Yes, exactly!

Part of maturing is realizing that you are but a link in a chain; and all the potential futures in which you saw yourself as the protagonist fade into a fuzzier (and less direct) set of potential futures which your children will shape and navigate through.

Meanwhile, we are also becoming captive to the stories that we tell ourselves about ours lives and the stories that our culture tells us about our value. But though it's not easy, you can change the story you tell yourself at any time... and watch your life fill-in with possibilities again.

It's actually that easy. I know quite a few people who try to fill the void with dogs, cats or even work, but children are the real deal.

You’re being downvoted and I know why: I ran into so many people in the Bay Area that felt that pets were sufficient substitutes for kids. It’s not even remotely the same level of love, emotion, and wholeness.

It's only karma points, I have more than I need :)

Counterpoint: they will lock you down even harder, and you'll be dreaming of the possibilities that will present when they eventually move out.

I was very scared of this happening but it didn’t. I’ll be so sad when they move out but will be exciting to see what they do with their lives.

That's a sad, cruel way of looking at it.

Well he did say "counterpoint". But i agree

unless you understand yourself as part of a larger arc of a story that is told over decades and generations.

learn

create

teach

consult

each has its time

It depends on individuals. I have a son but I believe having kids is just taking and giving away. One takes something and gives away other stuffs. Eventually it's a gamble and one better feels that one gets a bit more than he throws away.

People who have children to fill a “void” end up disappointed. They grow up, they move away, they either resent how little they had or how much they had given to them and what it has done or not done for their fledging careers.

I have three. No regrets, but I didn’t do it to give my life meaning. They are their own people and I am responsible for giving my life meaning, no one else.

At some point, you are back with yourself and own thoughts. This is neither good nor bad. It simply is.

My parents used to complain a lot about how much they sacrificed for me and I didn't get it.

Well now I do get it that I have a son, but I'll never say that to him. He is only 4.5 so we will see. I just don't want him to feel that he owes me anything. He doesn't owe me anything. Whatever I do for him, I do so willingly and the result is all mine to take, good or bad.

That behaviour was frequent for the previous generation of parents, but it almost vanished with the current one

For a lot of people, but not for everybody.

Not only that, but there are several different modes of meaning in a life. Family is one aspect, career/community is another, building yourself and heath is another. Thinking of the "one" thing that gives life meaning is very limiting.

Especially as what is meaningful to you may change as time goes on.

I disagree with the premise that one should make children for the sake of filling a void.

You make children due to other unrelated reasons and afterwards you realise that they fill the 'void', too, besides fulfilling the initial reasons.

Yes. People do not want to give up some finite freedoms in exchange for preserving their lineage. This is a very modern and sad problem and the source of so much angst of the middle aged. But of course, most people are too hedonistic and self absorbed to realise this.

I have a child. In fact I am an empty-nester. So here we are again.