Conceptually, they know they just need to put one thing away at a time, but often their emotions kick in first and short circuits rational thought. I help them through this by sitting in the room with them and just calling out 3 things that can easily be put away and tell them to just do those 3 things. Then we will do it again, and again, and again, and ....., until the room is close to being clean and they can finally take care of themselves.
I also point out the phenomenon to them - I call it their "monkey brain" impulse, which I use to describe any impulsive or avoidant behavior. I also use "lizard brain" when they go into a blind rage against their sibling at some perceived slight or injustice, and %kid_name% brain for when rational thought and morality are piloting their actions. The framework seems to work for them, and helps them think about their thoughts (which is a concept I had to introduce to them, they'd literally never thought about doing that - I guess kids don't develop that until later?).
Seems like an excellent skill to practice so early. Love that.
Good parenting in place.
Start with the smallest steps possible. Maybe
that means opening the assignment and saving
it to your computer.
Avoidance/procrastination is still an ongoing struggle for me, and I suspect it always will be.
But breaking things down into steps is my best weapon. Nothing comes close.
(Second place is probably "getting good sleep" which has positive benefits for well, just about any challenge your mind faces)
I actually extend this concept to life in general. I make lists of daily tasks. This even includes "getting out of bed", "taking vitamins", etc. Sometimes it's useful to give yourself "credit" for doing all of the little things. Gets you rolling. Sounds silly but it is often effective for me.
I implemented a system of 9+ hours of sleep the night before an exam; this means I'll be in bed an hour and a half (maybe 3 hours) before my usual bed time. This provides a noticeable buff to my speed, accuracy, and recall on test day.
One thing that's helped me is self talk. You should assure yourself that you're the man and that these challenges are easy for you to overcome. Don't be afraid to go over the top with this and when you do it, give yourself a pat on the back before you take the next step.
I had not noticed the pattern of "avoid negative feelings" -> "negative feelings increase over time", and I actually thought problems like my anxiety had gotten better just because I had found more and more elaborate ways to try to avoid feeling it. In fact, it got worse and I became more and more avoidant of things that might trigger it.
Now the anxiety is still there, it still sucks, but I feel it without flinching and carry it with me without getting lost in the stories it tells. And by doing that, I have enough space in my mind to do the things I was avoiding and be more present.
So again, thank you for writing this comment. Know that you have really helped at least one person.
I call it the foot-in-the-door method, it makes wonders.
The other piece of advice I'd give is break tasks down. Write a paper is hard. Open a document is easy. Title the document is easy. Write a thesis is harder than those two but easier than writing an entire paper. Writing the first paragraph based on your thesis statement is easier than writing a paper.
If you have things broken down into steps its much easier to have a clear step by step plan on how to move forward.
I have struggled with anxiety and fear-avoidance for a long time. Probably most of my adult life. It got to the point where I had to find external help in the form of a therapist. She specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy, which helped me take those first couple of steps. I got better after about 12 months of therapy, but felt like there was something missing in the CBT solution to the anxiety problem.
What really put things in a totally different gear was realising that the voice telling you to avoid, to put off, to cower and run from things, is just a voice. That voice feels like _you_, but it's not you. The voice is sometimes correct. Sometimes it's not. A part of CBT is questioning the unproductive thoughts and feelings, which helps, but it doesn't take this idea of "the voice being just a voice" to its conclusion. Just because you have a thought or a feeling does not mean you should take it literally, as the truth.
ACT, which I discovered by accident shortly after my epiphany, gets to the heart of it with defusion (de-fusing the internal chatter from your rational self) and five other core ideas. For me personally, the idea and practise of defusion was a core component in helping me deal with crippling anxiety. It requires work, but it's possible to feel great in the presence of _some_ anxiety and fear. It's possible to look forward to things which would normally make you anxious and avoidant.
Another book recommendation "A Liberated Mind" by Steven Hayes. I suggest reading a book or two and try to internalise these ideas through practise. No HN comment can provide the nuance and context you'll find in a book and through practise.
I'll typically try making a list of the small steps I need to take, though I recognize that for some people seeing that list might make the anxiety worse. But for me it's a tangible step that allows me to cross off items and visualize the progress as I go which ends up reducing my anxiety about the task at hand. I do it for everything from work related projects to general "cleaning up the house" type work.
I found ACT to be a bit like relying on willpower. There were only so many times I was “willing” to move forward with my feelings when my thoughts and feelings are working against the task, before I give in and give up.
They eventually win out.
When I don't start a scheduled task, it just keeps pushing it down further and further. If I procrastinate too long, tasks at the end get moved to tomorrow automatically. Which sucks. Small steps, click start.
It can be also combined with a couple of neat tricks: talking with somebody about it & making a list about it.
Start with the smallest steps possible. Maybe that means opening the assignment and saving it to your computer. Then put it down and walk away. Come back in a little while and take another small step, such as reading over the assignment or making an outline of what you need to do to get it done. Often once you've done something you will often start to feel a lot different than if you've done nothing.
Keep track of how you're feeling. It's okay to feel more anxiety at first because you're doing something instead of nothing. Those feelings tend to subside over time as you take action, but the point is not to reduce your anxiety, the point is that you are making a commitment to do something in your life, to live your life, rather than to remain paralyzed in fear. Your goal is not to get rid of the anxiety but to live the kind of life you want to live.
This is the model for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. A great book on this is "Get Out of Your Mind and into Your Life."