But it sure hurts to have spent a decade unable to leave my house or take basic care of myself while continuously being told I'm exaggerating, making it up, just lazy, and worse, by people who couldn't even imagine just how bad my issues are.
I don't think I will ever get over the trauma of either how helpless I was, or how people treated me.
From my perspective, "it's mental health" seems like a throwaway diagnosis meant to get a patient to go and listen to a therapist, take their pills, and fit into society a little better.
Based on my knowledge, I firmly believe that a lot of the perpetually mentally unwell people - especially ones experiencing sleep disorders, GI distress, and other chronic ailments - likely have an underlying physiological condition responsible for their predisposion to mental disorders.
Today I’m sort-of functional in that I show up to work every day, get most of my tasks done, and pay the bills. But I have very poor executive function and I’m really scared of dropping off the deep end again. Stories like yours scare me and inspire some disgust because I see the same tendency in myself and I don’t want to go there.
I also know that practically speaking prolonged engagement/discussion with someone having such issues is unlikely to help. Nor is providing suggestions or blame. There’s not much anyone can do. The best I can offer is, if there was ever a period of your life where you were happier or more functional, can you see how to switch to that mode again? And if there’s one big thing blocking you (the fatigue, in your case), maybe there’s a one-time action you can perform, like going to a doctor, that could help.
I’m not offering this advice to you specifically but just to anyone who might feel similarly stuck.
Even now, I can barely work 1-3 hours a few days per week, and not starve myself while waiting for a consultation with an orthognatic surgeon.
I am aware I could do better mentally, but at the end of the day, it's difficult to cope with being unable to achieve even simplest goals I set for myself, and the crippling loneliness of nobody believing that yeah, I'm really sick, really struggling, and really not managing very well.
If your EF impairments are unremitting, it's likely that you have an underlying physiological condition. Can I ask you about the status of your sleep, digestion, and presence of any chronic health complaints, however trifle(like chronic cough, waking up grumpy, or mild indigestion)?
On people not listening nor understanding and making remarks about making it up or being lazy, it is hard when one's feelings and thoughts are not being validated.
On a personal level, if I have to invest too much of my time or energy managing someone else’s emotional state on an ongoing basis…then I’m not interested in maintaining that relationship. Maybe because I was once in a toxic, draining relationship which almost destroyed me..I am maybe more alert or sensitive to these issues.