I mean, kinda. Sure, nobody is probably stressing about how many centimeters your scalp is receding, but you can bet lots of people will be more attracted to someone who looks young with a full head of hair compared to someone who has typical male pattern baldness. Just google "male hair restoration before and after" for some examples, and tell me you don't think there's a stark difference to most examples.
I do agree, though, fortunately it's become socially acceptable to shave your head and that can be seen as a sign of attractiveness (though I still think this cartoon is pretty accurate: https://i.imgur.com/IMmmP8A.gif)
I wish it were not true, but I think it sadly is, that as much people would like to think appearances don't matter, they do. Of course that doesn't mean you should beat yourself over it if you were dealt a bad hand in the hair department, because you can do something to improve your appearances in general! Start with a 5x5 or similar routine, because the gains in your confidence and appearances aside, the gains in strength and health are reason enough.
So I started focusing on superficial stuff. Better clothes, better style, cologne, shit like that. I don't think these things alone would be enough to matter; I think it's really important to work on who you are on the inside before becoming a facade.
But holy fuck there's a difference. From what I can tell, being more or less attractive is the single biggest factor in how people will treat you.
And from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense: good looking is supposed to mean good genes, and good genes are precious.
Sorry if this is kind of a bummer thing to talk about, but I think the more aware of it we become as a species, the closer we'll get to recognizing our pre-programmed bias towards good looks and perhaps looking passed it to the actual quality of the character.
Also, I'm pretty sure every girl learns this the day they wear makeup, and then the day they don't.
Sadly, this is absolutely correct. I want to say I wish someone told me this sooner... but they kinda did... only in hints that were easy for me to misunderstand. Socially dumber people, like me, need to be told things less ambiguously.
Things like hard work, kindness, sincerity, positivity, openness... yes, they definitely contribute to long-term success and happiness. Problem is, your looks decide which doors will open for you. And it doesn't matter if hypothetically you could do a great job, if you are not allowed to try. On the other hand, if you get invited to many places, you get many opportunities to practice, so even if you suck at first, over time you improve.
There is this thing called "halo effect", which means that if you are attractive, people are going to assume all kinds of good things about you, without any evidence, sometimes despite the evidence to contrary.
> Also, I'm pretty sure every girl learns this the day they wear makeup, and then the day they don't.
With makeup, it is easy to make an A/B test. I wonder if we could borrow an artificial body and face for a day, how much that would change our priorities in life.
It's about a reversible procedure that inhibits the ability for people to detect prettiness 'calliagnosia'. They talk about 'lookism'.
It does an interesting job exploring what this would mean and the good and bad associated with it (which I think Ted Chiang always does a great job of).
It's definitely worth reading.
There’s also other inferences you can draw, such as being disciplined enough to groom, having time and money to have clean, fitting clothes, etc.
Jeff Bezos, Steve Jobs, Jony Ive are all media darlings in the tech industry, so clearly being bald isn't an impediment.
If you look at the acting world, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Patrick Stewart, Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson all make it incredibly clear that baldness doesn't stop you from being considered a sex symbol.
I wouldn't be too surprised if Roddenberry took this position in response to outside questions once the decision was made, but if so it's a bit ironic given that it's also been widely reported (including by Stewart) that Roddenberry was openly anti-Stewart during the casting process for not having the look he wanted, in part because of his baldness.
In my younger years I had my head buzzed to a near monk length (I was pretty obsessed with Buddhism at the time) and it did not look right. Friends commented that I looked 'intense.' While perfect for the monk persona, I was going for the more badass tough guy look. It was a tough few months.
Also, facial hair helps a lot, which I am unable to grow.
So I look forward to hair plugs if I ever start going bald.
The only non-fit celeb I can really think of that might be known as attractive is Patrick Stewart in TNG, and I'm not sure if he was considered attractive vs. more respected role model and leader.
https://pagesix-com.cdn.ampproject.org/i/s/pagesix.com/wp-co...
A lot of men get plastic surgery too.
edit: a comment below mentions that it is unacceptable nowadays in some East Asian cultures.
At the time it was in no way considered manly or even threatening. It was truly a statement that we likely can't imagine now.
Surprisingly it never happened. In fact my parents were really surprised. My youngest brother (nearly 20 year age difference) has a very curly head full of hair and it turns out mine also gets very curly/could with some length. Never new that was in our genetics.
also, there is the practice of tonsuring one's head to offer the hair to the gods (as a sign of humility)
and, historically, losers have their heads tonsured to show their weakness, also a punishment for petty theft, like stealing cattle, etc
Yes, if you took the Nazarite oath (think Samson in the Bible).
But I agree once baldness progresses to be plain visible, the best course is to either trim to very short or shave it all. Can look cool with good beard, but again not everybody has the genes for that.
People are attracted to confidence. A person who has issues about self-image (baldness being one particular aspect of that) will always be less attractive from that angle alone.
If you're bald and feel self-conscious about it making you unattractive, the better road to attractiveness is to stop being self-conscious (easier said than done), rather than stopping being bald (even harder to do). This is basically what the OP is alluding to: the solution to the "baldness problem" isn't treatment, but rather acceptance.
The above is really messy as it applies to the real world, but the basics are true enough.
I think there are just as many people who are attracted to a guy with a shaved head.
I don't have personal experiences with it, but from observing a couple of friends who shave their head, it doesn't seem to me that they are less successful sexually/romantically.
I'm East Asian. Hair loss at a young age and shaving your head is still not considered very acceptable or attractive in any way in East Asian cultures, short of being a monk. There are a tiny handful of exceptions - but that's just that - exceptions.
If you're pushing 50? 60? etc. sure it happens to many so not a big deal - but even then I think more East Asian men choose wigs, hair transplants, or even au natural horseshoe rather than shave. If you're 20? 30? Or even 40? It's terrible - dare I say more so than men of other races/cultures.
As someone in his thirties that is starting to lose hair, I envy men of other races/cultures where shaving your head is considered an acceptable option.
https://www.google.com/search?q=watanabe+ken&client=safari&r...
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I had a girl cancel a date when she learned I was balding (she explicitly told a friend this) so there’s a reason men feel bad about it.
That said, shaving your head and getting on with your life is the right approach and has a lot of other benefits anyway.
Elon did something different, but for most people going bald, shaving your head is the right move. It can just be hard to know when and most people wait too long (plus it’s hard to deal with the social stuff around a dramatic change like that).
Dodged a bullet there!
But there’s a general truth to sexual attractiveness in there, and it’s better to accept the reality as it is and adapt.
Sometimes it's better to just learn the dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX40mBb8bkU
Remember what the dormouse said: Shave your head (or something like that)
Even a cursory consideration of the numerous bald celebrities should be sufficient to disabuse yourself of this notion. There is no general truth to sexual attractiveness as related to hair, or height, or skin colour, or weight, or…
The existence of balding celebrities does not mean that balding has no affect on sexual attractiveness.
A lot of celebrities are famous for reasons other than attractiveness.
Balding and bald are also different (which was part of my point).
> "There is no general truth to sexual attractiveness as related to hair, or height, or skin colour, or weight, or…"
This is just straight false. There are always varied preferences and outliers, but there are general trends too. You ignore them at your own peril.
When you become comfortable and confident with who you are and recognize what you can't change, you attract the same.
The other stuff does matter too though. It’s better to recognize that rather than pretend it’s all confidence.
The girl that canceled the date didn’t do so because I wasn’t confident, she did so because she saw a picture of me with thinning hair on FB. Another canceled when she found out I was 3 months younger than her. People are picky.
Thankfully I've since met someone really great and I'm now engaged/out of the game. I'm glad.
On the other hand, now that my dad is in his late 70's he has melanoma all over his chrome dome. He has to get things burned, frozen, and lasered off every couple of months. It's ironic that after accepting the vanity aspects of baldness and no longer caring, I see that there are much worse things.
If you're bald or balding, wear a hat! Wear sunscreen! The spray on stuff is sort of gross but it can get to your scalp where the hair is thin and skin is exposed.
If a stem cell treatment for baldness were affordable, I would consider it. 80% for the UV protection and 20% for the vanity.
I don't burn too easily in the sun here and it's easy to avoid in prolonged exposure with a little sunscreen. I was shocked the first time I ventured close to the equator. In southern Mexico (15N) and Costa Rica (10N) my skin burns in about 10 minutes without sunscreen.
10+ years later, I buzz my head with a 1 guard once every week or so. Hair is just a thing I don't think about. It's like `gofmt` or `prettier` for your head.
To expand on that, my favorite quote (from Eleanor Roosevelt, who seems to have been quite quotable...):
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
I totally agree. People are almost 100% caught up in themselves, and barely have time to think about their own family, much less friends, acquaintances, and last of all strangers.
Ugarte: You despise me, don't you?
Rick: If I gave you any thought I probably would.Ginsberg: I feel bad for you.
Draper: I don’t think about you at all.
Started noticing hair loss in my early 20s but managed to convince myself that it was just stress. By my mid 20s when I was in a very low stress position I finally concluded that it was just plain MPB. I continued to ignore it for a while, just cutting my hair a little shorter than the longer hair that I wore before (usually more out of laziness than anything else). It finally came to a head a couple of months ago when I noticed that I had stopped turning the lights on when I went into the bathroom because I didn't want to see how thin my hair looked that day. That day I made an appointment with my doctor and got a prescription for Finasteride. Since I was very afraid of the sexual side effects of the drug, before I started I decided to shave my head to confirm my suspicions that I didn't like the shaved look. If I hated it, I'd start the medication and deal with the sides. Funny thing is, I really liked it. People don't treat me any differently than they did before which is what I was afraid of. Sure, women don't come up and hit on me but they never did when I had longer hair either so I consider it a wash. And I like it more and more now that I'm hitting the gym and adding muscle. Bald + muscular is a great look. Shaving my head (down to a #1 in my case) isn't my ideal situation but the way I see it, MPB is a better condition to have than many, many other genetic conditions.
If you're where I was a couple of months ago and your thinning hair is stressing you out, just give it a shot and shave your head. Best case, you like it like I do. Worst case, you hate it and you can see if fin would work for you.
Without your hair, you will earn less money. Fewer people will do business with you (fewer investors, fewer contracts, fewer business partners). You will be paid less as an employee for the same work. You will be passed over for leadership positions.
Fewer people will be friends with you. People will want to spend less time with you. You will not be invited to the same or as many parties as other people. Strangers on the street will look at you with pity and disgust. Children will shame you.
No matter how inherently talented, intelligent, and hard-working you are, this will seep into every aspect of your life and rob you of success. It is a crippling disfigurement.
And so, there are entire sections of the female population that won't touch you with a ten foot pole. Considering how painfully this impacts a persons life, they are right to do so. It is a travesty of evolution that male-pattern baldness exists.
There currently isn't a way to re-grow lost hair. You have to do everything you can to keep what you have. The medication you mention, finasteride, might have sexual side effects, but for most people it doesn't. It's almost irrelevant if it does, because you won't have much of a sex life if you lose your hair. I wish I could have afforded it when I was young. If you can, go see a doctor at the first sign of hair loss. It's all you can do.
If I hadn't lost my hair in my early twenties, I know that I would have been able to find romantic love, and have a better career. It is the single worst thing that has ever happened to me, and not a day goes by that I don't consider killing myself. It has made me less than human.
Now I’m nearly 50, and if I could grow my hair back, I wouldn’t. I’ve been shaving with a trimmer once a week for 15 years now, and I adore it. It’s quick and easy. My hair is predictable and zero-maintenance. I think I still look pretty cool.
Professionally I’ve never felt the lack. When I leave one company I quickly have offers piling up for new gigs. I have a family now, but (back when it was ok to be out in public) women still hit on me.
Consider that no matter what your qualities, some people and contexts will ostracize you for them. You must instead find places and people that are acceptable to you, and accepting of you. There’s no magic here, just work and perseverance.
There are plenty of worse situations: being Black is still no picnic in the US, and plenty of other places. Being a woman is still very challenging in many places. Being poor (like, too poor to own a computer) is still the worst.
If you’ll forgive me for being blunt: if going bald is really the worst thing that’s happened to you, consider yourself to be very, very fortunate. There’s no reason to be suicidal about it. Find a therapist. Only you can improve your life, hair or no hair.
If that's actually how you feel, it's pretty serious and I urge you to try and search for help in your environment : life does not have to be this bad, and it can get better.
I suggest reading some Gabor Mate and work on resolving unresolved childhood trauma (the only thing I imagine to be strong enough to create such self-limiting beliefs - assuming of course your post is not just a failed attempt as sarcasm).
"Bald is better than balding."
When I realised there was no turning back, and not having hair would be a lot better than fighting against the inevitable, I started wearing my bare scalp with pride.
It's a great look.
It's also a lot easier to maintain.
Don't get me wrong, if I weren't balding I wouldn't have done this and that would have been fine. That doesn't change the fact that this is also fine.
Bald takes me 10-15 minutes at home a few days a week. It becomes part of the routine and doesn't add much to it.
Having hair means daily washing/conditioning (depending on hair type and daily activities of course), combing/brushing, perhaps some styling in the morning and possibly during the day depending on how you like to look, there's not being able to shower just before sleep unless you like to sleep on a puddle and a rotten pillow, etc.
On top of that, there's the periodic going to salon, getting hair cut, coming back home, and relearning how to style new hair since it's going to be slightly different than it was early that day.
Balding also takes a lot of the above, if not all. Unless you like the mullet look with nothing at the top, which I personally don't.
Bald is a lot easier for me. As always, YMMV.
I’ve never had a “hah that guy’s bald” moment. But I’ve had many, “damn, kinda jealous of that style...” moments.
But, yeah, I didn't word that well. Most good bald looks involve what you do with your facial hair.
It's the one and only look. That's what I miss the most about no longer having hairs, options.
I had a shaved head for a while, and the freedom of not having strands of really strong thin material attached to the top of your head was amazing. It is comparable to not having to wear a backpack.
I went back to normal hair to enjoy it while it lasts though.
Worrying about losing your hair is a significantly worse condition than actually losing your hair. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
But greying of said lion's mane can happen in several ways, from very charming to something that looks like a mildew infestation.
I am not sure yet how I am going to turn out, but it is coming. I hope the Japanese scientists can find some stem cells for melanocytes as well.
Edit: a funny anecdote, my first high school love is very much into bald guys, but somehow I got a pass.
Still got a shit ton of hair on my head but at least it does not look like 20 anymore.
The funny thing is that they both said the same thing: "I was so worried about how my thinning hair looked that I just decided to shave my head, and havent looked back since"
And its funny they both look great completely bald - in fact with Joe Rogan, he looks odd to see old pics of him with hair.
I dont know if I could pull off a full bald shave because I have a small head and big ears :-)
1) it's not very effective;
2) it is highly, highly toxic to cats.
I didn't have a cat at the time, but I decided that the ability to have a cat in my life was more important than any hair loss amelioration provided by minoxidil, and if I went bald then I went bald.
I think bladness needs an equivalent of 'fat acceptance'. When somone is in their 20's. Its hard to accept your lower value as a potential mate for something that's totally out of their control.
https://www.youtube.com/c/Baldcafe/videos
It's easy to see that for some people it's a big deal, and it's a bit tricky for them to come to terms with. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfxZvMydPYQ
I think this a harmful trend too. Ironically, Pepetuates the same concept that something natural like balding is something to hide.
Being bald without completely shaven look is a ok, normal and attractive too.
Just get rid of it.
> I think this a harmful trend too
But you shave your head!!
I shave because i don't know how to give myself a proper haircut by myself. Shaving is much easier, takes me about 15 minutes.
Not quite sure what point you are trying to make.
People notice and care. Hair is sometimes seen as a health indicator and it matters to a degree in society. We've never had a bald president and probably never will. Look at the lengths Trump went to with his "hair". I doubt he would have been president had he been bald. The same goes for biden. Search for elon musk before and after hair. He wouldn't be the "media darling" if he looked the way he did in his paypal days.
Also, it's probably easier dating or finding a mate if you were not bald - as a man or a woman. Consciously or unconsciously, many people hold negative associations when it comes to baldness. But it's not the end of the world and you shouldn't lose any sleep over it - unless you hope to be president one day or in a position where image matters. For the average joe, baldness doesn't matter much.
Unfortunately you have Hollywood and other lifestyle influence setting the tone for men and women. Sometimes in the guise of helping, they hurt people “accept being obese” for example.
If it helps anyone else out there: no one else thinks about your hair besides you. Getting rid of my anxiety around how my hair looked (checking it in the mirror all the time, using products to make it look less thin, etc) was absolutely worth giving up any illusion that my hair was going to stick around. Plus, it has made putting on sweaters so much easier, and I never have to worry about helmet hair.
If you're reading this post with a touch of anxiety about your hair, just know that it's gonna be fine and you probably look cool as hell (albeit a bit different) with a buzz cut.