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Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by gedy on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:12PM (#34590377)
People can tsk tsk this, but it's damn hard to find a mate if you are not in the top 20% of (straight) men, and basically requires you to be aggressive like this. You may be praised for being a "nice guy" by being passive, but it will not get you dates.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by IncRnd on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:21PM (#34590458)
For anyone experiencing this drawback, consider not calling your prospective cuddlybear a "mate" or leering at them when auditing their classes.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by dymk on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:42PM (#34590632)
Maybe don't use cuddlybear either (at least until a few dates in)
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by throway33 on Monday January 30, 2023 @11:32PM (#34591151)
I'm curious why you interpreted the GP's comment this way. In my experience "find a mate" typically means "find a life partner". This is similar to the usage of the term in the original article ("future wife"). I see no reason to think that someone who says "it's hard to find a mate" would leer at someone or call someone they barely know their "mate" prior to being in a serious relationship.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by IncRnd on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @12:30AM (#34591552)
I didn't interpret.

The parent comment used the word mate.

The word leer refers to the leching that was discused in the article. The article says, "a number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place". Lech and leer are semantically related words. [1]

[1] https://thesaurus.plus/related/leer/lech_after

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by throway33 on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @04:11AM (#34592992)
> The parent comment used the word mate.

Yes, but not in the context of calling their "prospective cuddlybear" a mate.

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by IncRnd on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @05:28AM (#34593487)
It was the exact same context, a commenter on HN lamenting the difficulty for 80% of men to meet a women, unless one is aggressive, made as a comment in an article about a group of older-year, leching males. You are interpreting that to mean "find a life partner".
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by throway33 on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @12:25PM (#34598214)
Yes, I am.

> Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith.

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by IncRnd on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @03:20PM (#34601336)
I wasn't interpreting anything.

From reading the text of the actual article, "and a number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of "leching" taking place".

From the comment I had replied to, "but it's damn hard to find a mate if you are not in the top 20% of (straight) men, and basically requires you to be aggressive like this".

> Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith.

Please respond to the article and not an interpretation of partial words and phrases taken from comments. Frankly, it wastes time and derails actual discussions from happening.

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by whateveracct on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:39PM (#34590600)
I recommend not calling it "finding a mate" and maybe it wouldn't seem that way.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by GalenErso on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:15PM (#34590401)
As a woman, I can speak on experience that women will run away from any space men try to invade to seek us, whether it's dating apps, classes, bars, etc. The last thing I want is for a horde of thirsty men to chase me.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by ShredKazoo on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:35PM (#34590552)
Are you trying to meet a guy at all? If so, how would you like it to happen? How does finding dates work, in your ideal world?
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by noogle on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:37PM (#34590572)
Which is why the general advice to men "adopt a hobby" to meet a girl generally doesn't work. It's transparent and therefore defeats its purpose.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by tiahura on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:24PM (#34590481)
You mean ugly men, right?
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by dang on Sunday February 05, 2023 @11:27PM (#34673344)
I'm sorry for getting to this so late, but you've been breaking HN's guidelines repeatedly by posting unsubstantive and/or flamebait comments and using the site for ideological battle (which is not allowed, regardless of ideology). We ban accounts that do these things, so would you please stop?

I'm not banning you right now because you've also posted good things, but if you'd please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and fix this, we'd appreciate it.

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by CyberDildonics on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:19PM (#34590446)
Then why are there so many women on dating apps, in bars and in classes?
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by GalenErso on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:23PM (#34590474)
Men far outnumber women on dating apps.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by CyberDildonics on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @11:24AM (#34597212)
There are still hundreds of millions of women on dating apps, so I'm not sure your generalization holds.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by GalenErso on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @11:27AM (#34597256)
There are not hundreds of millons of unique, real women on dating apps, because there would be billions of men on dating apps given the statistical gender ratios of mainstream apps.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by CyberDildonics on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @11:45AM (#34597504)
https://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/dating-site-male-...

With over 512 million users, Badoo is easily among the most popular dating apps in the world.

This is like someone who walks to work claiming that no one drives cars.

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by GalenErso on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @11:56AM (#34597670)
I stand corrected. Thanks.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by OgAstorga on Monday January 30, 2023 @10:25PM (#34590482)
clubs are specifically designed for this
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by honkler on Monday January 30, 2023 @11:01PM (#34590832)
all men or only ugly men?
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by cpach on Monday January 30, 2023 @11:58PM (#34591362)
This trope is getting tiresome.

Having successful interactions with potential partners and forming relationships is really not about looking like Brad Pitt. Trust me, I know.

And I don’t say this just to try to be politically correct.

It’s easy for young people to fall into this delusion, but there’s much more to it than looks.

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by honkler on Monday January 30, 2023 @11:58PM (#34591368)
excuse me! are you negating my LIVED EXPERIENCE??
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by cpach on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @12:03AM (#34591398)
No. I’m telling you: Even if you don’t have great looks, you still have a chance. Isn’t that great?
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by honkler on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @12:09AM (#34591428)
There's a chance for everything. A gold laden meteor might land in my backyard in the next ten minutes. There's a chance for that too. There's also a 1 in 1000 chance to get laid on tinder. You'd have to swipe a thousand times to get a single swipe back. Is that humanly possible? You'd have to be a robot for that. And a heartless one -- making sure that none of those many constant rejections affect you emotionally.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by cpach on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @12:16AM (#34591466)
Dating can be rough, that’s for sure. I hope you will find what you’re looking for. Best of luck.
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by noogle on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @08:10AM (#34594591)
You miss one thing - positive feedback. It's easier to be laid-back and relaxed when "the world smiles at you" at first sight for your looks. When others treat you like a creep for any move you make, you eventually become bitter or intense, which as you said, repels people regardless of looks.

The dating experience of (heterosexual) men and women is worlds apart. Being on the non-initiating side blinds women to the amount of rejection involved in the process. Men, on the other hand, are not exposed to the amount of unwanted attention it involves since men only interact when they initiate.

Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by jojobas on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @12:36AM (#34591593)
Men invade dating apps to seek women? Colour me shocked, run for your lives!
Re:Need help with students who've turned my class into a dat... by bitmunk on Monday January 30, 2023 @11:17PM (#34590999)
I've seen some downright hideous guys get laid and get a girlfriend. They didn't use first year classes as a shittier Tinder, nor were they especially aggressive. The problem seems to be elsewhere...