But if we're sharing anecdotes:
- our (almost) 3 year old gets screen time(cartoons in the evening, just so I can cook dinner while my wife works), but speaks two languages fluently at this point, and understands when to switch between them.
- our friends 3 year old has zero screen time, very engaged parents, and knows like 5 words, babbles a lot otherwise. They've been for different consulatations about this and apparently it's completely normal, sometimes kids develop language skills a bit later and that's fine.
What I think is definitely related is parents giving their kids dummies after they turn one - I've seen kids as old as 3-4 years still using them, and I've heard about parents just doing it so "the kids stays quiet". It absolutely breaks my heart.
Banning candy for your kid is a more apt comparison, and that seems to be very ineffective to me.
I think screen time is proxy for something else, maybe general parental attention. You can have plenty and watch TV, or have no screen time and no attention either.
A child's day is long and has very few responsibilities, there is plenty of time for attentive, creative playing even around an hour or two of screen time.
You don't need to think statistically, you need to parent.
So what? To a literal reading of Tom Sawyer, dead cats are a standard American toy. Might even help cure warts.
>You don't need to think statistically, you need to parent.
Indeed. Parent with the assumption that your child will become a statistic.
With a parent like that I'm sure they will.
Thanks for the judgement though
https://www.youtube.com/@msrachel
?
I’m more on the “quality of screen time” and “method of screen time” as my modifiable factors. Zero screen time seems (I cringe saying this) impossible.
It hasn't really been hard at all. He just gets involved in everything around the house. He helps cook and clean and look after his baby brother.
Basically you don't use your phone near your child unless it's absolutely critical. That means - don't browse mindlessly, check social media, or news etc. Then all you have left is basically the occasional work related email that is urgent, which can probably be taken care of in mere seconds unless you need to action something.
A good thing to do anyway.
> Then all you have left is basically the occasional work related email that is urgent,
I tell clients I do not check email regularly. If something is urgent they can phone or text message.
I'm going to be a father in a couple months and I'm observing most of my friends who did care about avoiding screens for their children give up partially on the idea because they've categorized it borderline impossible. I'm talking about parents who did deeply and seriously care about it prior having the kid.
Meanwhile I have two othwr friends who kinda got away with no screens. But i feel they do put a lot more effort for it.
So my take observing those samples: expectation management and be self-aware of how much sacrifice does it take.
If anyone has more adivice on this I'd appreciate too.
There's a plus side for us as well, since reading, doing hobbies, and being in closer touch with friends is what we would (in our unwarped-by-phone-addiction moments) rather be spending our time doing.
What will you do regarding schools, have you thought about that? Normally I'm not a control freak, but I worry that our hard work protecting him from the negative effects of screen addiction will quickly be destroyed if he's put into an environment where every other kid has a phone and is addicted to it.
It's the phone of other kids, they will not give their phones away
If all of them will use phones and chat via them, not having one will be social isolation.
Truth be told I realise that this is a case where whatever you do, there will be consequences. I myself I don't really know how I'd approach that.
That’s giving me hope
*IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER THAT I AM NOT A PARENT* i cannot judge others for how they raise their children as i do not and will almost certainly never have any of my own, however i can still discuss the topic and raise concerns even with the understanding that i may be missing things and i am willing to accept that may indeed be the case
1. Whilst there IS good content on there. A lot of it is complete nonsense. cocomelon, paw patrol, baby shark, AI generated rubbish etc. and quite a lot of the games are terrible. Toddlers don't know the difference between what is good and what is bad. You cannot monitor them effectively because amazon provides access to all content by default. He would quite easily get through 20-30 apps/videos in one sitting. That's a lot of different content!
2. Instead of reading, playing with his lego, wooden blocks, trainset or doing puzzles, his goto became the tablet. He wanted it at all meal times, in the car, and before bed. If we didn't give it to him, he had a meltdown. So we ended up giving it to him as we didn't have time to deal with the meltdown. Before the tablet, he didn't really meltdown at all.
3. Whilst he communicates well and talks a lot for a 2 year old. When using the tablet, he would completely zone out... "Would you like to eat supper?" ... tumbleweed. That's not great and aligns with TFA.
4. Not sure if correlated because there are lots of other factors at play but his bedtimes became a nightmare. He wanted the tablet, when before we read books like Mog the Cat or similar. Instead of being content with Daddy singing Jelly on the Plate, he wanted the horrid video on the tablet.
5. We live in a lovely rural area in the UK and he stopped wanting to go outside to instead play with the tablet.
6. Again, not sure if correlated but he became more irritable and restless after using the tablet.
7. He would complain there is nothing to do despite the availabily of toys.
And so... One day we told him the computer was broken. Mummy sent it to the factory to get it repaired. And... It's still being repaired to this day.
The first day was hell but now he's stopped asking for it and he's back to his normal self.
Perhaps we'll introduce it again when he's a bit older.
I don't want to come across as evangelical about it, but it is the best decision I think we've made as parents.
Honestly don't understand parents who would swap the facade of "it shuts them up" when in reality you have kids who you can take to dinner and they'd happily just sit there with a coloring book vs the drama about how much charge they have left on their tablet and constantly having to tell them to put it down to eat.
Dunno starts to feel like a false economy where you're trading off acknowledging them elsewhere for a moment for every other interaction being amplified into drama mostly centered around the tablet, how much charge is on the tablet, when the tablet must be put down etc.
Eating out with my son is difficult because he cannot focus on something for more than a few minutes. I’m sure some kids would be content to sit and color for like 30mins but I don’t think it’s the norm at 2.
I feel a lot of our generation take the attitude that screen time didn't harm us (hey, we've done ok) which I'm not sold on - I wonder sometimes how I might have turned out if I didn't spend so much time on video games or messing around online as a kid.
This website claims their program has 5th graders succeeding at AP math: https://www.mentava.com/
Kids are capable of more than we give them credit for. Adults are incredibly vain and infantilize their children to preserve their adult egos. Hands on experience and self paced learning across contexts is the key to education success. Not our dilapidated social institutions and reductive philosophy like avoiding screen time. Thats vanity speaking.
My kids started with desktops, not phones, and with carefully chosen software - GCompris was the first thing I remember.
Boredom is often a good thing - it motivates you to find things to do.
He uses ipad for games/shows at least once every 2-3 days.
There is a clear selection bias especially on HN, where a lot of people are quite intelligent and educated. Our offspring will have the same learning traits.
I can see parents giving their child a screen because of the fact they need to distract the child for a few minutes while they do something.
Like, what came first? The screentime or the good behavior?
He plays happily by himself, and is always asking questions. People always compliment him on being well behaved, kind and very articulate.
It seems almost taboo to suggest it might be be something to do with the lack of screen time, but I can't help but think it plays a large role. I see how hard I struggle to deal with boredom and refrain from using my phone and I never want to inflict that onto a child.