This was likely illegal as it was done without his knowledge, but it proved invaluable as it let us afford expensive home health care in the last few years of his life and avoided the need to move him to an assisted living facility (which he staunchly refused to do).

It took all of his retirement savings and most of the equity in his house to pay for it.

If he'd continued giving away all of his money, as his health declined, he would have had to be moved to a state subsidized care facility when it got to the point that he needed more care than family members could give him at home.

Sounds gruesome if you take it literally. Taking it mythically, though, the Father eats the Son, meaning the child becomes the adult.

Roles and life is not forever. There is a natural cycle to things, from birth to death, from one generation to the next. In this case, in switching roles, you truly become the adult, and leave behind the last remanent of childhood.

And when you grow old enough, it will be your turn, just as it will be for me.

As saddening as seeing that happen can be, stealing from someone "for is own good" is still stealing.

I'm comfortable with the decision and feel that we as a family made the right decision for him and it's hard to say it was "stealing" when the money was ultimately used for his own needs. It was a gamble, he could have passed away right after we protected his funds, then the money wouldn't have been spent on him, but that didn't happen.

Letting him have his money because he's your 'father' is no different an argument than letting X do Y because he's Z relation. It's a piss poor argument and doesn't hold.

"I'll let my alcoholic father drink some more because he's my father, and if I take away his drinks, well that'd be indefensible because I'd be stealing! He should be allowed to drink however much he wants. If I want to take his alcohol away I need a court order to prove that this is a morally acceptable act, because moral authority resides with the government! In fact, I'm worse than the punks around the corner who regularly steal alcohol from under his nose because they are unrelated despite crappy intentions, whereas my good intentions for his health and my relation as his son and son's should pay deference to their elders makes my act oh so terrible. " /sarcasm

I'll never understand you people, thinking you have the right to touch other's property and decide their lives, because you think you know better than them. (and then collectively downvoting me to hell because I dare to defend the right to private property of mentally competent people and condemning theft)

It's impossible to know the trust-dynamics in this family.

When I was a young child, my mother would regularly take money which was given to me as gifts from relatives and I would never see it again. I have full faith that whatever she did with the money was spent in more productive ways than I ever could, despite that being theft by your interpretation.

Going up this thread, the topic is that at some point the parent-child dynamic fully-reverses. Now the parent is less responsible than the child and the child may or may not need to exercise some authority in the parent's best interest.

The definitions of when this dynamic should reverse, of what "best interest" is, of what "responsible" means are all subjective but much of our world is. I personally put faith in my ability to judge people, and therefore by extension, put faith in my friends and family to generally help and intervene in my best interests when the time is necessary - I would prefer this every time over having some legal intervention and hope that it never has to come to this in my own case.

But in any case, since you're convinced he was fully mentally competent, then what was illegal? He must have fully understood that the power of attorney paperwork he signed was transferring full financial control. And it'd be hard to argue that the money was not managed in his best interests.

So if a fully competent adult willingly signs away financial decisions for his money, and those decisions are made, what problem do you have with it? After all, it was his decision to sign the paperwork, if a grown man wants to hand over financial control to someone else, why should anyone stand in his way? Just like in your scenario, if a grown man wants to hand over his life savings to anyone that can tell a sad story, why should anyone stand in his way?

Regardless of what arguments were made to persuade him that signing the paperwork was a good idea, the details were all clearly spelled out in the paperwork.

My grand-uncle (brother of grandmother) was always 'strange' for all my family, for the entire life, because he had some ideas unavailable to mere mortals that live their cooking-eating-relaxing lives. But when we spoke in his room full of books and maps, I was surprised how many things he knew and did. He spoke on 6 (iirc) languages and traveled a lot on ex-ussr territory. In last years he suffered a stroke and became helpless for some time and cannot speak with usual speed. Ofc family members took care of him, but now that they are stronger and faster thinking, they can laugh on his intents and not take his wishes seriously, saying he is dumb. It's all about cooking-eating now. Though recently one day he just went to train station, bought a ticket a met his friend in other city (800km). He returned succesfully. He is not an idiot, I visited him after disease and he is still my grand-uncle, the same mindset, just very slow speaking and thinking. Others don't give a fck. No, they treat him with care, but never seriously. That's hell.

Now, dear reader (not to kahrkunne, he already knows it), after you read that, I beg you, please stop supporting that awful attitude to a human being* who lived his life and now wants to spend his worth as he wants. Do not put your nose into his business, because there is a chance that your comfortable-cooking-eating mind just cannot understand what life is about.

For others who are concerned about this range of problems, consider the following issue carefully: elderly parents who for whatever reason compromise their financial and/or physical health are placing a direct burden on you. Although their debts do not transfer to you, you may very well be on the hook due to familial obligations. E.g. your MIL gives up all of her assets to a fraudster. You cannot bear to see her homeless - so you step in financially. Her actions are now reducing your wealth and quality of life.

One solution to this is to anticipate and discuss issues well before they arise. Transfer assets to trusts for grandchildren. Create living trusts where a child is a trustee. Watch your parents' financial accounts. Talk to them about common scams [Nigerian/IRS/Gift card/Email]. Train them to always confirm with a family member before transferring money anywhere.

There is also the option of pursuing Guardianship and Conservatorship should that become necessary.

On the flip side, I grew up in a Taiwanese household in America.

Culturally, such a thing is not considered a burden, and is part of the continuity of lineage.

What's fascinating for me is that:

(1) There is an assumed incompetency for the elderly

(2) Deeper still, seems to me a lot of people in America has trouble with death and dying.

Several years ago, my father died of lung cancer. I only got to visit him once, for a week. We arranged for a limited power of attorney to try to get the finances in shape, but I wasn't able to accomplish everything he wished for me. He wanted to make sure I had a legacy from him. I wasn't able to visit him one more time to tell him what his real legacy he left behind was.

My sister is an MD, and arranged for an in-home care. She financially took care of my parents even before my dad died -- bought a car for him to drive, bought a fridge for my mom to replace that crusty old thing, paying gas bill because my mother insists on keeping the house at 50F to save on money.

I don't think either my sister or I consider that heroic. It's just the thing to do.

You (and involuntarily your step mother) would be doing the public a service and all this would not be for naught.

If he is outside of the US, can she articulate the wedding plans in more detail? Has she looked into immigration law and things like that? Does she have a passport? Have they met? If not, how does she intend on meeting him? Which country are they going to get married in - and will the marriage be legal both places? I mean, I met my spouse over the internet (non-scammy) and the details really are somewhat of a pain, but was worth it for us... and we met a few times before marriage.

The gist being more that thinking realistically might help snap her out of it some.

If she comes around, are there laws that help victims of scammers that would allow for things like debt relief?

Not sure where he is located. She says that she met him for dinner twice in one week. At that point, I think she had given him $90k, so even if he was not local, the incentive to fly out for a week would be pretty high. As for plans, they are characteristically nebulous and not well thought-out.

I don't think 'thinking realistically' is going to help. When his VoIP number gets shut down, he messages her and says he got a new number "because his old phone got smashed". When I point out that you don't get a new number when your phone breaks, she shrugs. I showed her an outline of the scam and it matched her situation exactly. I showed her news articles (like this one), I pointed out obvious lies. I wish I could reason my way out of this, but I don't think that's the case.

EDIT: as for laws that help people out -> Not that I know of. You can consolidate accrued debt, but that's it.

The whole situation really sucks, and I hope she finds her way out. Must be really difficult watching the whole thing.

She listens, agrees, and then sends him more money.

It's something about cognitive dissonance.

I wonder if there is a known way to convince someone who is in this state. Cult debunkers and such might have thoughts?

That's how the Seventh-day Adventist Church was started. A church that today has more than 18 million members.

You can't reason people out of something they didn't reason themselves into.

People mostly believe what they want to believe.

http://www.npr.org/2011/07/17/138281522/how-bible-stories-ev...

https://skepticalteacher.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/the-embarr...

Beyond that, it's the entire history of the document, with the first 400 or so years being particularly amusing. To be clear, it's not like the same isn't true for other scriptures. You know that lovely story about Moses' birth? Just a ripoff of Sargon of Akkad's origin story, which was almost certainly not original.

Aside from the fact that you're impersonating someone, what would the legal ramifications be of "stealing" from someone only to deposit the money in an account they nominally control, but aren't aware of?

Frankly, an escort or camgirl habit could be cheaper.

This. And I suspect she's paying for the appearance of being treated seriously and having her emotions treated seriously, which OP clearly fails to deliver by arguing that she's wrong. I don't have many constructive ideas what to do, but don't repeat things that have never worked in the past and pay attention to her needs, not yours, might be a good starting point.

You have no idea what the situation is. This isn't some old lady we stuffed in an apartment and ignored on the other side of the city. My wife talks to her every day and we see her in person 4-5 times a week. She comes over for dinner every single weekend. She was treated seriously, right up until the point that she lost her life savings and started laundering money.

Remember it's not only quarter million bucks, but also her romantic feelings and her faith in this scammer and people in general. And her judgment and common sense.

So by some stupid fluke she took this risk and now she will do everything to make it work and prove she's right. The scammer offers her a path forward by promising happiness ever after, you guys don't because you keep telling her she will fail. This is roughly what I meant by "appearance of being treated seriously".

Probably she had never been that much of a fool, maybe she heard people laughing at others who had, it's entirely possible that it just doesn't occur to her that anyone could be understood and respected after such a spectacular failure. Especially if all the way along everybody was telling her she's wrong. Now if she fails she expects to be alone with it and have no one to understand her. So she can't afford her marriage plan to fail and will systematically disregard all of your advice which would kill this plan.

So what can you do? Don't listen to me, I may be totally off the mark. Don't care too much about her words, don't argue, instead pay close attention to her emotions. BTW, don't expect her to acknowledge them verbally if you catch her hiding them, it's going nowhere. Figure out what she wants, what gives her hope, what makes her anxious (probably most of the things you've been doing so far). Let her talk to heart's content about her plans regarding this scumbag and don't distance yourself from them (they are bogus anyway), let her figure it out on her own. She already has all the data to decide, but refuses to think about it. Don't treat her like a child by repeating arguments she could already recite from memory or expecting her to say one thing or another. It's her internal thoughts that really matter and you know none of it.

Think. Get help from a pro psychologist if you don't trust Internet smart-asses. Disregard anything that doesn't apply, it's all based on my observations.

Regarding the victim, my guess would be on early stages of dementia and/or emotional trauma after becoming a widow.

But if I would discuss this with a victim, I would try bringing up the psychology of a scammer. First in general terms, like the Nigeria letters, then the specifics about romance.

To really hurt someone this bad is not far from the level physical torture. It is not easy for normal people to live with the self image of destroying an innocent person's life in that way. So the perpetrators of such horrible acts have to despise and blame the victim. (This is what scare me about hateful political idealists, by the way, they tend to think people contradicting them are evil. Not an American, so this was not about the election.)

So scammers and criminals really hate and despise the victim.

(This scammer wasn't someone desperate or really poor, that is partly another discussion.)

Which gets me back to the what I comment on -- "hilop" could probably get a career in scamming, he has the right attitude to other people.

In my opinion, it's worth considering that she is aware(at least on some level) that this is a scam, and she just doesn't care, because she's too traumatized, because she longs for companionship, or whatever else reason. It's impossible to know without having a deep insight into michael_h's life, but it's worth considering.

I didn't study psychology, but from reading a bit and seeing people over the years -- I think there is a common thread with a need for perpetrators to dehumanize their victims.

About being depressed over humanity:

Compare clan societies with modern welfare states. The genes are about the same, so humans are really flexible from cultural programming. Just think about how to organize societies to make for nice places and nice people.

The point is -- don't weep for humanity any more than you would weep for cameras, because they might also be used to make bad art. Instead, wonder how to improve art education.

You could also record a video on your own phone as you swipe down through the scammer's texts as a crude way to archive them to study later so you get the impersonation right.

We can take over her finances if she is declared mentally incompetent. She's not mentally incompetent - she understands everything, but she just disagrees with the crucial bit: that the dude doesn't love her and is scamming her. As the judge told us yesterday: we are walking a fine line, taking over another person's autonomy, but it's not illegal to fall in love and do colossally stupid things.

You can literally buy the paperwork in supermarkets. Get it signed by the donor and witnessed by anyone at all, and you're set.

If there is no signed Power of Attorney paperwork, you have to persuade the Court that the person is no longer mentally competent to look after their own affairs.

Handing all of their money to a scammer counts as evidence towards that. But it's not absolutely guaranteed. There would probably be lawyers involved, and the Grant of PoA would be subject to messy and potentially expensive oversight by the Court.

Basically it's a good idea to get the paperwork ready well ahead of time, so you're not in a situation where you have to apply for a grant against a very confused person's wishes.

In the country where I was born, in my personal opinion (so this is not a neutral comment) startups are considered scams. Actually a few people elsewhere have expressed similar opinions. So, when you and an "online friend" get together and spend your own time and money, they consider it a scam. Like, if you are working with/for someone, they should be paying you! No concept of equity etc.

Now as we know, many stqrtups coasted by on "binders full of credit cards", were colossal risks. Adults have the right to do that.

Let's say someone tried to "get through to me" that there is NO SUCH THING AS SUCCESSFULLY RAISING MONEY OR A SUCCESSFUL EXIT. The problem is, they're wrong. There is such a thing.

So when you look at your mother's case - she disagrees with you. You are saying "this man is just lying to her" but she says, "no, no".

Well, ask her: does he talk about meeting her? Does he make plans to meet her? (I hope so.)

Have her plan a surprise trip to see him. It doesn't take much money to fly anywhere in the world.

If he is a scammer he will not want to see her under any circumstances. That will tell her all she needs to know.

What I mean is that you have to make her do something that is a differential between the two possibilities.

So do something - like visit the love interest - that differentiates between these cases.

I know someone in a similar situation. She's been abroad to see her "love" in Egypt regularly, and he's very attentive when she's there.

Of course they're planning to get married.

Of course it's love. What else would it be?

Works on guys too. I know someone else who has given rather a lot of money to an East European woman. I don't think they'll ever meet, because most East European women in these scams are actually criminal gangs. But we'll see.

Also, it's worth considering that these scams are marketing funnels designed to select the most gullible people and filter out everyone else. So the victims are self-selecting, because the scams are designed to find people with their particular psychological weaknesses.

So you need a much better differential when you sarcastically say "of course it's love".

At the very least, whatever enjoyment she's getting out of helping this person could be stretched out for decades, and it reduces the risk she'll be out on the streets with no options. And if the story is the guy is in debt, usually creditors are willing to negotiate a repayment plan, so it shouldn't be too hard of a sell. You could even say the scammer will benefit, since he won't get taxed as much doing it this way.

Depending on the exact terms, you might be able to fit in a conditional clause on the scammer only receiving money while they're married. Which she shouldn't oppose, since it's the plan; but a scammer would oppose.

At which point? Before meeting her paramour, she wouldn't have much incentive to lock her money away from herself. (Would you agree to this?) And afterwards, well, he really needs that money...

If your dead aunt had a Mercedes 190SL, but also owes $200,000, you can either take both or nothing.

But yeah – they won't end up in debt themselves, unless they choose to.

It only really becomes an issue if you have a strong personal attachment to assets that have high monetary value, like e.g. perhaps your childhood home - otherwise it boils down to a financial consideration.

The thing about Nigerian 419 scammers is that , like most companies, the people you deal with are low wage call center employees, not the ringleaders who get the profit

In my case she still trusted me and we got control as she developed dementia, but it took some time and money. If there is anyone else she likes or trusts more than normal, that might be the only person who csn get through.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, good luck.

Is there anyone who can still empathize with her? Strategize with them to help her. Make them the goto person that talks about this topic with her while you are in the background.

One of the biggest lessons in my life that I've learned is if I can't empathize with someone, it is very unlikely that I can help them. Of course, this doesn't mean that I am at fault necessarily. But it doesn't matter who is at fault; the fact remains: if I can't empathize, I can't help (and most likely .

Since realizing this, I've found it much more productive to find someone who can empathize with that person. Often, this someone is a person who isn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you may be. It might be a friend of hers that she used to be close with a decade ago but has lost touch since. It might be her neighbor she loves talking to because he is always agreeable (so when he disagrees for once, she is more likely to listen.) I'd try to make a shortlist of such people in her life and enlist one or more of them to help your mother-in-law.

The whole situation is beyond surreal.

From what I can gather, she met someone, but I doubt it was the same guy she's talking to over txt.

Last time I was there, a couple of guys tried to entice me into joining them. Said I would be very successful, I could act as a UN attaché or whatever. Then they told me about a guy from somewhere in SE Asia, don't remember which country but I guess they have debtor's jail, because he had indebted himself and risked prison. He managed to get out and went to Ghana to try and get his money back. He turned out to start working with them instead, a couple of months later he had a mansion and three luxury cars. There are all kinds of crazy stories.

The thing is, most of the scammers and the victims are similar (not the romance scam but the Nigerian letters). They are after a quick buck and don't care much for morals (that's why the money is always someone else's, since by accepting you are entering a conspiracy with the scammer, and you are hesitant to tell someone about it). They live large and spend a lot of money, mostly on worthless consumer stuff like expensive liquor, cars, watches and so on. So the money goes back to the West (North, really) again.

I tried to convince a guy I have come to know a little to invest instead, to build something in his community. He told me about a scammer meeting his client (that's what they call the victims) in Hamburg. He picked up half a million Euro in cash. Took it to buy trucks and other machinery and sent it to Ghana and set up a profitable leasing service in Tema, the main harbour. Another guy built a small but popular mall.

I doubt most of the con artists have a good idea of what happens to their clients though, or that they think about it much. The workers are young and enthusiastic, and the big boys don't give a damn. Many victims turn mad, happened to a friend's uncle who got hooked way back when they sent faxes.

The trick is simple yet powerful - obviously the letters are made to funnel gullible people, but also greedy people with low morals. This would help the scammer justify it to himself. Another justification is that their countries have already been robbed for centuries. By entering a conspiracy, the client will be hesitant to tell anyone about it. After that, it's just the sunk costs fallacy, or "sending good money after bad". Every time the stakes are higher, but the choice is to keep believing you will get paid or say bye bye to even more money than you're sending, and accept the truth. It might also partly be an exploit of the looser bonds between people, where many of us have individual economy and are reticent to share our financials/earning/spending with others, even close friends and family, and especially if we suspect they might disagree.

Scammers are also quick to exploit current events. Last time I went to visit, one guy showed me a con he was working on which was a romance con. He acted as a British officer stationed in Iraq, who had come across some of all of the lost billions of dollars the US brought there in cash.

There are a lot of 419ers in Ghana, disliked by many but they spend in bars and hotels. They tend to live on credit though (the workers), only (hopefully) paying their bills after a payout. I'm not sure about the central police department, but the local police are definitely bought off. I know them via the innkeeper, a Ghanaian who don't like them much but they give him business. It's a crazy world.

I can tell you though that there is some more disturbing things going on in Ghana, with what they call Sakawa Boys. Sakawa is the name for online scams. Sakawa Boys are more into carding/skimming, but there is a way darker side to Sakawa which I don't think is happening with the 419ers. They are also much less approachable, at least to me, Nigerians (at least in Ghana) tend to be very easy going and open.

The thing with Sakawa is that it is tied up with juju/voodoo and dark magic. They will perform various rituals to earn magic, money attracting powers. I'm interested in magic myself but stay the hell away from this. It's hard to know what's real and how the whole thing works, but young men (around 20) often unemployed, poor and lusting for a western lifestyle, status and respect will go to a witch doctor to get magical powers.

The witch doctor will tell them to perform a ritual. It may involve snakes or other animals, but sometimes they will be told to kill a person and bring, well, body parts. After that they will get magic money earning powers. It's shrouded in secrecy and nobody likes to talk about this but I think it's similar to entering a gang, you need to prove yourself. Same thing which also happens in secret societies. It's a way of building unbreakable loyalty because you have done something unthinkable together. The difference with criminal gangs in the west is the whole dark magic thing. Really, it's just about power, bonds and hierarchy.

The thing is, you will see young men (the big boys, usually, around 30 perhaps) with extremely luxurious cars. In an area with people living in shacks you will see someone roll up in a Bentley, even. I don't quite understand how they make all that money. Even young men will have bags of cash. There are Sakawa girls too, who will romance you and steal your card.

This is much harder to know about because nobody will talk about it. I suspect it also involves the drug trade, since West Africa has become a port for cocaine from South America. Sometimes a boat will come ashore with mountains of coke.

There is a guy in the area where I use to visit who always walks around completely naked, in a zombie like state. He could have been 17 last time I was there almost three years ago. I was told someone had performed voodoo on him and he was unable to wear clothes. I'm pretty sure he has been given datura, which may well be the worst drug known to man (apparently, the British soldiers who fought down Bacon's Rebellion took it).

These witch doctors wield considerable power and are a huge problem in parts of West Africa.

Thanks again, I'll write something up when I get some inspiration and peace and quiet.

question: you write in one point here "I'm interested in magic myself." You can't say that to this crowd if you said it I would stop reading your article for credibility reasons. So if you believe that any kind of magic or spells exist (that aren't tricks), then you should separate out this belief from your report, because (just telling you honestly) it makes you lose any credibility. if by 'interested in magic' you meant like tricks/illusion (rather than actual magic, which most people here would say doesn't exist) then you should be more explicit.

you've written a lot more interesting things here than even in your original reply. I am fascinated and hope you will find the time to write it up. if you submit it to HN you can refer to this thread where I asked you to :) very very interesting.

I guess I could put it this way, Clarke's quote ("Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic") is mistaken, any sufficiently advanced technology is magic, it's just that we are disillusioned.

I agree that it's more honest to be an illusionist than a witch doctor, but there are powerful magicians out there today, take Trump for instance, he's got the whole world enthralled.

I have just summoned tens of points to my karma account using nothing but my words, and I'm sure there are more to come.

It's not a big deal. Thanks for the advice though. ;)

if you write it the way you've just written it, that won't be an issue. Just be clear that what you've shared with us just now already sounds like a comic book!! :) I mean, you've literally written that there are people who ask people to kill someone and get body parts, as part of voodoo. There are people walking around naked after being given drugs. The last thing that is needed is for the narrator to themselves also be suspect, for example by reporting that someone shows him how to levitate objects with his mind (no tricks and technology), and that it works.

So I really look forward to reading more whenever you write it up. What you've written so far is already comic-book style! But I hope you won't embellish and will stick to the facts. :)

Regarding the events, it's not comics. It's happening, and it's gotten worse the last 10 years. Voodoo comes from the deltas stretching from eastern Ghana over Togo and Benin to western Nigeria. Whatever it is they do they wield considerable control over people, to the point where big investments are dropped, houses never finished, parents leaving babies to fend for themselves.

But it's like @qb45 says, just google it. I want to advise though that there are many rumours as well, not the least because witch doctors have an interest in building the fear and the criminals want to instil respect and keep away nosy people.

Lastly, you come across as pretty rude to me. Just want to remind you that their is another person writing this, and I don't particularly like being talked about in third person and discredited for sharing an experience. So a piece of advice in return, think for a moment about they way you write about my writing having "issues" or what is or is not "needed", and it'll be fine.

OP's stuff is business as usual, really.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_incidents_of_cannibali...

You have it all - magic, satanism, naked guys eating people on the street, etc.

It's interesting because it's first-person. The list you've given is interesting too but all over the map - OP can report as a direct source, in the first person, not curate information from elsewhere. (Which is why I think it's important for him to not to accidentally sound like he's saying he's able to levitate things with his mind or anything like that. his followup makes this clear.)

if he does write something, you don't have to read it - but I certainly will!

And magic is a shit test IMO.

I guess it also helps the client justify things to himself. There is money in people who feel guilty.

you are saying that your mother is not senile, and is just (acting) 'stupid'. But if this is the case, why don't you ask her about the details (excuses and so forth)?

Has she told you things like, "Yes, I realize that there are scams, but this is not one of them."

Is she otherwise intelligent? If she is intelligent and you got as far as her saying, "Yes, I realize there are scams, but this is not oen of them" then you could discuss rationally how you know...

the scammer could also kind of believe it from their end.

When I work on startups with others, this isn't a scam.

So your terms "irrational", "outlandish", "without a shred of proof" or with "proof to the contrary" is insufficient. You need to come up with a more polarizing differential that can differentiate between a dyed-in-the-wool scam and love amidst sketchy-ass finances.

In one case, there are just big risks that on average won't work out. In the other, there is no possibility for success because one party has no intention of following through on their promises.

If the scammer were actually in love, and just taking the money with the intention of investing it, but consistently blowing it in Vegas due to a gambling addiction, that wouldn't be fraud because he's still being honest.

It's the lying at issue, not the soundness of the investment.

And frankly I don't see many people saying "take options at a random startup to get rich, that's a good financial investment". Have you?

That's not my point. if there's even a SINGLE person who is checking off all of the fraud checkmarks but is genuine, then it's more like a lottery.

For example, the famous Fedex story (you can google) where Fedex didn't have just a few more weeks of cash runway and would have had to shutter as it tried to raise it's investment round, and the founder gambled in Vegas to make their fuel run. Google that story.

100% scammer red flags - except it's real.

So, we have to differentiate. The mother in this equation is playing a lottery ticket that this particular person isn't a scammer. If there's even a single genuine story like that, anywhere, then that means it's a lottery ticket.

So it's not as simple as you say. For your question at the end, yes, I have seen that. :)

from the startup world, uBeam is a fraud, it's a scam: but it doesn't matter if their intent is valid or if they have convinced themselves to believe it. (I mention this as it's one of the only examples from the startup world.)

the legal situation may be different, but as a practical matter I don't think what you're saying is enough.

> how do you believe someone loves you and is going to marry you without seeing them?

How does one believe that? Well, they choose to. It might very well be irrational, it might be outlandish, yet they still choose to believe it. People choose to believe all sorts of outlandish things all the time. Sometimes they were right after all, sometimes not. Given that this instance perfectly fits established patterns of scams I think it's a perfectly fair assumption that this is a scam until proven otherwise.