> nobody would act this way if they weren't genuinely helpless
That seems like too much of a generalisation. The issues you describe are real and that is not diminished by the fact that some people operate differently from what you imagine makes sense.
What I blame people for is shaming, infantilizing, and treating people who struggle like nutjobs worthy only of ostracization for "refusing to accept help".
Acting "whiny" is almost universally seen as extremely repulsive, and nobody would act this way if they weren't genuinely helpless - whether perpetually or only in the moment.