spouse is freaking out about running out of money for rent. When rent is being raised and you have to figure out how to raise it less. When kids get injured and need the hospital.
Or when your team is freaking out because everything's going to shit and production is down and you're running out of time on features you promised to Big Users/Clients TM.
When everyone around you is panicking and freaking the fuck out, but somebody has to fix the situation. That's when being the rock matters.
Who even gives a shit about arguments? Arguing is for fun.
And then, yes -- when it does matter, you know what already gets you best results.
As a kid, excessive emotions made me feel toxic because there is no solution to emotional issues. I learned how to block those emotions and voila, I'm now a great cog in the economy. I can get stuff done without emotions affecting me. I am pretty good at conflict resolution (not domination).
I have a very nice rational life but a few relationships did make me realize that my go to solution for any problem is blocking emotions. Not really healthy IMO.
The people I know who cry the most happen to be the most self absorbed people that I know. They do not have more empathy. The most caring and emotionally generous people I know do not cry very much.
The linked page mentions it, and theres more data later in the book.
I don't know why people place so much emphasis on empathy, as if it's some magical ingredient that other animals lack, or that it's some integral component to society.
Other animals have empathy too, and empathy has little to do with moral reasoning. Empathy doesn't make humans special, intelligence and the physical composition/dexterity to make full use of our intelligence is what makes us special.
Yes, absolutely. And the glorification of empathy leads to immoral behavior. Empathy without skepticism, intelligence, or reason leads to being manipulated by immoral people into immoral acts.
If, by "social results", you mean "well-connected" or "successful", then I agree.
What gets annoying is when I'm even slightly upset or having a disagreement with someone, my eyes want to water. I'm not even that upset, my eyes are just freaking out. I always have to be like, "I'm not that upset or trying to make you feel bad, my eyes are dumb, sorry, let's keep talking."
I can tear up over facebook posts, thinking about one of my kids leaving home, running out of wine (okay so I just go get some more, but I could, no I don't drive after I drink wine or anything).
I'm lucky my wife does not make fun of me.
Some public individuals cry easily: definitely John Boehner and possibly Elon Musk.
[1] http://blog.23andme.com/health-traits/too-many-teardrops/
How much did you cry during the last episode of Game of Thrones? I was gasping for air between the sobs!
For example last night I watched the trailer for Overwatch[1] and got so excited I started tearing up. I don't know why, anything that triggers ANY sort of strong emotion in me brings it on. Always has.
My wife makes fun of me for it. I don't see anything wrong with it.
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqnKB22pOC0