Honestly I would second the idea of just joining a company as an FTE (full time employee). Find a place you really like, interview them at least as much as they interview you, and probably say "no" to 5-10 companies before signing on with one of them. Or maybe just join your favorite client full-time if there's one that would work.

Give it a shot for a year, you might like it. (source: have freelanced/founded, never thought I'd like working for others).

FTE stands for ‘full time equivalent’

http://smallbusiness.chron.com/calculate-fte-742.html

It's frequently used to mean “Full Time Employee” (distinct from both a part timer and a contractor), probably originally by people who have overheard the HR speak and misunderstood what it is referring to, but the use seems to be established on its own at this point.

That's a shame because it's pretty useful to say e.g. you're in a 15 FTE company with about 20 colleagues.

This is a very encouraging testimony, thank you for your honesty. I am wondering: were you up-front with your cofounders about these issues when first coming together to start the business, or is it something that you just kind of brushed under the carpet and hoped that it would somehow work out (and it sounds like it did)? Or otherwise, were you aware of it enough at the time that you knew what to look for in your cofounders to bring out the best in you?

Great product by the way - via your profile I've just visited JustWatch for the first time and I'm glad to say it solves a RealProblem™ in my life. Consider yourself bookmarked!

Hey, of course this didn't come out of nowhere. After lots of failures on my own ambitions right after college, I eventually caved in (completely broke) and started a job in tech support to pay the bills. It was only then — where I got my problems and structure from an external source — that I started really excelling.

I eventually automated my job away, worked my way up through engineering into a Lead Architect position and started looking like a credible CTO position — meanwhile I had started doing therapy and coming to grips with accepting my real self.

So in the end, yes, I was pretty honest with my cofounders. Funny thing is that as long as someone else is setting the goalposts and calling the shots, I'm running super smooth, even in a lead role. I guess most people who don't know me a bit better wouldn't even notice I had these issues.

BTW this piece from Tim Ferriss helped me accept my own spiky personality a bit better a few years ago - as there's apparently lots of unexpected upvotes, maybe it might help others too :) https://tim.blog/2013/11/03/productivity-hacks/

Hey - just wanted to let you know that I really identify with the comments you made here today. I just read the blog you linked and I think it could help me a lot.

I struggle with excessive procrastination on a daily basis and seeing the stuff that generally gets posted on the topic of 'productivity' here and for example LinkedIn doesn't track with me at all since it tends to focus on doing massive amounts of work every single day with a 'just do it' mindset. All that does is stress me out, and I often feel like I'm not the right type of person to achieve things. Your view on the topic has given me some well needed positivity - thank you!

You're welcome.

I'll just leave this final piece of advice here, which I would say is the distilled essence of wisdom I've worked hard for in the last decade — whether it might reach you at the point you currently are or not:

It's not that when you have your procrastination issues covered, that you will finally be able to accept and trust yourself.

It is that when you finally accept and trust yourself, you will be able to have your procrastination issues covered.

It may sound cheesy and simple, but trust me that it's correct. Getting there is a whole different game, it took me 10 years for the first 80% and I fear the last 20% will take the rest of my life.

Very much the same. While I can do work myself, I get much more done with others. I'd get distracted or tired if I worked alone, but on a call with someone else I can go for hours, or often until they say they need a break. It helps.

My only motivation is others. I would not do well in a solo work environment. The main driver for me to even clean my house is for my son.

I agree that knowing yourself is important. It's no use forcing yourself to do things you clearly don't enjoy. However, I want to share a motivational hack with you.

I have a bad back. By far the best treatment I got is regular exercise. Later, because of vanity, and because I was always a skinny nerd, I started adding exercises that weren't exactly critical. Okay, I acquired "runner's knee", so it was initially squats. But there's no strict need for push-ups, cycling, pull-ups. I do those for vanity. I like the way I look compared to my peers, even much younger ones. I sweat like hell during some exercises, like when I do 5 sets of squats 3 times a week. But I manage to pull through.

...and... at some point I realized, if I have (or just developed) enough willpower to persist with these often exhausting exercises, why can't I apply the same persistence to practicing programming ? It turns out... I can. Working out HARD is difficult. So is programming. Working out taught me to not get discouraged doing things I know have merit. To keep trying, and use different approaches if the last one didn't work. There's a bit of overlap between working out and programming.

It helped that the other alternative I have is software testing. Reading through the ISTQB materials, and writing some tests I realized this stuff bores me almost to tears. Software testing is important and useful, yes. But it's also a lot of copy&paste work, boilerplates, and you're discouraged from using creative code. Do Repeat Yourself. I make many errors when using copy&paste in code, because monotony puts me to sleep. I forget to update some variable name. Some programming languages, like Rust, have compilers picky enough to reduce the need for software testing. And at the end of the day, you're looking for holes in someone else's work, and the skills you pick up can't be later used in a fun side project.

The bottom line: regular exercise can change your perspective. Realizing other alternatives are boring can change your perspective.

So here's a question - what if I am of this disposition but I have a lot of ideas? And I would not be satisfied with life unless I'm pursuing them? Is there a way to reach out to find people to be in charge of me to execute on my ideas? Does anybody want to do that? (These are not necessarily businesses)

Take this with a heavy grain of salt. It's an idea I've had -- even though I don't have motivation problems -- that I have yet to do. (I plan to within the next three months.)

Hire a part-time project manager.

A good project manager is immensely helpful in (1) teasing out and decoupling requirements, (2) producing a work-breakdown structure (WBS), (3) setting a schedule/timeline for execution, (4) assessing risks, and finally (5) controlling activity and adherence to the schedule.

These are all activities that suck to do alone. A project manager offers a useful organizer and controller. Basically, they represent a forcing function.

Just like personal trainers help unmotivated people stay in-shape, I think a personal part-time project manager would help you follow through on your projects.

I like this idea. Also as soon as you commit cash it's going to be easier to follow through. Make the sunk costs fallacy work in your favor!

it's called a wife where I live (/s), but like any good manager she'll take care of 100% your resources

> Is there a way to reach out to find people to be in charge of me to execute on my ideas?

If it were a business, these would probably be your customers, you usually reach out to them via sales. If instead these are ideas (software) that you want to explore, open-source is a great avenue. As you gain users, issues filed for new features or against bugs become your motivation. To gain users in OSS, you generally need to publicize through a blog or something.

> Does anybody want to do that?

Just find users, and they’ll do it organically.

This is partly why YC (and others) suggest being 2-3 cofounders in startups (the same idea should hold in hobbies as well): the social pressure to perform 'your end of the bargain' is enormous and can do wonders for motivation / productivity.

Sure, if you can pay a CEO salary.

That is literally the job of a CEO. He executes.

People argue that money is never as good a motivator as true passion is. I am not taking sides on that matter, it is just something to consider.

I don't normally think the default "he" as a singular gender-neutral pronoun is a big deal but in this case when describing the ideal of a CEO I would suggest that you use the singular "they" or "he/she" or risk giving the impression of promoting outdated gender roles

TBH I've been thinking long and hard about that issue since I still have lots of interesting plans, and for the next step in my career (which is probably still a few years away), I already decided I'll do what it takes to find someone who's aligned with me on that very topic and can fill the role for shares and cash.

I think it's a little weird but workable, I have at one time worked with someone who had a quite similar disposition (he was more of a product and sales guy) and he literally hired a managing director for his newly founded company so he could do the stuff he was best at — on the topic he chose himself, in the company he founded himself.

As per the above analogy, if you've surrounded yourself with people willing to work with you given the value you bring to the table, you may manage to recruit them for your own ventures. Some of the most prolific modern artists seem like giants that stand on their own but work with others constantly, which provides some not-insignificant level of inspiration. John Zorn comes to mind, pumping out about a half-dozen albums a year on his label.

You might like something like this:

https://www.commitaction.com/

Ooh, I hadn't known about that one! Here's a similar one whose founder I can vouch for: https://bossasaservice.life/

That is pretty interesting. Thank you.

Man, this is so recognisable. I've always had problems with self-motivation and discipline, and especially when working on my own projects. The first year I was self-employed, I had ambitious ideas about my own projects. I had a toddler at the time, and I had some great ideas for multi-lingual mobile games for toddlers (most are just in English). I started on one, but messed about so much (trying to learn Photoshop on my own, switching frameworks, reading about other stuff), while worrying about all the parts I wouldn't be able to do myself (graphics, music) that I never got anywhere.

Then I became a freelancer on other people's projects (mostly banks lately), and that's going fine and pays very well. But when I think about all the time I wasted not getting anything done on my own projects...

Best thing I did for my own project, was tutoring a friend who'd just switched from medical psychology research to programming. We worked on my hobby project together, and that at least got me going.

Working for others is so much easier than working for yourself. Fucking up my own ideas doesn't hurt anyone but me, but a paying client, that certainly helps motivation.

Have you ever tried medication? For me personally it's even worse when working for others. Even went to the therapist, but she said they don't prescribe stuff like Adderall (don't even have it), and solution is just therapy in form of talking, which had zero effect (she asked questions I asked myself when I was 15). Really curious about Adderall.

Went through Ritalin (normal & XR), amphetamine, SSRI and tricyclic antidepressants, but in hindsight none of those gave me much leverage... just left me with holes in my short term memory I'm still regularly annoyed by. YMMV of course, I'm not a doctor and results in this space vary wildly.

The really large improvements came from external structure and therapy. BTW I experienced pretty much the same as you did in the beginning, it was only the third therapist who asked the really uncomfortable questions and went in deep. The others were just a waste of time. The difference between good and bad therapists is several orders of magnitude and a personal connection matters. Don't give up and try to get recommendations.

Ritalin and amphetamine did not improve your focus/motivation? Not even the first couple of times you tried them?

Not OP. But when my doc said I have ADHD I gave it a try and it doesn't for me. I tried several dosages and settings but it does never improve my focus and especially not my motivation. If anything the wrong dosage made it just worse.

I still don't see the use for these pills out of last resort party add on.

I'm not a doctor, but if you do have ADHD, it's worth trying all the available medication -- amphetamines(adderall, dexedrine, desoxyn), methylphenidate in it's various release forms, strattera, or off label medicine -- modafinil, bupropion or even nicotine patches.

You might also have another condition like depression.

I've experimented with several chemicals (probably not legal where I live) and indeed not all provide both focus AND motivation.

Healthy work habits, enjoying the work that you do, having longer term goals and your work actually contributing to your longer term goals, having hobbies outside work and so on and on -- all these things can help.

Also make sure you lead a healthy lifestyle, you sleep properly, you do physical activity, check you vitamin Bs, hormone levels -- thyroid, testosterone.

You can also do a DNA test with 23andme/ancestry and then analyze the raw data with something like Promethease.

Adderall helps me with focus and motivation but it makes me feel absolutely not like myself. I've done various drugs throughout my life but the feeling I had on Adderall was honestly downright scary once I had wrapped up the programming tasks I set out to do on it.

Did you feel "zombied-out" -- completely emotionless, staring at a blank wall, like you have your foot on both the acceleration and the break pedal of a car; I felt that way when taking too large of a dosage of certain stimulants.

I certainly don't mind being an average 1x programmer, if I don't have to take drugs to better my performance.

I don't like coffee, nor alcohol, and I never put any smoke in my mouth. When my diet is OK and my body gets the required exercise, the mind works best.

I tried all variations on the theme - different sleep patterns (getting up early at fixed time, waking naturally), diets (low carb, no processed food with excess sugar etc etc, workouts (running, working with weights), no coffee, just 1 cup of coffee, max 2-3 cups of coffee... sadly without significant effect. What I also notice that my lack of focus is not tied just to productivity - I can't even finish Lord of the Rings movie in one sitting, and I LOVE it.

I have worked 0 hours the last 3 days, but I did 90h/week stakes for 2 months continuously from December to January.

Have you ever been burned out? I wouldn't work 90 hours per week these days unless someone was paying me a really serious amount of money. For my current rates, I find it not unethical to work at a more relaxed pace, procrastinating, really maybe working for about 3 hours per day.

You might be unsure of the resulting reward from doing something. When I was an undergraduate, I've experienced poverty and hunger multiple times, which was proved to be (ironically) a great motivator. Unless off course I couldn't find a client to do a project for so I'd find myself in some serious depression instead.

I was (am?) a Matrix fan myself, but I wouldn't find it rewarding to rewatch the films or the anime again. I like re-reading the interpretations once in 2 or 3 years or so (<spoilers>I believe Neo is a program himself and Zion is also a simulation</spoilers>).

On the other hand, I binge-watched the two seasons of Stranger Things when the second one came out. Did I like it? Yes. Would I rewatch it, no. There's no reward in doing so.

I hate to give advice on the internet, as the variables that define each of us are haotic, but try to get along with yourself. Boredom might be a coping/survival mechanism of our bodies to not burn out (the reward must be greater than the energy/time you dedicated to a project).

You might find the following video interesting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMMOErxtahk

Your therapist should be able to refer you to an MD for meds, if she thinks that would help.

Trouble is there are no amphetamines as meds in my backwards country.

Working with someone else who holds me accountable creates a bizarre amount of motivation for me. There is certainly something hard-wired in humanity about working in groups.

Gretchen Rubin has a podcast and books; she has a concept of personality types. I can't remember them all, but one is "Obliger", where you're more likely to meet outside expectations than your own. I've got a lot of that myself.

She has a blog post on them: https://gretchenrubin.com/2013/01/four-personality-types-whi...

I think this idea is fantastic, and here's another reason: You have a giant grab-bag of motivational tricks to teach your mentees.

Dealing with this issue didn't result in the strength you wanted, but it sure as shit gave you some strengths anyway.

I have a music studio in central Germany. Wanna do a single together? ;-)

I'm in. Just add me on LinkedIn :)

Practice self love.. (very good to do, but ) it made me think, doesn’t this all have much to do with not being able to impress oneself anymore?

I’m just like you although I doubt as successful. This is very very good feedback for this person.

thx so much for writing this. what a helpful comment.