Being able to master new skills is also a display of emotional control.

I think pretty much anybody can master the knowledge within a chemistry textbook, but few people have the skill to self study a chemistry textbook, part of which required emotional control.

Of course it's hard to measure such nebulous skills, but we've all come across it in our day-to-day. We've all met that guy who seems to know exactly what to say in every situation.

I do improvisational comedy. It involved some levels of emotional understanding and storytelling, but I am unsure how to translate it to real life. When you're doing improv, your scene partner is very interested in keeping a conversation going.

Absolutely, I found this a lot at university. For a lot of kids, especially ones at top unis, this is the first time they've ever done anything actually hard.

I mentioned this the other day. Before uni, I knew all the math and physics I'd ever come across. Like, everything. I twiddled my thumbs at the end of the IB exams. When I got to uni, there were entire question sheets that I didn't understand. As in "what does that lecture I went to have to do with these questions?"

It takes some emotional growth to deal with that situation, and the answer isn't external, in the sense of "hey you gotta ask the prof the right questions" or "the answer is in a particular book". The answer is that you have to really really concentrate hard and stick to it, even when it feels like you're not getting anywhere. (Examiners hate this one trick!)

Steve Jobs wasn't exactly known for being in control of his emotions. Musk, Gates, Ellison and Kalanick also have a reputation for exploding in rage from time to time.

When you look at history's greatest scientists or mathematicians you see a pretty similar picture. Newton? Erdos? Grothendieck? Diogenes? They weren't emotionally stable 9 to 5 guys. Quite the opposite.

People who reach great heights are rarely balanced people. "Everything in moderation" doesn't produce greatness. If history tells us anything it's that we are incredibly forgiving of the flaws of highly accomplished people.

Looks more like lucky circumstances exploiting a lack of education and other vices.

I think that the only emotion you have to regulate in this mode is self-cringe, which ignorance helps to mask very naturally.

I think the text was meant to be read "If nothing else, and before anything else, be a good person to be around". Because that will open so many doors for you.

If no, I don’t understand this position then. Having social skills doesn’t magically create learning skills (unless we postulate that learning is social) or real world skills, I mean real world that doesn’t hear you out when you command.

At the very least it should be put together with reality changing skills, not first. Because in the first place it creates talking heads which only change perception temporarily (aka lying).

The basics of emotional control are things like not immediately interjecting when you disagree with someone in a conversation. But also, having some limits to procrastination, eg when you are studying. Or a bit of resilience when life treats you harshly.

Social navigation is understanding other people. Why is this person who arrived at the party alone looking down at the floor? What is a compliment that this person will appreciate? What do people here think, and where does it differ from what I think?

A friend of mine is insanely good at the social part, it's almost like magic. He saw a guy looking at him in a bar, goes over, says "hey man, you're a secret service agent, right?". He wasn't wrong, and he's friends with the guy now.

Now, back to persuasion. People who are actually good socially don't get caught bullshitting. The best people will acknowledge their faults. "I was thinking we could all do {this project}, but I'm not the techie here and you guys might have some input". People appreciate that over "trust me, we can totally do this guys, one team one dream".

It's actually the people who aren't good socially who seem to make progress initially, because at least they aren't anonymous, but they can't actually build the support they need and people start resenting their style.

I guess that’s where we see it differently.

These skills will continue to be valuable regardless of what the future holds.

I would add one related, arguably harder skill to master - pattern recognition. Being able to see patterns where others do not yet is an enormously valuable skill in life, and a key part of my arsenal for a changing world - I am, after all, an elder millennial, and I have watched the world go from smoking on the tube, bowler hats, typewriters and briefcases to… this - and I have anticipated and adapted.

I have found myself thinking a lot about this topic of late - I have a daughter, soon to be two, and I want to ensure that she is well equipped for whatever the world throws at her.

> I am, after all, an elder millennial

These things do not add up at all.

There’s a free and popular course by that name too.

I had spent years trying to work out why everyone was so especially unkind to me. I thought maybe I was autistic (I'm not), or that I was giving off weird social cues. Turns out that I just have trouble regulating the regular ups and downs of normal emotional life.

Often people talk about task-completion and procrastination when ADHD comes up. That's emotional disregulation too. You sit at a desk, open your algebra book and start working on problem one. As soon as it is slightly difficult the uncontrollable emotions run wild. It feels awful. Now scrolling a couple of youtube videos takes your mind of it. You get a little break from (what feels like) world ending emotional pain.

I still struggle with this years after my diagnosis but the first step to improvement is to label the emotions you are having, when you have them.

I agree. I think emotional control and social navigation are sort of, but not entirely related. My ADHD inspired emotional disregulation meant people often found me difficult to be around, the emotional swings made them uncomfortable.

I became happier and more successful when I started learning to be less toxic, to control my emotions, or at least not make it other peoples problem.

It is also possible that you met your fair share of assholes.

I think there are enough historical and present-day counterexamples to this, unfortunately.