I would absolutely describe that as "venting". I just wouldn't describe it as super aggressive or hostile, even though sometimes I think the letters were pretty harsh.
I sometimes do the same thing, and after I get my ideas out/vented, I end up rewriting the letter with gained empathy/understanding, and then use that as an outline for a conversation (if not reading the letter verbatim for especially difficult subjects) with the person. Otherwise, even if I feel a little better, nothing actually was resolved.
In my experience, people who engage in #2 aren't - as you seem to be implying - people who are immature and lazy.
A lot of the time they're people who struggle with the executive function necessary to actually change their life, who feel helpless and just want validation after having been made to feel insane by the #1 crowd - crowd who gives them obvious (non)solutions like "eat healthier", and "just exercise more!", and shits on them if they claim it doesn't work for them or can't do it.
People love to rationalize why and how those people are motivated to not solve their issues instead of acknowledging that, just maybe, they really can't do better, really need help, and just gravitate towards the only crowd that won't treat them like moral failures for it.
I have been disabled by overwhelmingly debilitating fatigue for a third of my life, and human tendency to treat every attempt to describe my struggles as excuses to debunk so I finally "stop feeling sorry for myself" has been dehumanizing. The victimization isn't made up. People who REALLY struggle are systematically gaslit and abused by the overwhelming majority of people. The moment people catch wind of your inability to take care of yourself, they treat you as less than human and make up one reason after another to blame you for your struggle and exclude you from deserving empathy.
Rant over.
Wellness has big steps sometimes, and if you tumble down a step it may take a long time to get back up, and your ability to help yourself, and anyone else, will be diminished.
What I blame people for is shaming, infantilizing, and treating people who struggle like nutjobs worthy only of ostracization for "refusing to accept help".
Acting "whiny" is almost universally seen as extremely repulsive, and nobody would act this way if they weren't genuinely helpless - whether perpetually or only in the moment.
That seems like too much of a generalisation. The issues you describe are real and that is not diminished by the fact that some people operate differently from what you imagine makes sense.
If you'd please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and stick to the rules when posting here, we'd appreciate it. We've had to ask you about this kind of thing more than once before.
On a personal level, if I have to invest too much of my time or energy managing someone else’s emotional state on an ongoing basis…then I’m not interested in maintaining that relationship. Maybe because I was once in a toxic, draining relationship which almost destroyed me..I am maybe more alert or sensitive to these issues.
But it sure hurts to have spent a decade unable to leave my house or take basic care of myself while continuously being told I'm exaggerating, making it up, just lazy, and worse, by people who couldn't even imagine just how bad my issues are.
I don't think I will ever get over the trauma of either how helpless I was, or how people treated me.
From my perspective, "it's mental health" seems like a throwaway diagnosis meant to get a patient to go and listen to a therapist, take their pills, and fit into society a little better.
Based on my knowledge, I firmly believe that a lot of the perpetually mentally unwell people - especially ones experiencing sleep disorders, GI distress, and other chronic ailments - likely have an underlying physiological condition responsible for their predisposion to mental disorders.
Today I’m sort-of functional in that I show up to work every day, get most of my tasks done, and pay the bills. But I have very poor executive function and I’m really scared of dropping off the deep end again. Stories like yours scare me and inspire some disgust because I see the same tendency in myself and I don’t want to go there.
I also know that practically speaking prolonged engagement/discussion with someone having such issues is unlikely to help. Nor is providing suggestions or blame. There’s not much anyone can do. The best I can offer is, if there was ever a period of your life where you were happier or more functional, can you see how to switch to that mode again? And if there’s one big thing blocking you (the fatigue, in your case), maybe there’s a one-time action you can perform, like going to a doctor, that could help.
I’m not offering this advice to you specifically but just to anyone who might feel similarly stuck.
Even now, I can barely work 1-3 hours a few days per week, and not starve myself while waiting for a consultation with an orthognatic surgeon.
I am aware I could do better mentally, but at the end of the day, it's difficult to cope with being unable to achieve even simplest goals I set for myself, and the crippling loneliness of nobody believing that yeah, I'm really sick, really struggling, and really not managing very well.
If your EF impairments are unremitting, it's likely that you have an underlying physiological condition. Can I ask you about the status of your sleep, digestion, and presence of any chronic health complaints, however trifle(like chronic cough, waking up grumpy, or mild indigestion)?
On people not listening nor understanding and making remarks about making it up or being lazy, it is hard when one's feelings and thoughts are not being validated.
Seek it if you feel like, but basically I predicate it on the thought modern pharma is very much trying to hit above its weight class and mental health medicine is clueless, and illiterate about the body, and AHDH is in ancient terms deeply related to vata issues, the which chronic fatigue only confirms as the real cause. Modern world is a hot vayu airy mess but I'll vent no further.
Also, PTSD is the single disorder with the highest rates of underlying physiological risk factors. Even studies only screening for sleep apnea(most younger people present as UARS) find 30-70% prevalence, sleep disorders predict long term outcomes more accurately than the underlying traumatic events, and 2/3 of people do not develop PTSD or CPTSD following trauma.
Most likely, undiagnosed UARS/apnea is present in majority of people with chronic sleep issues, and together with other physiological risk factors(early insulin intolerance, severe gut dysbiosis, thyroid problems, others) makes up the bulk of psychological illness.
The reason why things look purely psychological is because the human mind revolves around spinning narratives explaining both own and other people's experiences in terms of events and decisions.
The point of rubber duck debugging is the duck isn't talking back, or questioning why the code exists, or why the project exists, or suggesting different programming approaches - it just sits there while you work through explaining it and listening to you.
There is a tendency I have seen in people in the tech industry to try to problem solve everything. Like debugging a bug. In my experience this creates unhealthy relationships. Sometimes all we can do is listen and say, "yeah that sucks, I'm sorry".
http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/why-estrange...
and example of type (2)?
The abusers and their mental gymnastics not only hit home, it drove home the point that I was most definitely right to distance myself as much as possible rather than ever hope for some sort of reform.
I noticed something about web convos, they're often transient blips. You vent, get validated, come back a month later, vent again. It's very shallow.
Lastly, I wonder how much of youth venting is due to having too much time on their hands. Imagining a society where people just have more things to do (but also integrated faster and smoother in the work force) ... I'd bet 10$ that people would vent less. It's not a cheap jab at young people, I had to learn that myself too.
Very important point. Similarly, many self-help groups trend towards a culture of "wound worship."
1) Venting about frustrations by talking them through with someone who will listen. This forces people to put their frustrations into words and elucidate the narrative as they put it into words. This can not only help people identify their feelings and work through them, but it also forces people to decide what a mature response would be. Once you start venting to someone you know, especially someone you respect, you have an incentive to present a mature interpretation and approach to the situation. This can help immensely.
2) The other group tends to want to avoid the mature response part, and instead wants to seek sympathy and confirmation for their frustrations. They deliberately avoid discussing these issues with respected peers or mentors because they know their response is unhealthy and not a good look. They embrace online forums like Reddit and Twitter where they're free to give one-sided stories without fear of their peers calling them out for exaggerating or stretching the details. This type of venting doesn't solve anything because they don't really want solutions in the first place. There's something rewarding or perhaps freeing about hunkering down in the victim role and being showered with sympathy from random internet strangers.
I haven't seen any reason to believe the first type of venting (discussing with respected peers, seeking feedback and solutions in the process) is anything but helpful. However, the latter type of venting (online venting to collect sympathy) does seem to be quite damaging from my limited experience. There's something dangerous about going online to bond with others and seek personal affirmation in a way that's fueled by venting frustrations and victimizations. Once inside of those circles, there's an incentive to continue bringing more frustrations and more victimizations to the table to keep the bonding and community contact flowing.
The story in the article about going to a park to scream together raises my red flags as such a situation: It becomes an in-group thing where you need to adopt an outward appearance of being very frustrated to fit in with the other people in the group. Not a good incentive for improving the situation.