Your colleagues joke that someone is coming to rape you, and you're supposed to laugh? I'm not a woman, but I can imagine a woman being really hurt by such a joke. Given the fact that 1 out of 6 women in this country are victims of sexual assault[1], I think it's a joke in poor taste, and does not belong in a workforce.
On a Tuesday morning in July, when men on her team began to
joke that an office intruder was coming to rape everybody,
Danielle decided to speak out about what she described as the
"very toxic atmosphere" created by jokes about violent sexual
assault.
I'm not laughing, but again I'm really not shocked and would not expect a response to this incident beyond the apology already offered.
So we have to treat women differently than men? Sounds a bit sexist.
If you don't care about being respectful, don't bother finding out.
There may be consequences if you don't, there may not be. Me, I want to be respectful, so I start with a safe neutral ground and go on from there.
I fear that the swing in PC culture is going to cause more harm than good for "inclusiveness" now that the pendulum has swung too far.
Most people have a thick enough skin to get over it, so the people around them don’t all have to adjust to their feelings.
Sure, people do have thick skins mostly, but you shouldn't rely on that. Again, it's just about being respectful of people.
So, be accommodating in a way that means people are treated differently, but just don't call it treating them different?
10-4 loud and clear, good buddy.
Perhaps, but it's not something that is obviously unacceptable. I would put it on the same level as making a joke about an intruder coming to bomb/shoot everyone. Certainly it's in poor taste, but that's the level of humour you find everywhere.
Thing is, it's not found everywhere, there are very respectful workplace environments. If people do cross the line it is called out and dealt with and quite quickly things converge on what is acceptable and what's not.
In most workplaces (in my experience) people talk openly about sex and relationships, which would probably violate even these "flimsy" policies.
Sex is natural, and it's natural for people to want to talk about it. The important thing is whether you are deliberately harassing someone, whether you should reasonably know that your behaviour is abusive, and whether you stop doing it when you're told that it upsets someone. I've always worked in places where the majority of people are quite reasonable, but I realise not all workplaces are like that.
Describing another incident, she wrote, "I was walking back to my cube from the break room and passed a group of managers exiting a meeting. The Area Manager told me to smile as I walked past." "While this is a small thing, it was notable as this is one of the most commonly reported forms of subtle sexism."
No matter how hard I try, I can't fathom how that could possibly be construed as sexist.
Perhaps not.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-mak...
Tone of voice and mannerisms tell a much fuller story, though.
It's equally possible that it was intended as a shorthand for "cheer up, it's not that bad" or "try to keep your chin up". Both of which actually indicate that the speaker cares about their colleague.
Sure, I can see contexts where it would be inappropriate to say but that doesn't make it always inappropriate to say.
I just don't think you can automatically assume ill intent. As someone with depression I've been frequently told to "smile" or "lighten up" and while it's certainly annoying (and occasionally infuriating), I know that the underlying intent was probably positive.
Given an ambiguous statement, people can (and should) judge the statement based on context, and that includes perceived intent of the speaker. Human communication is much more than just words. Context and intent absolutely matter.
IMHO, everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt when dealing with such serious allegations. Or, as they say innocent until proven guilty. I wouldn't want to work in a place, or live in a society that believes otherwise. There simply needs to be a higher burden of proof than "it's sexist because I felt it was sexist".
Can it be considered sexist to say what was said? Sure. Should it be considered sexist by default? I don't think that's been proven.
Edit: I don't just say "Smile", usually there is more context to the conversation and usually ends with me trying to see if I can help fix the problem(if it's work related).
Where I'm from it's commonly meant as shorthand for "cheer up, it's not that bad" or "try to keep your chin up". Both of which actually indicate that the speaker cares about their colleague.
Said the guy who further up the thread said he "can't fathom how that could possibly be construed as sexist."
What I meant to say was that in this context I can't see how it would be construed as sexist. Or put another way... I can't see how this statement automatically defaults to being sexist absent any other indicators.
At any rate, this kind of proves my point that it's very easy for communication to come across in a manner other than the speaker intended. So serious charges like "sexist" or "racist" should not be levelled lightly.
If there is no bad intent, why should you? The answer is that a snowflake could get you fired but the rhetorical question stands.
I suspect these women are being hit on a lot less frequently than they think.
Men will get the "man up", "grow a pair", "relax", "you'll get over it", "are you gonna pussy out on me?" etc.
It's a hard problem --and unless you go for rigidity in the workplace, we're always going to have regular human issues (not company issues) permeate the workplace --be it office romance, cajoling, hijinks, etc.
sexism - noun - (2) behavior, conditions, or attitudes that foster
stereotypes of social roles based on sex
Yup. Back when I was dealing with depression, I heard it all the time.
"Smile" and "Cheer up" are still two of the most rage-inducing things anyone can say to me. It's just one of those things about appearance I have to roll with. I also don't get to show up barefoot, with no t-shirt and just wearing boardshorts. So I play along and part of that is acting much happier and more amenable than I really am.
The main difference is that I don't have people constantly telling me this is caused by an oppressive societal structure pushing me to conform. (I mean, it is, but it's not treated as one. I'm certainly not constantly told I need to be to rejecting. By media that makes me weaker to it, and teaches me to suffer even harder when effected by those social structures.)
I'm not dealing with clinical depression but I can see what you mean. If I'm upset enough about something that it is visible, the last thing I want is someone telling me to "cheer up."
I guess I'm fortunate never to have worked with the kind of people (commissioned sales people? politicians? child molesters? I mean, I can't even imagine) who would notice I'm upset and tell me to "smile."
It's not only some demanding command to modify your mood, it can be a good natured suggestion to try and keep your chin up. The person who said it to me most was my mother.
Wow. If you're curious as to why some view it as a condescending thing to say to a colleague you really could start there.
edit: I'm surprised by your reply... only because it seems incongruous with the statement I replied to. interesting.
Just because people were well-intentioned didn't make it any less infuriating. I've gotten it in the "cheer up" sense and the "be more presentable" sense and the "comply with norms" sense. Not a huge difference in how it feels, non family ones are a bit easier though.
No matter how ill advised or inappropriate you find it, I don't think you should assume intent.
At least, where I'm from this is true. Maybe it's a societal norm that varies by culture and region.
"Would you ever say that to a male colleague? Would anyone?"
Out of context I'd imagine your question was about something that is actually serious or significant. Unbelievable.
Not saying it's tactful but I'm not a psychologist
This is a very difficult job which can be extremely stressful for a long duration of time. As a society we tend to laud grueling hard work rather than recognize that it's probably the worst aspect of the work environment by far.
As far as TFA goes... it appears to be reporting on "leaked" emails telling a one-sided narrative with no attempt to validate the claims. Not to diminish the claims being made, but I think this is technically called "storytelling".
Taking it a face value though, it seems tame in comparison to other 'scandals'. I simply do not expect that people will constantly remain professional. They will need to blow off steam, and sometimes the way they do that will not be fully inclusive, or necessarily politically correct. Yes, sometimes men actually complain about their wives at work -- this is not shocking to me. I don't like that employee complaints seem to be poorly handled; all employees should be valued and listened to at least.
None of what I read in TFA I really understand to be a hostile work environment, as the term is defined. Is "toxic" supposed to be a new term to describe feeling uncomfortable or not getting the promotion you wanted? Apple's work environment is certainly extreme, but I think for reasons very much apart from gender.