In my next life I think I will do this. I decided to get married and have kids, so this one is mostly spoken for---but next time round I am doing the sabbatical thing.

It’s OK to spend your sabbatical with your family.

It’s different when you have people depending on you! Not OP but I’d love to spend a sabbatical with my family… if I could afford it. I’d need a much bigger cushion.

The antithesis of a sabbatical - having crying, yelling babies and a laundry list of chores and tasks

Sounds like you really like your family

Sounds like you haven't had children. It's pretty universal. It's incredibly draining literally every minute that they're awake. You have no time nor mental power left at the end of the day. For years.

I think it's very indivildual. My daughter is 9 months old now and only first 1-2 months were pretty draining. But then you just get used to it. Note that I'm working from home (for 4 years now). So it's not like I was rushing to an office asap every day.

This may be different if you have more that one kid or a different family situation of course.

Might things change when she starts walking?

Exactly my thought. A well-sleeping kid who stays where you put them is not that much work for now. But when they start being mobile and explore the world on their own, you will need to keep an eye on them forever.

Well, fortunatelly or not: things always change. Not to mention we are planning more kids.

But still: everything is individual.

My first was daughter was very quiet and I thought I somehow had got something right on first try. The next four of my kids has not been even though they share both parents.

I think I should be happy for this: If they'd all been as harmonic as my first one I could easily ended up giving well meant parenting advice telling others "just do as I did, be kind and careful and encouraging and it will sort itself out".

No judgement here - I’m a parent who continues to make mistakes.

But it doesn’t matter if you’re building software or raising a family - it doesn’t have to be draining. In fact your best work will never show up when it is.

We have two kids under 4, and across our friends one thing that continues to amaze me is how different children are, and therefore the parenthood experience.

One of my girls is the sweetest, calmest, peaceful bundle of hugs. The other is a low-sleep, hyper energetic, demanding chatterbox. She is relentless from 5am and raising her is draining.

I don’t mean “resentful” - we chose this, and to not outsource them to childcare. But some kids are absolutely more work: if your typical day is 12-15 hours of sales, negotiating, customer service, and all-team workshops, if you get little sleep and no weekends or half-days, year after year, you will be tired. I bootstrapped a software business to 7 figures ARR solo, and raising her is more draining. And more rewarding.

I never cease to be amazed at how many people aren't aware that there are difficult children to raise. They seem to think that how you feel about life is determined entirely by how well you Jedi mind trick your attitude into always being positive.

Life is hard for some people! Sorry you have to hear about it in public, but if it's that annoying for you to just hear it, imagine living it!

I know I was like that second child you mention.

Whenever I feel sorry for myself it helps to think about my dad who had to live with me as his first child (and I have more siblings that children : )

> some kids are absolutely more work

no argument on that point!

I have two kids

I'm currently on long term parental leave, and my perspective differs. Sabbaticals are for changing your perspective and developing in different ways from full time work. I feel like I properly have time for my kids because they're the whole focus, so it doesn't feel like a list of chores at all, or something that is preventing from living life. Instead, it feels like the most fulfilling experience of my life so far.

Daily duties are still going to be there during a sabbatical. You still have to cook and wash your clothes, your teeth and upkeep your environment, but you have full flexibility of when and how and where.

THe thing is - your family needs them moneys. Can't have those without a job.

And if you family is "wife+N small kids" - you can't really leave a job for long. Even if you are an IT guy with a good salary.

Spendings don't expand to match earnings by magic or a law of nature. You let it happen. You don't have to.

Maybe that's true up until you have a kid. Once you have a kid, spending expands as the kid does.

Baby require nothing but clothes, cheap food and love.

Teenagers require all sorts of things for school and activities. I mean, technically you don't have to provide them, I guess, but if you want a well developed kid who will have their own success, you have to do some investing.

Many people (in fact more than 50% even in the US according to cnbc [1]) live paycheck to paycheck.

Not to mention that spending structure change over time. Back when I was 20 - I only needed that much money to buy myself some food and drinks, a pair of sneakers or boots once a few years + some here and there spending. Nothing big.

Now I need to provide for my kid, wife who is on maternalily leave and I need to save some money for my mother (call it her additional pension) and my family because you can really have a family and no savings. God knows what will happen.

And if you have a kid (even one) - you need to spend a ton of money on clothes alone. They grew really fast, they get dirty when they eat or shit (in case diaper was put in a wrong way at night for example) etc.

Unless you are really rich - you won't be able to leave your job for long. I can imaginge 3-6 months leave if you are a Senior Developer or higher and you live in a country with stable economy\political situation.

In any other case - I doubt anyone will take such risks unless they are literally about to go insane or something.

[1]: https://www.cnbc.com/2022/10/24/more-americans-live-paycheck...

The fact that most people do it doesn't mean that _you_ as an individual have to do the same. Source: 40, 2 kids, single earner, could retire anytime I want.

"Could" is not the question here. The question is quality of life and for many people in many countries simply access to rather basic goods.

It's great that you can just retire anytime I you want, hopefull without any downgrade for family's well being. I'm just saying this is not always on option.

You have enough savings to last 40+ years? That is impressive. Did you accomplish that outside of being an owner of a business?

Where would you advise people should cut back on? Education? Vacation? Toys? House size?

I'm currently taking a sabbatical for a year. My son is still young enough that he finishes school in the early afternoon and we get to spend most of the day together. It is bliss. The projects that I'm working on still get time in the morning, and in the evening.

What kinds of ideas if you wouldn't mind sharing?

Countless creative projects. I was never much of an art type person before I started taking long breaks from work. With this free time I've been able to break away from mainstream thought towards creativity and consumption and started exploring the quiet, slow world of human perception and awareness. A stronger appreciation for the parts of society that capitalism doesn't care about because it's unprofitable. All my ideas relate to slowly engaging with an unfiltered reality. I've taken on more of an artists view of the world, and the world and nature is full of inspiration.

I’m doing the same. But ageism in the software industry start to concern me since it will inevitably apply to me.

I wonder if I will always be able to find a job that easily.

What is your plan for retirement? Eating your savings regularly would erode compound growth.

I honestly don't think too deeply about this. I'm not at the age where I need to maximize an optimal retirement plan (of course the earlier the better). I just hope that in the end everything will work out. I'd rather focus on growing as a person now than much later in life. Compound personal growth is my focus instead of the monetary kind. A lot can change in 30 years. Maybe I'll find an alternate stream of passive income given all this free time. Maybe I'll die in 5 years. Maybe I'll find myself living a happily extremely frugal retirement in a rural area. Or maybe I'll just continue this way of living until 80.

Can I ask how old are you? I like your way of thinking

Thank you. I'm 30. Part of this thinking also comes from a place of privilege. I don't have kids and don't plan to have kids. I have a tech background and supportive family so worse case I just fall back on that. I'm not career driven though. I don't care to tie my identity, worth, personality, and life plans to my job. It's not the most secure mindset but it's what provides me the greatest sense of peace in life. Maybe "reality" will come for me. I'm too much in the present to care right now though.

> Compound personal growth is my focus instead of the monetary kind. A lot can change in 30 years.

On the flip side, if you start working on retirement now, assuming you have no kids you could retire by 45. You'll still have your strength and fitness for 15-30 years after that point.

You become less and less employable in this field the older you get beyond that, unless you're either a top N% engineer, you found your own company, or you go into senior management. The gravy train doesn't last forever.

Definitely something to keep in mind. Thank you for the wisdom.

I have also taken a 12 month break and I share your perspective. During my year off, I took amazing leaps forward on understanding myself and how to get more of what I value in life. I’ve been back to work for about 7 years now and my growth over that time is a small fraction of back when I could invest all my energy back into myself.

A net worth value can go up or down, money can inflate, markets can crash, life events can wipe away savings, but I was able to store some value that is beyond money and it keeps paying a dividend.

I've found that I've incidentally been doing this and am already planning on continuing the pattern.

I've had some shame about not making most of my past year off though. My entrepreneurial ideas haven't taken off, I didn't quite cut it with freelancing, and I honestly didn't rest that much (just spent time worrying about $).

All learning though, I now have an idea of how much I'll need to actually feel free next time.

Any other insights though? Thanks!