disturbed

I’d like to thank everyone for the support and advice! Your kindness alone made me feel better. You’ve also given me motivation to continue the fight.

Thanks. I will look in to it - sounds interesting

Thank you!

Thank you for your comment. That is absolutely true. I have excuses for everyone except for myself. Intellectually, I realize that, but it’s difficult to fight it. My therapist is trying to help with this. We’ll see how it goes.

Thanks. Religion isn’t my cup of tea.

1. I dread that but it may be one option

3. What do you mean by system design?

5. Not in the US. Here everyone pays taxes and when you retire you get some small pension (a lot of senior people digging through dumpsters for bottles to earn extra money).

Thank you

Thanks for the links. I will look into them.

Thank you. Yeah I’ve got mortgages and kids. And you are right I do sell myself short sometimes. But on the other hand, there is a lot of young (cheaper) talent on the market that I’d have to be exceptional to get hired (or at least this is how I see it in my mind).

Yes, I am willing to relocate. I will try updating my cv and apply for some positions abroad.

It’s “no” on all of them except hobbies - I do have one (but it’s fairly recent).

Thanks for this. I guess the common thread in all of that is connecting with others. I’ve always been a loner. I don’t know anyone I like spending time with. I don’t know why is that.

I’m sorry about your condition. Compared to that, my problems are insignificant.

I try from time to time to code something... I’ve been learning F# lately. I force myself to sit in front of computer and do something, anything.

But, somehow everything is tainted by the thought of going to “the pit” in the morning. I don’t know how to overcome that - to disconnect when I leave office.

Thank you for sharing this

Thank you

I live in a small town, in a small country. If I tried locally the word would get out. I could apply in a different country. I guess I’m afraid of proving myself right that I am incompetent. But, you are right - can’t hurt to try.

Thank you.

Thank you. I get anxious around people. For example, every time I get out of the house I have to prepare mentally. Going to the market store I have to go through possible scenarios in my head. It’s been like that as long as I can remember. I’ve learned to deal with it over the years, but it’s there.

That’s why becoming political or engaged in the community is difficult but I like the idea and will try to find some way.

Thank you.

I don’t know what to say. You are absolutely right.

What makes me even more anxious is the life my kids are going to have. How do I teach them to avoid the slavery when even I’m not able to break free.

Thank you.

Thanks. Several people recommended cold showers or swimming in cold water. Guess it doesn’t hurt to try.

Thank you! I’ve started seeing a therapist. We’ll see how it goes.

Thank you. This is true. I’ve stopped using all social media (except HN) a year ago. Not sure about HN. Sometimes I read interesting things. Sometimes it makes me anxious and depressed

Thank you. I have been drinking more lately. I guess I should stop. I find it hard to enjoy anything. I was thinking about why is that. I found I don’t like myself at all and I guess deep inside I think I don’t deserve to feel joy. My therapist says I’m emotionally immature. She’s probably right.

I always feel like I’m wasting time and should be learning or trying to find another job. Then I start thinking about what to learn, what could I possibly do, since the domain knowledge I have is about gambling. Then I open the browser and.... down the rabbit hole I go

Thanks

I’ve never tried it. It’s illegal in my country.

Thanks for taking time... I live in south-eastern Europe. Gambling/betting here is rampant. I feel like I’m contributing to the problem, but can’t seem to find the way out.

Thank you. The thought of medication makes me sad, I don’t know why. I am seeing a therapist. Not sure if helps, I’ve only been in three or four sessions.

For some reason I don’t like talking to people. Usually I don’t know what to say and I don’t find interesting the things others talk about. I know it sounds selfish but I don’t know how to pretend to be interested.

Thank you