But, while that may be true (it certainly sounds true), I think there is another factor at work explaining the specific result here:
If you need a diagnosis by age 7, and school is the first structured environment where symptoms are likely to be noticed, a child born in August will have essentially twice as long to manifest symptoms to qualify for the diagnosis.
If you take any condition, the number of people who will demonstrate symptoms over a two year period of observation will be greater than over a one year period, all other things being equal.
I was told the disorder is not just about not being able to concentrate or sit down. It’s more about lacking executive control that helps you to focus, stay sitting down, or keeping your mouth shut. Makes you more prone to all sorts of behavior that loses you friends and makes life generally miserable.
During my diagnosis a lot of discussion happened around non-focus things, and possible alternative solutions (including CBT through a school program, which was pretty good now that I think of it)
This was 15-odd years ago. I think that popular culture goes along the axis you say, but the reality is professionals are trying hard at the diagnosis phase I think? But meanwhile this comment means I get the “lol so you can’t concentrate? Not a real illness” BS that plagued people with clinical depression forever if I ever discuss this with certain people.
That being said, the school system is uniquely challenging to all children who have executive control difficulties. Almost nobody’s adult life is as complicated as “trying to fill the demands of 10 different teachers in a week + also grow as a human”.
But at least for me, discussion during diagnosis went beyond just school, because it does affect all parts of life in nasty ways.
I've started saying that I have a neurological issue that interferes with memory and concentration. Having been diagnosed at age 27 also helps. People react much better when they're not being blind, bigoted asshats.
Yep. For the longest time I just thought that I was lazy and disorganized and that all the "brains" everyone said I had were useless because I just made stupid mistakes continually. Everyone knew I had issues, including myself, but because everyone just thought I was forgetful and lazy the only help I got was well-meaning advice from friends and self-help books.
The really fun part: other people have stated in this thread that therapy, absent pharmaceutical assistance, has effectively no value for ADD. I believe it. All of the advice I got and tried, over a decade and a half of real effort, had about as much of an effect as spitting into a hurricane. People's personal organisational tricks are woefully insufficient for ADD, just like with every other real mental health problem in existence.
The parent for example had a gap of 20 years. It just seems strange to be relying on 20 year old notes, rather than what you see before you.
I don't know anything about the subject, and not saying anyone is wrong or anything.
It just seems very strange to me, how many parents didn't bother taking their children to the Dr X number of years ago either because of money, or just because ADHD wasn't a thing, so the parents thought the child was just naughty? Unless you start relying on the 20 year old recollections of random family members, which doesn't seem better in any way better than diagnosing them based on the here and now, which is ultimately what is important. I would far rather we treat people that have ADHD now, rather than had it 20 years ago.
Also I was much more the inattentive type than the hyperactive type.
During my diagnosis I was able to bring a bunch of report cards from my entire school career. That was useful. I empathize with parents who face the dilemma of having a child evaluated, without so much data to go on but with the pressure of not wanting to wait too long in case there is an issue.
I wasn't long on the medication, even in the 1980s there was a backlash against the overprescription and side effects of Ritalin so my mother took me off it. Later during my school years my hyperactivity was a problem, in a different school where the teachers were more strict. I received beatings for things like not sitting still on my chair and for messy handwriting. Medication could probably have helped here and also with my academic performance, though the school and the teachers really should have been more accommodating and understanding around what are rather trivial behavioural differences in the greater scheme of things.
There is big difference between ADHD and bored neurotypical child. It is not just walking instead of sitting, it is jumping on the table running around hitting kids so wild that other kids are scared - and kid is unable to control it. The same kid can be in control and all good and then suddenly loop to out of control mode in second.
There are behavioral issues related to games in my observation, but those are temporal and milder. Mostly that kid act like a jerk right after playing or during playing. Also there is ... not so great culture around gaming streams that makes kids think that being jerk is cool. It however does not cause ADHD like behavior (nor violence it seems to be).
You're sounding like: "being a certain age is a disorder".
> Requiring younger children to sit still and pay attention may be a much more challenging task since their brains are actually less developed. Thus, they more easily get pushed over the diagnosis line compared to their older classmates.
Teachers who can't control kids (and to be honest, school requirements have been getting broader) will want to give them a pill as it's easier.
Reminds to be seen what is the effect of such medicines on kids under development.
Well yea, sometimes pills help people.
> Reminds to be seen what is the effect of such medicines on kids under development
I mean adderall (amphetamine) is pretty well studied. Yea they have some adverse effects (stunted growth, not good if you have a pre-existing heart condition, etc.) but as with literally every medicine, the decision to take them or not take them requires you to balance the adverse effects (which can be monitored) with the adverse effects of the illness. It frustrates me so much to see people just flippantly ignore the actual underlying problem that the pill is supposed to be treating as though it's "healthier" to not take the pill. Depressed people can kill themselves or if they don't their lives are pretty crappy. ADHD can cause all sorts of real problems. If you think pills are just an "easy way out" then that's really insulting to people who actually benefit from using them and really don't want to have to deal with judgement from other people who clearly have no idea what it means to suffer from a serious mental illness (ADHD can be debilitating). If you do happen to suffer from a serious mental illness and do not take pills, that's great (maybe?) for you, but that doesn't mean that's the "right" way. In fact I had two parents with mental illnesses that took that route and it was really not fun growing up with that, though it was a great lesson in how not to deal with mental illness.
For many the “actual underlying problem” is that forcing small children to sit and focus on unmotivated externally assigned busywork while being passively monitored by a stressed out and outnumbered authority figure is a cruel waste of time. Many of the same kids would be just fine if their day consisted primarily of free play, especially outdoors.
Not if they have ADHD. Then they often can't focus on things they want to focus on for their own reasons.
A lot of things that people with ADHD would like to do include boring parts if you want to get good at them. Practicing scales three hours a day, or whatever.
Ding ding ding, winner. You know what sucks? Not being physically capable of paying enough attention to a piece of paperwork to be sure you've read all the instructions right and spelled everything perfectly and copied over every number with no transcription errors. Even when you desperately want to be able to focus that hard on anything in your life. Now take that and apply it to programming, watching TV, finishing video games so you get the whole story, remembering your SO's favorite things... Yeah.
I wonder if anyone has studied whether ADHD rates are influenced at all by type of schooling. I'd love to know whether KIPP (which is very heavy on "sit and focus") or Montessori (which isn't) have particularly different rates of ADHD diagnosis for their students.
Could go either way. Maybe focus is a skill that can be learned, and by drilling it you would reduce rates of ADHD? Maybe focusing is annoying, and if kids have to do it too often, they'll stop wanting to learn or focus on anything? Or maybe it's mostly biological or chemical, and the rates would be roughly the same?
I don't strongly share your intuitions, but I'd absolutely support someone giving a shot at testing the impact of schooling type on ADHD rates, validating you if your intuitions are right, or just adding more information if you aren't.
People like you are why I went undiagnosed until I was 27. Everyone around me thought that I just needed to focus harder and take better notes and get some exercise. Hell, I thought those things too, which meant I was dealing with burnout and depression on top of everything else. It ruined grad school and it's going to take me decades to catch up with my life goals. You should find a way to contribute that doesn't involve sweeping generalities that make it impossible for people with real problems to realize that they have them.
You think that me arguing for more free play for 4–8 year olds makes it impossible for adults with ADHD to realize they “have real problems”?
You think it would have made your life significantly better if teachers had started medicating you at age 6 and forced you to spend more time memorizing spelling lists or whatever?
I’m not talking about people in grad school here. Or even high school.
For whatever it is worth: I am 32, and have undiagnosed ADHD, probably more extreme than yours.
Also, while there are some shitty schools with "forcing small children to sit and focus on unmotivated externally assigned busywork while being passively monitored by a stressed out and outnumbered authority figure", ADHD happen in non shitty ones.
When kids universally hate the school and there are problems with everyone then it is one thing. When there are few kids who behave differently then other kids, then we maybe should accept that there is something different about them. Because that is the thing - many many kids like to go to school at that age. Or are indifferent to school. Or don't like it, but don't have problem to sit while class is going on. And some kids have problem to control their behavior regardless of whether they like the school, teacher and other kids.
Op wasn't describing shitty schools. He was just describing schools.
If you think that it's significantly affecting your quality of life and none of your existing coping strategies are helping - which is the actual definition of "severity", by the way, not anything about how much you think your brain sucks - you should talk to a competent doctor and/or counselor or therapist. Medical professionals have access to far better ways to address real neurological problems than you can get hold of, ranging from referrals to specialists that work 8-hour days helping people test coping strategies to medication that will directly address the underlying cause to simply being able to approach the problem with a calibrated idea of what "normal" is and deal with it with a brain that isn't affected by the problem. They can probably help you keep your job or your marriage or whatever else it is that's continuously at risk of being derailed and collapsing around you.
Yes, I know that it's hard to do. It's hard to remember to make phone calls while businesses are open. It's hard to remember when you have appointments. I know that paperwork is terrifying. It sucks. It gets better if you do it and get help. Get a good friend to sit down and help you do it. Seriously, not having gone to the doctor in years because you couldn't pull together the functional executive capacity to deal with analysis paralysis when you search for "primary care providers $mycity" is unhealthy in a ton of ways. Just call one at random. At worst you'll pick a terrible doctor and have to try again. Get friends to help. They're not crippled like you are.
(Though, if I'm going to be honest, I will say that someone self-diagnosing severe ADHD in a thread about overdiagnosis of ADHD is hilariously ironic. Nothing says that the office lifestyle is any better for adults than it is for children, after all. Go read Dilbert or watch The Office or something, we're just as bad at handling it in cubicles as we are at our assigned seats in history class! Get some fresh air, go hiking on the weekends, get your macros right and lose 20 pounds. /s)
> You think it would have made your life significantly better if teachers had started medicating you at age 6 and forced you to spend more time memorizing spelling lists or whatever?
I did perfectly well on spelling tests and homework and projects during school. In fact, I barely needed to "study" anything at all. Maintained a high A all the way through to the end of my undergraduate. It just turned out that the month-long and semester-long projects sharply limited the scope of the careless mistakes I'd make that would, on real-life-sized projects, cascade into crippling architectural issues. So I just figured I needed to work harder (because "smart people don't work hard") and take better notes and pay more attention to the big picture. And I burned out catastrophically. Those problems all went away overnight when I finally managed to talk to a doctor about it. It was magical. I have so far not been able to identify any side effects rising above the noise floor.
So, based on the side effects and benefits of medication so far, yes, I actually really would have liked to have had it earlier. At least ten years earlier. I'd have spent exactly as much time studying - i.e. none - gotten back the 10% of my grade that I usually spent misreading the fucking question, been able to handle personal projects big enough that I'd have been able to get real practice with project management and software architecture, and gotten papers out of the research projects I was involved with during my undergraduate. I'd have been able to go to the doctor reliably and avoid the stress and wasted time I spent dealing with carelessly fucked-up paperwork. And that all would have compounded on itself to improve my life exactly the way the failures compounded the way it actually happened. If I'd had this shit ten years ago I'd probably have my fucking PhD right now and be working on getting tenure, which is what people were expecting when I was in second grade.
Beyond any difficulties with controlling attention, I think this has a lot to do with lack of practice with large (and “real”) projects, ramping up in scope and scale slowly over the course of years. This is a big problem with the school curriculum/pedagogy, IMO.
Many people I know working in creative jobs (computer programming and otherwise) have various problems with large-scale project management, long-term problem solving strategies, etc., plenty of which have nothing to do with ADHD.
Now, I'm not saying that nobody has ADHD and that it's not a horrible problem for those who do. Sometimes, I really do wonder if I might have it, though I tend to think against it. But for those who truly do have ADHD, I understand that medicine is needed, and that the sooner we give it, the better off those students can learn. I just feel that OP was saying we test for it way too young, and expect way too much out of kids when testing for it.
There needs to be a balance between free play and structured learning, where the youngest students spend more time in free play than older students. The primary function of school is learning, and learning is often very structured time. Children need to be able to handle that type of environment.
Why?
Are you serious? You think that young children don’t learn from free play? What in the world is your definition of “learning”?
> how much the teacher needs to [..] test for
Oh I see. You mean “learning” as judged exclusively by standardized multiple-choice tests.
Well fine, it’s not exactly surprising that if we force children to spend 5+ hours per day sitting in rows in desks working independently filling out busywork worksheets or watching teachers solve similar trivial exercises on a whiteboard, they will be better at doing the same thing for arbitrary test points than someone who hasn’t spent any time practicing that, even if both kids think the test is a pointless waste of time.... but that doesn’t really indicate anything at all about children’s abilities more generally.
If we instead measured the kids’ balance, strength, running speed, hand-eye coordination, intuitive understanding of physics, ability to improvise mechanical devices from found objects, knowledge of local plants and animals, emotional self-understanding and self-control, negotiation and bargaining skills, social organization/leadership, .... we would find that the professional worksheet-fillers are years behind their playing peers.
Some of the most capable (even at book-smarts) people I ever met were absolutely horrid throughout school, but then did amazing things after. Others never went to school at all and still did amazing things. Others I know aced every test right up through college, and then had no idea what to do afterward, because they had never really been forced to think for themselves.
Getting children to be as successful as possible at multiple-choice tests at age 8 is not a good top priority for the education system.
I also think you're ignoring the extent to which a neurological difference has been medicalized here. Depression is truly debilitating in any context. Here ADHD is sometimes being diagnosed due to a poor fit between an artificial environment and and children who would have been seen as "normal" had they been born a week later. Is there actually a problem with those kids? Or is the problem with an industrial-age education system that expects kids to demonstrate obedience all day and drugs the ones who don't? That's far from the only way to educate children; maybe the problem is not the child's brain, but that we expect all children to fit a very specific mold.
I got mostly A's in K-6. Once in 4th grade another student pitched a tiny fit about how I always got A's on spelling quizzes.
After that my grades started to decline. I was having trouble with the increasing demands of the work. Graduated high school with a 2.25 GPA or something like that.
In college I was diagnosed with ADD.
The industrial-age education system wasn't a problem for me, until it became a problem for me.
But it really isn't the problem, because ADD can prevent people from being able to focus on things they want to do of their own free will in their own time. Industrial-age education isn't an issue there.
So, being unable to maintain focus especially on the boring bits, they end up sucking at whatever it is, which gets depressing.
As an example, I'll note that common characteristics of people with ADHD include hyperfocus [1] and higher creativity [2]. They are also more easily bored. Is this different? Yes. Is it bad? Certainly in the context of the standard educational experience. Do stimulants help? Sure, but they also help everybody cope with boring things. Almost every office in the world has a coffeepot. We have built a system that most people need stimulant drugs to function well. That some people need more or different ones than others to fit the system's needs is unsurprising. I'm just suspicious that the disease model fits it particularly well.
As an analogy, consider who can reach which cabinets. We just accept that there's a pretty wide normal variation in human height; some people can reach higher shelves than others. We also recognize that kids grow taller. If we started declaring kids below the median height had "Height Deficiency Disorder" and started giving them growth hormones because they couldn't reach the top shelves, that would be pretty sinister. Especially when that happened to the ones who were just younger in their grade, and therefore naturally shorter. Especially when it's possible to build cabinets differently, to provide assistive devices, and to help short kids learn how to deal.
So yes, we definitely don't want kids to fail. But I would like us to treat medication as a last resort, and to start being more accepting of neurodiversity.
[1] https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/hyperfocus-flow
[2] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-every...
Also, it's an analogy, and not meant to be taken literally. It's just meant to give people a feel for what unnecessary medicalization might be like.
Giving "pills" to a unruly school child might well help the teacher.
Whether it helps the child is much less clear.
People are right to be skeptical when the message is: "we don't understand the problem well enough o cure it, but take these pills and it will get you through one day at a time."
That doesn't mean it's wrong. But skepticism is warranted and inaction is a good default.
I was as sceptical of ADHD as most of the commenters here and have been resisting sending my son for an assessment for about a year because I guess what the diagnosis will be. However the more I've been looking into it and observing him, the more I'm coming to the conclusion that it seems to be something physical that he can't control. Just this evening we were in a restaurant and he was standing in his chair, climbing up a pole. etc... When he eventually knocked something over and I sternly reminded him to sit down, he started hitting himself on the head, apparently rueful that he's disappointed me again. It seems to be something he can't control and his repeated failures to do so seem to be affecting his self-esteem.
What would you recommend as the best interventions to explore? I would prefer something behavioural but am opening up to considering medication if the will make him feel better about himself and facilitate smoother interactions with his peers.
All that work doesn't even come close to the benefit I get from Vyvanse. I get effortless self control, and all that time back.
I figured out I had ADHD by observing my (very intelligent) daughter in kindergarten--she was the obvious behavioural outlier. All the other kids were mostly attending to the teacher, my daughter was attending to everything else. We didn't medicate her until Grade 4, when she started to think she was dumb. Meds changed everything for her, allowed her to develop a better self-concept (and winning the academic prize that year). She's off meds right now, struggling a bit, but a least she knows she's not dumb. That's huge.
Here's my thinking: stimulants are relatively safe. They aren't particularly addictive. Yes, they suck, there are tradeoffs. But if they don't work out, you can stop. You can stop whenever you want.
But once a kid has internalized "I'm dumb" or "I'm a loser" it is very hard to undo. That can stay with them for life.
I appreciate if you don't want to answer, but I've been diagnosed in my mid 30s (it came out of the blue, I was not seeking the diagnosis) and wonder what you mean by "managing your cognitive state"? I have so far not sought medication but wonder if I should do so.
I'm much better in the mornings, so I wake up early, 4 or 5AM, and I spend some time reading interesting technology stuff. Then I start casual reading on the task, not really trying to work on it, but just loading my brain. I set up my visual workspace (I have 3 monitors because visual context assists my shitty memory.) After an hour or two I reach a point where I can really focus and make great progress. I guess it's a way of getting into flow.
But a morning meeting that isn't directly relevant will wipe most of that prep away, and then I have to start again. So I avoid early meetings like the plague, unless it's purely an exercise in optics and I can ignore it completely and continue working.
When I'm medicated, it's way easier. I can direct my attention and it is resistant to distraction. My short-term memory doesn't keep reloading on every stimulus. I can get into flow in a reasonable amount of time throughout the day.
I'm off medication last few years, but plan to go back on in the next year. I love the cognitive benefits, but I have a couple of the rare side effects.
May I ask why you opted to take her off the meds after seeing such a huge benefit from them?
Her mom and I can see the difference on/off, it isn't subtle. We aren't pushing. I'm committed to her success, but meds are just one tool. I expect she'll go back on them at some point, once she's exhausted her youthful political correctness.
I began to suspect my son might have it when he was frustrated at learning to read—especially when he reported that distractions in the classroom (such as a new pencil sharpener) were making it difficult for him to focus. At home, I noticed that he was much more effective—and self-confident—when he did his reading in our basement den, away from his younger siblings and other distractions.
We took him to a prominent local child psychologist, who spent a few hours with us—first with me, going over my observations, his history, family, etc.; then with him alone. A few weeks later, we received a ~10-page report with his assessment, which included results from a battery of tests he had done with my son, concluding with a diagnosis of ADHD. Based on this, our pediatrician had us try a couple of different stimulants, and we've landed on Vyvanse as the best combination of convenience and efficacy. The difference has been staggering—not only with his progress at school, but most importantly, his self-confidence has risen remarkably.
I haven't read it, but the title of one ADHD book—"You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!"—has stuck with me. Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD, I often felt that I was simply inadequate, or not trying hard enough. Of course, personal responsibility still plays a role, but I now understand more what's going on.
Medication has markedly improved my life as well. But I think being diagnosed in early adulthood meant that I still had to deal with years of bad habits, self-esteem issues, perception by family and friends, transcripts filled with bad-to-mediocre grades...
Both my son and I present the inattentive side of ADHD more than the hyperactive side, but I suspect the results would be similar.
Getting my son's diagnosis started with his pediatrician, who recommended the child psychologist. I'd suggest starting there.
BTW, the reason I think my son was diagnosed earlier is due to the curriculum: it's simply more challenging at an early age than what I remember. I was able to coast on intelligence alone until I was a teenager, when I finally had schoolwork that required sustained concentration. My son was being asked to read books in first grade that I probably didn't read until second grade—and there wasn't nearly the systematic focus on it. My suspicion is that the increased diagnoses of ADHD is due in large part to this—it's always been prevalent, but has been less of a burden in the past (career options, too—so many ADHD-compatible jobs are getting automated away).
Other people have reported similar effects.
This isn't going to be a problem for your son for years, but something to keep in mind.
My understanding is that if you actually don't have ADHD, the medication isn't effective, so if it's helpful there's a strong signal there.
A proper analysis by a psychiatrist would be helpful (and you should share your doubts). But I think if you look at things beyond the "attention" and "hyperactivity" aspects . For example, saying things without thinking, lots of remorse for actions after the fact (showing proper judgement but lack of control), etc. Medical professionals are the best for this, but there's a lot of reading out there that you can check out.
This is very much a Your Mileage May Vary thing. I didn't have a nasty adjustment period at all and I was diagnosed in college.
I've heard this happen to other people too, and it's frustrating, but luckily it also comes with the feeling of clarity that was always missing, and fortunately people around me are supportive. No lasting damage, just "oh yeah I was a bit on edge then"
My dr prescribed Paxil, which did away with that problem.
I'm surprised by that impression as my understanding was that it was "generally accepted" that a combination of therapy and medication was more effective in treating ADHD than either alone.
If you have to chose one or the other, medication will be much more powerful, but the combo is the best. But trying to fight ADHD with just CBT is a massive uphill battle once described to me as "asking someone who needs glasses to see to train their way to better vision"
I would bet if he was getting his heart rate up for 3-5 hrs a day he would be way way calmer the rest of the time.
It seems to me that the real problem is that we have constructed a world that is fundamentally at odds with our biology and then when people cannot function within it, we diagnose them as having a disorder.
Getting the excess energy out definitely helps with feeling overly-energetic, but it doesn't fix many of the core issues that ADHD causes.
I don't know if you meant it this way, but this certainly sounds like you are implying that people with ADHD (or some portion of them) don't really have anything wrong with them, they just need to exercise or something. As someone who has lived with ADHD for their whole life, I find this attitude really offensive. I have a medical disorder, there's a chemical imbalance in my brain that has been diagnosed by doctors. I can't just walk it off.
It's not a case of the modern world being at odds with how we were evolved, I would be struggling in the ancient world too. Without my medication I have real trouble remembering things, making plans, and following directions. Moreover, if the modern world is so at odds with our biology, why does the overwhelming majority of the population have no problem functioning in it while I do? And I don't mean to come off as hostile here, but I find it insulting to be told by someone who presumably has no problem functioning in the modern world that my inability to function in it isn't really a problem.
I am no way trying to imply that ADHD is not real. I know it is real. But I am skeptical that every single kid diagnosed with it really would still have hyperactivity problems if they were running around and riding bikes for hours every day. If the kid still can't focus in school even with improvements to diet and more exercise, then yeah the kid probably really has ADHD and may need stimulants.
Even though I struggle with it, I don't think it's really a 'disorder' except insofar as it can interfere with one's ability to function in modern society.
It seems to me to be just a different way of thinking, one that is unfortunately much more suited to activities like hunting than it is to remembering to pay my parking tickets on time.
Its not that there isn't a problem, its that you are not the problem. The majority of the population manages to cope in various ways, you don't know how bad it is because everyone is hiding this coping away, as the modern world suggests they do so as not to be a burden.
Are you offended because you actually have tried working yourself to exhaustion and still were hyperactive?
:( I know what that feels like. I see that there are numerous helpful responses already. Here's a couple links:
1) How to ADHD (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-nPM1_kSZf91ZGkcgy_95Q/vid...)
2) Lecture by Dr. Barkley. Essential Ideas for Parents: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCAGc-rkIfo Type "Dr. Barkley ADHD" to see shorter snippets.
I'll admit that this was upsetting to read--your son is literally beating himself up over this. And I would guess his inner monologue is probably at least as equally unkind.
There's a lot to unpack from your comment to which I'd like to respond but given how long it's taken me to even sit down to write this, I will limit myself to urging you to read "Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood" by Edward M. Hallowell & John J. Ratey (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/108593.Driven_to_Distrac...).
One of the reasons why I recommend this book is that it is very focused (you may wish to excuse the pun) on establishing a correct diagnosis before moving onto possible therapeutic approaches. This includes a chapter on issues that are misdiagnosed as ADHD/ADD when the cause may be something else and another chapter on misdiagnosed issues which may actually be ADHD/ADD.
The book also addresses a wide range of other aspects related to ADHD/ADD which often aren't mentioned:
* Mood swings
* Difficulty communicating "serially"
* Acceptance of diagnosis
* Heightened sensitivity to criticism
* Parental guilt over existence or non-diagnosis
* Mourning over lost opportunities/time
* Impact on relationships with family, partners, friends & authorities
It also includes case studies of individuals, families & partners and how they have been impacted.
FWIW a common refrain from adults with ADHD/ADD is that frequently the biggest/longest-lasting damage that un-diagnosed ADHD/ADD has on an individual is the anxiety, depression & self-hatred that comes from not being able to do the "right thing" and not understanding why. Something exacerbated when others around them are all too quick to reinforce the message that it's because they're lazy, lack willpower, or, are just not trying hard enough.
On the other hand, unlike many other mental heath disorders, even just having a diagnosis can actually be helpful because it provides some answers to "why am I like this" and a new lens through which to view oneself & interactions with the world--and hopefully also leading to new ways to cope & progress.
Personally, I feel it's also worth contemplating why you (and others) were/are skeptical about the existence/reality of ADHD/ADD.
My observation is that a contributing factor to skepticism is that ADHD/ADD intersects with an almost perfect storm of societal/cultural fears, including:
* Fear of children being negatively affected by misguided/incorrect parental actions.
* Fear of the impact of "unnatural" medication.
* Fear of medication that can be misused by those not affected by the disorder (and lack of understanding on how the medications work for individuals with the disorder).
* Fear of misdiagnosis due to the "invisible" nature of the disorder.
* Fear of not applying discipline & boundaries in childhood negatively impacting the child's future
* Fear of enabling bad character traits such as "lack of willpower" & "laziness" by accepting an "excuse" for behavior rather than demanding more effort. (And other effects of a "puritanical" belief that the solution to every problem is to "work harder".)
* Fear of someone else gaining advantages/shirking responsibility through deception.
It's also worth noting that--like in relation to many medical issues but exacerbated by ADHD/ADD even triggering skepticism in the medical community itself--the response/assistance you & he will receive regarding an assessment will unfortunately be highly dependent on the individual medical practitioner.
I'm just a stranger on the internet but for the sake of your son please strongly consider at least reading the book I suggested and preferably seek an assessment from a medical professional with experience in such disorders.
Oh, also, you don't mention how old he is but perhaps when a similar restaurant situation happens again (or even now) you could listen to his answers to some gentle questions from you about what he thinks just happened and why it happened. It might give you some insight into his experience of the situation/existence.
Additionally, I do think it's important to acknowledge issues like this aren't easy for child or parent, so I consider it positive that you shared your situation & asked for recommendations.
Thanks for taking the time to read and consider my suggestions.
That book looks exactly like what I am looking for. I will definitely look for it.
With regards to my scepticism, I think you captured a lot of it in your examples. I guess i am afraid of people taking the lazy approach of labelling and medicating anyone who doesn't fit into the system rather than questioning the legitimacy of the system in the first place.
My son only recently turned 6 and I also believed that with enough outside and physical play perhaps he would be better able to regulate his behaviour the rest of the time. However he goes to a very progressive school with no desks and all enquiry based learning through play yet he still struggles more than the others with self-regulation.
As I said I'm coming round to a diagnosis possibly being appropriate as I learn more about the condition. He will go for a full neurological and developmental assessment in the next month or two. I want to be informed enough by then to interrogate the results to ensure he receives treatment that is situated appropriate. Another commenter mentioned that the efficacy of stimulants is a strong signal in itself so that's something I want to keep in mind should we get to that point.
Thank you to all the thoughtful comments, much appreciated!
"Brain Radio" is ADHD normal
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in 1st Grade. I was having a hard time learning to read, just moved to a new school, and was supposed to go into 2nd, but was held back because of my reading level. Once I was medicated I improved so much, I went from hating school to actually wanting to go and spend time with my friends. It also helped me to stay in control, it brought me down to a normal level.
It's really interesting that you used the story of him knocking something over. I can think of many times I have knocked something over or touched something and broke it. I remember when I smack myself or just break down. I did this when I was younger and yeah it's a feeling that will be hard for him to control. I felt like an idiot and that I ruined everything when it happened. Just build him up and let him know it is okay!
It's hard to make a recommendation but going to a neurologist and also seeing a therapist have been huge. That helped with the medication and diagnostic.
What has helped with everything is exercising and eating clean. There was an article posted recently that showed children's test scored improved by 10% (not positive on the 10 but it was enough) when they did cardio before tests. I know and feel totally different when I have exercised. It's hard to tell a child that they need to run or do some form of exercise, but getting them out and running around with them will do so much. Also not eating food with food coloring or sugar will be so helpful as well. It's simple but it is super key.
TL;DR: Go see a neurologist/Therapist. You don't need to medicate, and it's not the only solution, but it has helped me. Read as much as you can on ADHD. Exercise. (Scooters are hot right now)
Let me give some background first...
I grew up like most kids, going to school, but also perhaps unusually for the time (20-30 years ago), spent nearly all my free time playing in the fields and woods and riding bikes with my small group of friends. Honestly, it was the highpoint of my life so far.
From about age 6, I was obsessed with "living in the wild" and survival skills. I read books about it, and taught myself skills such as plant identification and friction fire-lighting. I did exceptionally well at school, mostly through natural ability, but also a fear of getting told off, which meant I always did as I was told. It turns out that if you are naturally intelligent and stick to the task, you do well. Who knew?
By about about 13, I began losing focus. At first I still did well, but in the end, I left school with a mixture of As and Bs. It was made clear to me that for someone of my calibre, this should be regarded as a failure.
Looking back, knowing what I now know about mental health, it was clear to me that going to secondary school had been emotionally devastating for me -- I was overwhelmed by the pettiness and the bullying -- and was increasingly depressed as time went on. On reflection, the tone of pettiness and bullying was actually set by the teachers, and in fact, the school system itself.
Skipping forward, I became an arborist (tree-surgeon) when I was 20. Even as a previously active person, I discovered a depth of "animality" that was unknown to me. I became profoundly tuned to my strength and power. It was liberating. All this time, I found it difficult to socialise, as I found other people so boring, not because of who they were, but because of what they did, or rather, didn't do. Once everyone got to age 16, they took up drinking, which is just an elaborate form of spending your time sitting down, which I found intolerable. When they weren't drinking, they would maybe go to the cinema, or drive around in their cars, all activities a million miles away from my outdoor interests.
It wasn't until I was 27 years old and suffered a knee injury, that I learned how to be comfortable sitting down. I didn't really like it, but I got used to it. Since then, I have spent plenty of time sitting down, the internet has taken over all our lives, and I have developed chronic sleep problems. I've never felt worse. I never did go and live off the land; it turns out the UK isn't really set up for that kind of thing.
So that's my experience of life. I don't know what yours is. It's probably quite different. From my perspective, I have zero difficulty understanding where children are coming from. Think about it. You're born an unknowing blob, unable to even focus you're eyes on things, but you're growing, and have many built-in urges. As you learn, naturally, to walk, you begin to explore and learn about the world. In the first years (and in fact, you're whole life) your outlook on the world just keeps getting bigger. You need adults to watch your back, but you want to get out there on your own too. How? Walking, running, climbing, engaging those animal instincts that I found so intoxicating in my twenties after years of education.
But then you reach an age (5) where your world starts to get smaller; you're sent to school by people who you thought cared for you and a stranger makes you do things that you don't want to do. A year later, things change and a different stranger bosses you around. This pattern repeats every year. If you ask mum or dad why you're doing this, it's said that it's for your own good.
Maybe the early years aren't so bad, but for my own part, even as as kid with no formal training in exercise physiology, as I got older, I had a visceral sense that I wasn't getting enough exercise, and would strenuously devote all my free time after doing homework to being outside, even in the dark winter nights. I was lucky, as I had friends who would do the same, but still, it was boring at times.
Restaurants are designed for adults, with refined sensibilities in cuisine and conversation. These sensibilities are usually lacking in children who just want to eat and get back to playing.
Your son was hitting himself over the head. Sure, why not? After all "[you] sternly reminded him to sit down, [leaving him] apparently rueful that he's disappointed [you] again". I don't know you, so won't judge your parenting, but you might want to judge yourself, by noting how many times a day you sternly remind him of things. If it's frequent, then what's in it for him? It's one thing to be corrected now and again, but if every day is one correction after another, then what does he have to look forward to? Clearly not family time at the restaurant. You might be surprised just how upset this all makes him. If people are upset and feel they have no control, then they tend to act erratically and "uncontrollably".
There is debate in the other comments about whether ADHD is over-diagnosed and people "just need more exercise". Your kid hasn't even been assessed, let alone diagnosed, so while other people in the thread may be talking about ADHD, we are not. We are talking about your perception of your child's behaviour. Hopefully, I may have given you a different perception.
FWIW, in the DSM-5, that was changed to age 12.
As every five year old is likely displaying symptoms of ADHD, that is going to lead to a lot of false positives which seems to be the issue that most concerns people.
I remember when I was a kid, we had to learn to be quiet when my dad was home. Making too much noise would inevitably lead to escalating admonitions from my father to be quiet.
At a relative's house about a week before Thanksgiving, having McDonalds at the table, the children were actively busily engaged with noisy tablet games and videos at the table. Definitely not something that would be allowed at my house.
> (all of which happened multiple times in my own classroom)
are you a scientist or a school teacher?
When a user contributes an informative comment in his or her field of expertise, the last thing we need is other users showing up to disincentivize them from ever doing that again.
>A laboratory school or demonstration school is an elementary or secondary school operated in association with a university, college, or other teacher education institution and used for the training of future teachers, educational experimentation, educational research, and professional development....Some lab schools are only for preschool or kindergarten children, some are preschool through fifth or sixth grade, and some continue through high school...Laboratory school classrooms may be observed by university professors to assess the student-teacher, but it is desired that the observation be done without the students or student-teachers aware of the observation, thereby avoiding creating a distraction or disruption of classroom activities.
For someone with ADHD/ADD some combination of therapy, diagnosis & medication may enable them to learn how to manage their interactions with the world better (or "control themselves", if you prefer).
In most cases medication isn't a "magic pill" that fixes everything but it may bring a person to a place where they are able to effectively use the same self-management/organizational techniques used by people who do not have ADHD/ADD.
You're probably going to have a Bad Time if you try to run a marathon with a broken leg--regardless of how much self-control one has.
On the neurological level, there are different dopaminergic systems developing throughout childhood, such as the motor cortex, the prefrontal cortex, and the dopamine-based reward system. If the motor cortex develops too quickly before the PFC, which controls/regulates behavior, well you'll have hyperactivity that's unregulated. With less developed EF's comes getting out of the chair, losing things, daydreaming, hyperactivity, and all of the diagnosable symptoms of ADHD. Naturally, those who are 6-9 months younger (which might be a 10% age difference in kindergarten) are going to be in very different developmental stages. Requiring younger children to sit still and pay attention may be a much more challenging task since their brains are actually less developed. Thus, they more easily get pushed over the diagnosis line compared to their older classmates.
There is another wrinkle here beyond age, which is gender: boys are around 2.5-3X as likely to be diagnosed because they are more hyperactive naturally, i.e. their neurological systems develop at different rates than girls. This sort of behavior in the classroom is much more disruptive than what girls exhibit. Girls tend to be diagnosed with primarily inattentive subtype, since their motor cortex is not usually as over-active, but they still may suffer underdevelopment of the EF that helps them to focus. A girl daydreaming is much less disruptive than a boy standing on his chair, rolling on the floor, or wandering the classroom (all of which happened multiple times in my own classroom).