I had a very good friend and mentor who was incredibly knowledgable about mechanical engineering and motorsports. He was also competent with computers but not expert. I was often able to troubleshoot some issues and help setup good network, security, data management, but that only went on for so long until I heard him mention at random times that he had hired a computer tech for some task or other. He just spontaneously did it, no suggestions from me. And this despite him helping me a LOT in both my racecar and starting my biz.
Similarly, a neighbor has a tractor that I borrowed a few times for yard work, but only a few times (and refilling the fuel and giving a house gift), after which I always rented one.
Actual friends don't want to be "that guy" who always borrows stuff or asks favors.
Also look at their response when you are done. If they aren't profusely saying "thank you" and often giving back something, e.g., dinner/gift card, some token of thanks, you should stop having time for them next time. If they stop being 'friends' if you don't have time in that instance, they never were.
Hope you're still friends with the motorspots guy :) He sounds like a good guy :)
Funny how a little appreciation and consideration goes a long way.
Even when running my own successful contract IT business, I used to do this sort of thing whenever I didn't feel like taking on a particular job. It also has the side benefit of if the advice you gave was good, then you've helped an ally in the industry (network building), and you've helped out a potential future customer. They'll remember that you're the one who sent them to the folks who solved their issue for them, especially if you sent them to someone who charges a fair price and does good work.
A good way to handle this is to ask for some reciprocal payment that isn't cash. "Sure I can help you with WiFi, but could you review my tax filing for this year?" "Could you come paint my living room for me in exchange?" "Can I borrow your truck for a week?"
They will start valuing these "small favors" a lot more when they are on the losing side.
The issue is when more complex stuff comes along - like say they wanted me to edit their company codebase etc.
Yee I need to learn to refuse :( Oh well learning for me :(
Wannabe friends? Wink wink
Yeah I like to help people too but only through talking / drawing / explaining
Which is work too just that it is more chill I guess and I probably don’t do it as much as you
If I were in that situation, and someone asked me to help with something that I didn't want to do for free, I'd tell them my rates.
"I need help setting up my WIFI. Can you help with that?"
"Sure. I charge $50/hr for tech work."
They're going to look shocked, upset, and probably angry. That's okay, because they were trying to use you and failed.
Then they're going to pull the, "I thought we were friends" or "You won't help a friend?" card. Tell them that you've got a lot going on in your life and are having to prioritize things. Tell them maintaining work-life balance has been hard, and you're trying to fix it because you've been overworking for quite a long time.
When all of that starts to make you feel guilty, ask yourself: "When was the last time they helped me with something they could do that I couldn't?" If the answer is "last week" or "a lot", maybe you should actually help them.
But when the answer is "I can't remember" or "never" (and it usually will be), you can just stop feeling guilty. They're just using you.
And it's okay to just say "No, sorry, I can't help with that." When people ask me to set up their wifi now, I just refuse. That's a huge pit of pain because they'll ask you back to help with every stupid thing they don't want to understand. I just flat refuse now for anyone other than very close friends and family. And I've got some family I'd tell "No", too.