Yup. Back when I was dealing with depression, I heard it all the time.

"Smile" and "Cheer up" are still two of the most rage-inducing things anyone can say to me. It's just one of those things about appearance I have to roll with. I also don't get to show up barefoot, with no t-shirt and just wearing boardshorts. So I play along and part of that is acting much happier and more amenable than I really am.

The main difference is that I don't have people constantly telling me this is caused by an oppressive societal structure pushing me to conform. (I mean, it is, but it's not treated as one. I'm certainly not constantly told I need to be to rejecting. By media that makes me weaker to it, and teaches me to suffer even harder when effected by those social structures.)

I'm not dealing with clinical depression but I can see what you mean. If I'm upset enough about something that it is visible, the last thing I want is someone telling me to "cheer up."

I guess I'm fortunate never to have worked with the kind of people (commissioned sales people? politicians? child molesters? I mean, I can't even imagine) who would notice I'm upset and tell me to "smile."

It's not only some demanding command to modify your mood, it can be a good natured suggestion to try and keep your chin up. The person who said it to me most was my mother.

Wow. If you're curious as to why some view it as a condescending thing to say to a colleague you really could start there.

edit: I'm surprised by your reply... only because it seems incongruous with the statement I replied to. interesting.

Just because people were well-intentioned didn't make it any less infuriating. I've gotten it in the "cheer up" sense and the "be more presentable" sense and the "comply with norms" sense. Not a huge difference in how it feels, non family ones are a bit easier though.

No matter how ill advised or inappropriate you find it, I don't think you should assume intent.

At least, where I'm from this is true. Maybe it's a societal norm that varies by culture and region.

"Would you ever say that to a male colleague? Would anyone?"

Out of context I'd imagine your question was about something that is actually serious or significant. Unbelievable.

Not saying it's tactful but I'm not a psychologist