> I calculated that, on average, I was spending 22 hours or more each week on social activities.
This is the premise the article builds upon, and IMO it's already a bit too much. I've done both: go out every night and don't go out for a noticeable enough period. Both are bad, both are draining. Even if going out means stepping outside your comfort zone, you should do it.
> 5 - You'll save a ton of money on drinks, restaurants, and travel.
Not all of these are equivalent in value and not all are that expensive. The expenses are usually negligible compared to other stuff mortgages, leases etc (depending on tastes, but usually holds for tech people).
Who said that just because you don't have a social life you must be miserable or depressed?
There are plenty of people who are ok with or even enjoy being alone, and really don't like to socialize much if at all.
Well it depends on how one defines social life. But historically a lone human is a dead human. Depression does have an evolutionary advantage in that you are less likely to approach potentially violent strangers. The lowered energy levels make you sleep longer and reduces your visibility. The misery is probably just a motivating force so that you seek out your tribe.
Happy loners tend to have few friends/colleagues/family they talk with. That is not nearly the same as no social life at all.
As a loner, I will say that.
Worked out perfectly for a while but crushed me eventually.
Not a path I want to go through ever again.
Some people might be cut out to be hermits, I am not.
22 hours of social activity a week sounds absolutely insane. I think the last time I was anywhere close to that was in the dorms in college, where "social activity" was as simple as "pop next door for a bit".
I wonder how "social activity" is defined in this context. For example, I regularly spend my evenings in the local hackerspace. My primary goal is to write some code or configure something on my servers, or just to read some HN or play Minecraft. That's all stuff that I could do at home, but the hackerspace gives the chance of having the occasional chat when someone brings up an interesting topic (and the possibility of an expert sitting next to me when I run into some weird problem).
Do the hours spent at the space count as social interaction, or only those few minutes when I have a chat?
I wonder if that's half the problem, we make socialising so expensive in terms of organising, travel and scheduling that it becomes a drain. Popping next door doesn't have much cost.
How does having social life prevents you from doing what you want and when you want?
Let's say you want to go to see one movie, but all your friends want to see a different one. Or maybe you don't feel like seeing a movie at all, but your friends are going.
Or there's a party on Friday, but you don't feel like going out. Or maybe you just want to stay home and read a book.
There are countless other situations where you might want to do one thing, but social obligations, situations or friends are pulling you to do something else.
You're simply being forced to choose between two things you want, because you can't do both. That happens even when you're alone -- or at least, I haven't figured out the correct method of writing in my (paper) journal and taking a shower at the same time. Or taking bong hits while swimming. Or napping while playing video games. Or....
This doesn't sound like you're being prevented from doing what you want, when you want -- you just can't do two things you want at the same time. But this isn't unique to socializing.
(It also sounds like failing to take responsibility for your choices so you don't have to deal with being forced to choose between them and can blame Them for forcing the decision.)
"Tonight's an at-home night for me. You guys have fun."
Going to weddings for people I don’t know and office parties where I don’t work come to mind.
I also feel like a fish out of water at parties, and very rarely enjoy them. Usually they're just depressing and leave me wondering why I'm spending time with these people.
People you are excited to share with, see and spend time with.
Good groups of people are hard to find, but make a big difference.
Anyone who made it through the childhood and has no plan to die soon succeeded at life. You probably mistaking it with reproduction, which is often required as ability, not as demand.
It is also pretty rough to label fertile ones as losers.
"failure" and "success" are notions relative to goal achievement, and biology doesn't have goals - it's a mechanistic process.
Of course biology has goals. Every living organism's goal is to propagate its genes to the next generation. For details on this, read The Selfish Gene.
Sounds like a greater success...
2 - You can do what you want, when you want.
3 - You don't have to worry about pleasing people, or not offending them.
4 - You don't have to attend any boring social functions.
5 - You'll save a ton of money on drinks, restaurants, and travel.
6 - You could learn a lot more, if that's what you choose to do with all your extra free time.
There are downsides too, of course, but this thread is about the upsides.