Another guy here.

I've found that as I age, I've become more emotional (and simultaneously better at dealing with it). I never cried in movies as a child/teenager, but nowadays I find myself choking up during particularly emotional moments in movies, shows, and life. Sometimes I just look at my son for a minute and the same thing happens. I try not to cry around people, even my family, but more because I'm conscious of the effect it has on them (upsetting or, in the case of other people, just awkward).

My theory is that, as I've developed a stronger sense of empathy and experienced more things in my life, I have a more direct emotional connection to events I witness. From what I've read based, this seems to be fairly common.

Having a kid did that to me, too. I've always been a bit of a crybaby, but now I kinda lose it when children-related kidnappings or deaths happen in movies or TV shows or the news.

Tycho, from Penny Arcade, said it best: "When I was younger, I would have resented some of this stuff - it would have seemed ham-handed. Manipulative. I could have discern what they wanted me to feel and valiantly refused, or (if it were executed especially well) felt a version of it which might have been similar in color or shape. I would feel it in deference to their craft.

That’s not really how it works now. Children carve something out of you, a place for themselves; people can twist the knife in that spot, and it just bleeds and bleeds."

Exactly same experience, I also became a crybaby about children related incidents after becoming a parent.

This explains why "think of the children" is such an effective trick; its users are abusing the most fundamental emotions of parents.

For me it seemed to correlate directly with the birth of my son. My theory is that his birth, the emotions of it, the sleep deprivation, and the neuro-chemical onslaught that most likely happened during that same time (it was easily the most emotional period of my life), have fundamentally rewired my brain to be more emotionally reactive (my wife would balk if I used the term "sensitive").

It's a good thing.

There is apparently hormonal changes in fathers-to-be including lowering of testosterone levels that could account for these anecdotal changes in mood response to stimuli.

So probably you're experiencing being a bit more female in your hormone levels.

(Best source I've seen on this is probably an endocrinologist doing a BBC program, which sorry I can't cite for you).

> So probably you're experiencing being a bit more female in your hormone levels.

This is a little loaded..

That's a nice theory, but it seems to be common to get emotional with age - senile lability if you want to google it.

My first introduction to the term as a teenager was in Earthly Powers[1]. Didn't get it then, but as I get older (and like you after kids), I find I tear up at stories of sacrifice and generosity.

[1] https://books.google.com/books?id=PsJyuYIL-_MC&pg=PT6&lpg=PT...

[2] https://books.google.com/books?id=RRV0DbfOsqUC&pg=PA207&lpg=...

I think there is a difference between senile decay, and the fact that when you are getting older, you have witnessed the fragility of life in ways that most teenagers luckily have not.

I think my empathy is growing as I'm getting older.

I am aware that some people just hardens up or getting more or less traumatized if they experience really traumatic events or periods and I don't think it is that useful to look at war-like events as it kind of go outside a useful scale, but in personal tragedies a lot of people people seems to go softer.

Maybe you have to learn empathy. There are many signs that says it's at least partially so.

Empathy definitely has to be exercised and trained regularly to work well. As I understand it (not an expert but I've read up on it on the Internet), children are pretty much incapable of it until ~4 as there's some mental development necessary. If you spend lots of time in an environment where you're not conscious of building your empathy and remembering to use it, your ability and tendency to do so will wither.

I've noticed this in myself, and had put it down to getting lonelier as i get older. When i was talking to school or university friends every day, i was grounded in reality, somehow; now i only see real close friends every week or few weeks, i'm off in a little emotional world of my own where any little thing can take on subjectively huge proportions.

Interesting. I too have noticed a similar thing as I have aged. I developed the theory though that when it started happening things that did not impact me directly (such as movies) that it was more a case that I was feeling emotional about something else in life and that this was emotions seeping out where they could. I especially thought this because it didn't seem to always happen.

Your view bears merit though and I will have to consider it. Thank you for sharing it.

And my kids still make fun of me for crying at the end of "Winnie the Pooh", but I've always done that. And I maintain that Christopher Robin leaving Pooh and his childhood behind is cry worthy... even more for Pooh than Christopher Robin.

Having a kid. That did it for me.

I've always been an empathic person, but some chemicals changed when I had a child, and now a crappy movie trailer with the right cuts and a soaring soundtrack can get me teary.

This x 1000!. I can't believe how much my children changed me- and I am a pretty tough guy otherwise. Glad to hear I am not the only one.

Definitely Not. Me likewise. Something does change when you have kids, it's not just exclusive to the mothers, us fathers get it too.

Replying to myself since I can't edit: looks from HN like maybe my son's birth did it :) A lot of things changed then, that could well have been one of them.

Seconded for "Up". All the sad scenes involving the wife. This movie, and only this movie. Makes me cry every time. I'm a 40 year old man.

I have just met you...and I love you.

"The first ten minutes of Up" is an incredible cliche. Everyone has that reaction to it that's not a robot.

I saw The Fountain in theaters with a younger friend, and while I was moved, he "didn't really get it". Not that he didn't understand the events of the movie, but he'd never experienced the frailty and desperation the kind of personal, intense bond with another that the film evoked. He'd never loved and lost.

I'm also moved by wonderment and perspectives of scope and scale, which is probably why I reread the same handful of novels every few years, including Larry Niven's Known Space series. If anyone has other suggestions producing a similar effect, I'd be interested.

By reflex of my upbringing, I choke down any strong feelings by default and chalk it up to self-control. It doesn't make me hurt or feel any less, but some people recoil from emotional expression in men or can't help themselves when they sense vulnerability, and you don't find out which it is until the dam breaks. It's made me weaker as a person, a worse partner, and not as good of a friend as I'd like to be, but it's what everyone is used to. I'm expected to keep it together when others are angry, panic, or get flustered so I can guide everyone back on track. It's a big source of stress for me, but I have to find other outlets than letting flow my tears.

> he'd never experienced the frailty and desperation the kind of personal, intense bond with another that the film evoked. He'd never loved and lost.

That's an incredibly apt and succinct summary of what the film was (to me, at least!). For me, it's really all about that very fragile bond with another human being -- whether that's a girlfriend, parent, wife, lover or just a friend. When you see that "I understand what you mean" look in their eyes... that's when you melt[1]. That's what that penultimate scene meant (to me): The high priest understood and saw that he was becoming "obsolete" in the face of the conquest... and the Conquistador saw himself reflected. (I'm not saying conquest was a good thing. Still, it happened so we need to deal with the aftermath.)

EDIT: [1] I really wish I was better at explicitly saying "that moment really mattered to me" to my friends. I'll try doing that more -- maybe with a little gamification thrown in.

Sharing my cryiest ever video clip, when Stanford Professor Andrei Linde celebrates physics breakthrough: [1]. I've seen it thirty times and I cry (oh, the tears) every time. I also cried at the end of Real Steal.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlfIVEy_YOA&index=113&list=L...

Toy Story 3 for me since the summer I saw it for the first time was the summer before my freshman year of college and consequently moving out.

I had some tears that time. Occasionally movies make me feel emotion, but not quite to tearing level.

I watched Toy Story 3 alone in my apartment and cried like a baby at the scene with Andy and the girl at the end (manly man n+1 in this thread checking in). I'm not a very emotional guy, but some emotion now and then is nice.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas[1] I should have seen it coming but it was a freight train, never did a movie hit so hard like that. War though a child's eye is worse than the adult perspective of war.

[1] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0914798/

Grave of the Fireflies http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095327/

I could not smile for days after watching that one. One of the greatest movies ever made, but when I recommend it to anyone, I always warn them that if they are depression prone, they should not watch it at all.

So _intense_. Even years later, just reference to it gives me goosebumps.

Yes. That's one of the best movies that I've only seen once. It occupies a rare intersection between shows that I consider excellent and shows that I'd rather not watch again.

I saw that recently, expecting something very sad, based on what people told me.

I wasn't all that upset with it though. The deaths weren't that traumatic..

Charlie Chaplin's movies. Modern Times is very funny, but the end scene. I cry every time. City lights, ditto, the end scene is so strong. And Limelight. And the Gold rush...

So strange -- I don't cry really at all, but I find I have the same emotional reaction to such large scale or "epic" visually arresting things. Amazing how often you find out something you thought only you went through was shared by others.

Up... oh goodness, yes... I first saw it on a flight. Middle-aged IT consultants shouldn't be sitting on a plane sniffling over a goddam cartoon!

A masterly piece of animation, that.

I hardly cry (and make no attemps not to cry) but I have to concede that "Up" is very well written and its very hard to avoid getting emotional in certain parts.

So, I guess the guy in this post has many triggers and I only have some, say - thinking of Up - old age and loneliness, lifelong fidelity...

Yeah, "Up" is really in a league of its own on the "tearjerker" scale -- not that it ever does it gratuitously, mind. It's just that it imitates life very well in that it can sometimes be very sad and also uplifting(!) at the same time.

"Up" definitely triggered the strongest emotions in me of any movie to date. Perhaps it reminded me of the loss of my grandma a few years earlier.

The first ten minutes made me so upset that I spent the rest of the movie fighting my body so that I wouldn't start bawling. It would have been such an intense and loud cry that I absolutely would have had to run out of the movie theater. After the movie I drove my friend home (~30 min), but I couldn't say one word to her because I was still so deeply upset that my lips were trembling.

I don't cry much, in fact, I really can't cry when most people ordinarily would. But in the rare circumstances where something can make me cry (whether it's very sad, or just incredibly beautiful) it is always with maximum intensity.

Let it out, don't hold it in. Close your eyes, focus on your intense emotions, breath in and let it out, gently and fully.

I try to do this with all intense emotions be it overwhelming sadness, fury, despair. Feels better than holding back or forcing it out.

Or, in so many words: Cry!

Let it all out, there's nothing to worry about. Just... cry.

I thought I was the only one.. yes. Up - it said more emotionally in those first 10 moments with no dialog than most movies do in 2 hours.

The recent Jungle Book was similar, my eyes were misty the whole movie. The Martian had similar effects.

I hardly ever cry otherwise.

Real life events don't make me cry. Seriously, I've had break ups, deaths.. you name it. But damn, the opening to that movie did.

Jeez I must be dead inside :(

Not at all. Just because you don't cry, doesn't mean you don't feel. Does it? I think what they are talking about is a certain bodily way of expressing a strong emotion. I too am "built too close to the water" as the Germans say, but often, my tears are an expression of my lack of ability to otherwise express.

Maybe you express differently than I do? I'd be glad about that. If everyone was like me we'd have no love balads - only long play records with lots of sniffling. ;-)

Not really, neither Up nor Toy Story 3 did it for me as movies (a very unpopular opinion I know). I choke up watching a movie or TV show from time to time, maybe more than I'd like to admit, but I don't share the popular opinion about those two movies.

40 yard old with basically the same story as the guy from `Up`. Can't have children, long term very solid relationship. As much as I cried at the opening to `Up` - and it was a whole lot, `Marley and Me` is just absolutely devastating. Can't even look at the cover to that movie.

Dude +1 for The Fountain. Cried through that entire movie and probably for 10 minutes straight when Izzy talks to Tommy after she collapses in the museum.

Thank you for The Fountain recommendation. It got me too, and it's one of the few Aronofsky films I hadn't yet seen. It was due to expire on Netflix in just a couple of hours & racing to finish it before it timed out added to the experience.

[2] is less than 300KB? I appreciate warnings on terabytes.

Ah, I was thinking of pixel size, because actually displaying it requires that it be decompressed. If your machine is memory-constrained just having an image that size (decompressed) can be crippling. I remember it bringing a machine I had several years ago to a crawl for that very reason. Maybe I'm just showing my age here :).

>The Fountain

Oh man. Feels strike inbound.