Re:Ask HN: How do I stop being used?
by flying_colours on Thursday June 09, 2022 @02:37PM
(#31685096)
Yee!! I have some "good" friends who truly value the stuff I've helped them with so I'm grateful to them!!
Hope you're still friends with the motorspots guy :) He sounds like a good guy :)
I had a very good friend and mentor who was incredibly knowledgable about mechanical engineering and motorsports. He was also competent with computers but not expert. I was often able to troubleshoot some issues and help setup good network, security, data management, but that only went on for so long until I heard him mention at random times that he had hired a computer tech for some task or other. He just spontaneously did it, no suggestions from me. And this despite him helping me a LOT in both my racecar and starting my biz.
Similarly, a neighbor has a tractor that I borrowed a few times for yard work, but only a few times (and refilling the fuel and giving a house gift), after which I always rented one.
Actual friends don't want to be "that guy" who always borrows stuff or asks favors.
Also look at their response when you are done. If they aren't profusely saying "thank you" and often giving back something, e.g., dinner/gift card, some token of thanks, you should stop having time for them next time. If they stop being 'friends' if you don't have time in that instance, they never were.