I don't bring this up casually, either. From the sound of it, the OP got the bad and sadly usual end of how the divorce industry and legal system disenfranchise men as a general tendency. The first time it really happens to you is kind of an eye opener. Mistrust is earned, after all.
Well, clearly you and I will. Give it time and keep talking about it. In the aftermath of MeToo, feelings are still running high, but I think we'll see things balance out in the long run.
Humans tend to generalize as a survival mechanism, if I get hurt in a situation or by something like X then the next time I am in a similar situation or meet something like X I will not trust it.
Unfortunately if you get in a really damaging situation with someone of the opposite gender it can kick this survival mechanism in gear and you become untrusting of them. I've had a similar situation and it sucks, especially if you meet someone you like but your whole mind and body says "not that again!"
I broadly agree with the rest of your comment, but this part is utterly untrue. It's only the wrong generalizations that are harmful.
FWIW, the rest of your comment is kinda a broad generalization about westerners.
Regarding not trusting women, I think I don't trust because I don't understand. Of course this applies to romantic connections to women. I don't inherently distrust all women.
Which is completely normal if you got divorced and got a visitation schedule where you don't get to see your kids often.
On top of that, alimony and child support can ruin a person.
It’s very common that a man end up with little time with the kids as the family court system is stuck on 1950s assumption around the woman being a housewife, and because a woman usually marry up also a huge bill every month. I’ve seen people driven near bankruptcy from it.
This is a great podcast for those unaware of how dangerous it is when your family enters the family court system
The key question to ask yourself is "how does this benefit my kids?"
For the people planning to get married, understand that 50% of marriages end up in divorce of separation, and the median duration is about 8 years. You usually not have much to win by getting married. Plus, divorce rates tend to go up.
If you are already married and plan to stay married, watch this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyty0xb7IMM
His story is more common than what many may think as many women believe she can get full custody by accusing the man of violence or abuse. And too many drain family finances on a lottery bid for that even when there is concrete proof she lies.
This is not an appropriate topic to bring a cartoonish ideology that selectively amplify and dampen the pain it sees based upon unchosen traits.
There is a landscape of tribes to become aware of, and there's space for clouds of "familiar travelers" to move in and out of relation with these tribes dynamically. I would also advise that, rather than finding a tribe and staking the bulk of one's identity and relationships with that tribe, one works to form a constellation of relationships that constitute something like a personal tribe.
In other words, I don't think we need to move backwards to something, but that we can be more creative about how we get our needs met. Realizing that society isn't set up to meet those needs is an important step.
it takes a new relationship to overcome this and that's difficult when past experience hampers your very ability to form that relationship.
Isn't the deconstruction of the family also due to collectivist, anti-individualist ideologies? Gender politics where everyone is a member of a class rather than an individual human can divide us. Instead of looking towards a religious community, family or other cultural institutions for moral guidance or support, modern society looks increasingly towards state institutions.
I don't know many with a lot of trust or love for the government, but I regularly see those same people fall for coercion / manufactured consent that creates a bigger nanny state.
Agree with most of your comment but I feel this is less about "our quest" as it is societal/economic pressure to not have children and push women to work vs focus on raising a family.
I may be wrong but reading OPs post led me to believe he is a straight male and does not feel like a relationship with the opposite sex is a good idea right now. I don't believe this is sexist or an over-generalization, just that he is currently not in the right mindset to be able to open up/trust members of the opposite sex. And that's ok. It will eventually pass.
It is also inaccurate. So we can approach this with empathy when someone admits it, otherwise there are a bunch of men's rights groups that are not interested in pursuing a collaborative approach with all humans, looking for people exactly like OP.
This is NOT how most of the world functions outside of the west, strong community bonds have underpinned the fabric of society and what you're experiencing having been shunted off your family island is the missing safety net provided by robust community.
The advice you're going to receive here will be proffered by folk in the same deconstructed system of individualism focusing on you as an individual.. but what you're experiencing is a need to belong to something greater than yourself that cares for your emotional and social needs, AKA: community. There are groups within the west who are fundamentally aware of these problems and strive to create community, communes, religious groups, eco villages.. find groups that are focused on community (and supporting each-other, being a 'tribe') and get involved in whatever they are doing.
Ps: 'untrusting of women' is an alarm bell that makes me think you see women as a class rather than humans, this should be an alarm bell for you too to realise that generalisations about groups of people are always a bad idea.
Wishing you well in your adventure friend.