I am not like you, from a long lost generation before the twisted pair gave way. summers from age 8 and beyond were days of unfettered freedom. I feel very fortunate
> I still regularly just go all damn day without picking up my phone, leave the house without it, and all that and just can’t imagine having to answer to anyone.
It’s impossible to say for sure, it I think I’d tell some to get concerned at a certain time if I hadn’t checked in. I still wouldn’t want people reaching out to me for every unscripted move I made.
Take a survey of women and let us know the results. I think you are profoundly underestimating the safety net phones are seen as by women, but would be fascinated to be proven wrong. Could segregate by age and location - but even elderly rural women raised 90% of their life without phones routinely cary them these days for medical assistance.
Let me try a metaphor. You get a job offer. It's good money. You need to move to a town which is REALLY REALLY into American football. Dedicated to it 100% and there's no rules against steroid use. 50% of the town are steroid using players. You will be providing them IT support. The steroids they use make all the players twice your size and strength, a little more violent and less predictable than you, and coincidentally all sexually attracted to men.
You will be living there for one year on this contract. What changes might you expect to see in your own behavior over the year you are employed there?
I’m more aware of my surroundings, and the environments I enter especially when alone. I didn’t let it become a fear of the world and let it turn me into a hermit or have a significant impact on my life. I think we should call bs on some people’s fears. So if that’s insensitive, I’m perfectly ok with it. People are too damn sensitive/anxious and there’s a massive mental health crisis it contributes to.
Simply, you are not other people. You don't know how they feel. You don't exist with their brain. You haven't experienced their lives. You don't have the same situation or opportunities. Therefore, you have no basis to make such judgements without incredible amounts of skepticism, especially if you can't or won't attempt empathetic understanding towards others. That disregards these basic facts.
Given this is HN, follow the logical route. Look at the science and statistics. The science shows that our brains can fundamentally change with both development (chronic) and single-event (acute) trauma. There's no way on earth this will be experienced the same for everybody, yet vast numbers of people end up experience similar symptoms, as shown in the statistics.
Your personal experience with crime, which you say changed how you approach the world to be more paranoid/anxious yourself, has been spun into positive "traits" of rational self-protection. Yet you immediately scorn others similar reactions by describing their response as a personal/societal (unclear) mental health crisis.
I'd argue a deeper mental health issue is such a lack of self-awareness or humility, instead being proud in having a purposeful disconnection from what we all share as human beings. Rather than recognizing people are all simply coping in individual ways, you must diagnose issues with others as a "them" problem because "me" feels fine so obviously "me" must have all the answers?
I'm not particularly attractive, but have been physically grabbed and held by a strange man in broad daylight while walking - he wanted money, I didn't have any. Been followed and yelled at while walking from my car to the fast food place with a coworker while wearing our military uniform. Got a car turn around and file me while running at 4 am. Got yelled at by a van full of guys while running in a snowstorm at 5 am. Got my ass grabbed by a MUCH larger guy in a closed space at work - he was an engineer repairing comms gear I was responsible for.
I feel like I have lived a relatively safe life and am not particularly upset by most of this stuff, it's just random background noise. I don't go out drinking, I won't hang around drinking places, I don't have anything to do with drugs, I don't hang out with losers. I'm not small or particularly feminine in appearance. It doesn't matter.
Every woman you know has a few of these random things happen. Every single one. The "level of violence" used on us isn't the same as is used on men by men because why bother with a knife when you don't need it? What guy needs anything but his fists to hurt a woman?
The reality is that the gender disparity on fear of violence exists despite women being significantly less likely to be violently victimized. Women are just more risk adverse in general.
[1] https://bjs.ojp.gov/document/cv23.pdf
[2] https://webarchive.library.unt.edu/eot2008/20080923133123/ht...
My immediate thought was "ok so you're a young white male in a safe location running short distances in good weather during daylight hours only". Because any variation from that set means more gear.
Lazy in the sense that we only think of bare essentials for most things, especially something like jogging. We don’t want to create more work for ourselves by dirtying more clothes than necessary, accessorizing, etc. We also generally just care a lot less about fashion and how people perceive us. Probably because we hardly even get noticed compared to women. It’s not like people are gawking if we wear the wrong bra. Women are more self conscious and care more in general about how they’re perceived.
The apartment comes with bare walls. Inertia is bare walls.
My wife likes putting everything on display. Like if there’s any surface, her urge is to cover it with what I call knickknacks, trinkets, and probably a dozen pictures. For me, it’s all clutter. Collects dust, creating a chore. If there’s an open wall she wants to hang stuff on it. She likes a wall of 100 small pictures, I’d prefer 1 large framed art. To me her way makes me feel things are chaotic. My way makes her feel it’s clinical and uninviting. We’ve found a balance that works for both of us. But I think if I were to psychoanalyze it, it’s rooted in the same thing that makes women’s brains always running/worrying and not understanding what men mean when they say “nothing” when asked “what are you thinking about?”
It's hard to generalize, and I myself am probably atypical here, but I suspect that most young men have their own 'little homely touches'. They might be less likely to run out and buy curtains or hang up pictures but I've seen things like random sports stuff (team merch or equipment that hasn't seen use in ages), old bear cans, action figures, books, guns, guitars, and the occasional dead animal displayed (or at least constantly left out and in view).
I think in contrast (most) young women's homes have more social signalling in them, homely touches, which has its own benefit equal to or most likely greater than minimalism.
I can say myself that I've always been minimalistic. My flat was bare bones because I treat the place mostly as a place to eat and sleep between spending most of my time outdoors or away from home. As soon as my girlfriend moved in a few years back the flat went from everything white and minimalistic to being colourful. I'm glad there is more colour to the place and that somebody with an eye for it has taken charge of it, but I know if I went back to being single again tommorow I'd go back to not having much around the place.
One thing that's been wonderful to see has been men online sharing their living spaces and being told to get a plant and make their spaces homey. Guys should be encouraged to care for themselves and be happy and comfortable in their homes, regardless of the presence of women. It's really nice to see men actually taking care of themselves instead of living in sad helpless little minimalist hovels.
Know how often something bad happened? Never.
I find it a very strange assumption, especially given the fact that men are much more likely to become victims of aggression.
(This also doesn't mean that such concerns are irrational, just that the risks are not so high that you should expect every woman going out for a run in the dark is eventually going to be assaulted)
> is actually fairly low in the risks for almost anyone: the vast majority of assaults, especially sexual assaults, are perpetrated by someone the victim knows.
Once your eyes adapt the full moon is easily bright enough to illuminate the ground.
It's not like I've never suffered for it, for whatever that's worth. I turned an ankle at about the worst imaginable place a few years back and had to limp home nearly ten miles, which took half the day. Definitely having a phone with me would have made that more convenient, but I lived, it's still only half a day, and I've now got an amusing story to tell alongside all the times I've had to shit on the sidewalk in front of a building in downtown Dallas because the world refuses to have usable toilets anywhere outside of daytime business hours. I've broken my hand once on a run, but you don't need a hand to keep running.
I've also had a phone and it didn't help. I faceplanted hill bombing on a longboard a few years back and it turns out no rideshare driver will let you into their car when you're covered in blood, so I had to take my swollen shut eye, hanging limp separated arm, and go back home on the board and drive myself to the ER in my own car.
I feel like this kind of goes back to the entire point of the article. Like the guy who started this thread, I was a child of the 80s with a teen mom who put basically no restrictions on me and let me do anything, so I was walking around the neighborhood at 1 AM in 1st grade, riding my bike every weekend to the LA County public library 15 miles away when I was 8, going to skid row to hand out cash to homeless people when I got a car at 16. I capsized a canoe in the middle of Lake Arrowhead my freshman year of high school and had to swim back to shore dragging a boat behind me, which took over an hour. I got assaulted by a crazy dude living under a table on a pedestrian bridge skateboarding past him early in the morning, and I won the fight but he burned the hell out of my eye throwing hot sauce at me of all things. I've had my house flood. I've had my car smashed by a city dump truck while it was parked. I've had 9 orthopedic surgeries since turning 35 and my lumbar spine is now one solid bone held in place by screws and rods. I've been divorced twice. I've survived combat. I'm not afraid of bad things happening to me because they already happened and I ended up fine. This also gets at the other point already raised that, though women certainly seem to feel more threatened by the world, men are more likely to experience violence, injury, and early death because men take more risks.
I will, of course, meet a fate I can't overcome at some point. I'm going to die and there will likely be at least one thing I could have done differently that might have put that off by anywhere from a few minutes to a few decades. Maybe at the minute of death I'll even regret that. But I doubt it. I've been extremely close a few times and I was at peace with the idea. It has to happen eventually. I've still enjoyed most of the time I've had and intend to continue doing that. I've seen the lives of the extremely scared and it doesn't seem like they're doing any better than me.
> I'm really curious why these traits specifically. I suppose I get why women feel threatened just existing outside of locked doors and walls, but you rattled off a very long list of otherwise not true things. I'm not young, not white, run through poor neighborhoods with high crime, usually extremely early hours before the sun is up, sometimes in the rain. I still almost always only have shorts, socks, and shoes. A shirt half the year.
They paradoxically feel like very "tolerant" people because they disagree with so much, so the few things about the world and others they don't accept feels like a lot of work to sit with without constant judgement or disapproval, and often this leads to subtle manipulation if they don't feel comfortable enough. Even then, a lot of what they actually say they "accept" is just self-serving, e.g. authority figures, attempted relationships, status quo, etc.
In another paradox, the world becomes more confusing and complicated for them because eventually nothing truly makes sense, if we confidently try to live an oversimplified version of the actually complex and messy universe we are faced with. There's a feedback loop here that amplifies the situation to the point of disconnecting from reality.
in a safe location Fairly obvious. Phones at a minimum. Pepper spray too sometimes. Safe varies by gender. I ran through a heavily monitored area (data centers and government offices at 5 am) near a police station and still had a car turn and slow to follow me for a bit until I found a lit shopping are with people.
Running short distances Longer distances need water, electrolytes, and a phone. A bit of moleskin for blisters and a pack of tissues is also useful. If you're regularly doing 2-3 hours running without water, I would maybe worry about your kidneys.
in good weather A little rain isn't bad weather. If you are half naked running in the snow, I am going to assume you are on drugs. "Good weather" is also relative to running. If you are running in high humidity or heat, you need a hat, a shirt or sunblock, water, electrolytes.
During daylight hours only
You know folks running in the dark without a headlamp or reflective vest?
Then again, I've also got a niece who has expressed that her phone is a constant source of anxiety. She feels like she has to immediately respond to every text and social media post from her friends no matter what or there will be consequences which could range from causing others worry to losing social status and being potentially excluded as punishment. It sounds like a nightmare.
https://reason.com/2026/01/16/she-let-her-6-year-old-ride-to...
The good news is that many states has passed laws specifically to make this type of parenting legal.
"Georgia, Florida, and Missouri join eight other states that have adopted Reasonable Childhood Independence' laws.
...
"These bills establish clear exceptions to the statutory definitions of neglect and abuse in state laws, ensuring that parents cannot be penalized for allowing their children to engage in regular activities such as walking to the store, playing outdoors, or staying home alone under reasonable circumstances. State laws will still prohibit clearly harmful neglect or endangerment. However, these “reasonable childhood independence” bills reassure parents that they will not face a significant run-in with law enforcement for permitting their child to pursue healthy, independent activities." [1]
So, it seems there is growing and effective opposition to such a trend.
[1] https://reason.org/commentary/new-georgia-florida-and-missou...