"I know this is weird, but..."

It helps me get to the actual point of direct confrontation, but by blaming it on myself it helps absorb some of the awkward.

Truly though, I hate it when people touch my laptop's screen!

Here are more examples of the same technique:

"This is totally my own OCD, but it drives me crazy if..."

"Just a sec, I have to apologize, but..."

"It's probably just me, but it kills me when..."

(Don't forget to smile and be apologetic, tone is key)

Making a joke or lighthearted comment is a lot more effective than saying "hey there, I know you just use your work computer for MS Office, solitaire, and Facebook, but I care more about this computer than most people care for their children. Keep your dirty mitts off of it."

They'll probably never understand why you care so much for your computer, so it's better just to pretend you have some 'weird' issue with people touching your stuff.

Silliness works.

Or my favorite: "Touching my computer is like touching my penis. Seriously."

It's not silly to not want someone to touch your screen. I think you should just come out and say it. "Please don't touch my monitor."

There's a "please", it's not like it's rude...

    "Hey, you see that thing right--"
    "Please don't touch my screen."
    "I didn't touch it, though."
    "I know.  Thank you.  Please keep it that way."
    "Ok... anyway, the thing right here--" (pointing)
    "Please don't touch my screen."
    (mildly annoyed, steps back a foot) "So, the thing under the red bit there..."

If that doesn't work, just work remotely.

And, seriously, what kind of unevolved cretin can't communicate without pointing anyway? It's embarrassing. If you have to point, point with the mouse, or learn to use Skitch.

And, seriously, what kind of unevolved cretin can't communicate without pointing anyway?

This is ridiculous. Pointing serves a very useful purpose in communication, and is often far more efficient than verbal cues. Have you really never pointed at anything while trying to communicate something to someone? If not, you should really try it. You'll be amazed at how easy and effective it is :)

There is a place for prized asshole behavior. Frankly, touching someone's screen when it clearly bothers them is pretty damn rude, imo. If the only way to get them to stop is to make them uncomfortable doing it in your presence, that seems fair to me.

I'd react roughly the same way if someone rubbed their genitals on my screen while I was using it. It's that offensive to me. (Actually, I wouldn't mind the genitals quite as much. They're probably cleaner.)

Probably not. There's always a better way to say something. Acting like an asshole is just a fallback for not understanding how to effectively communicate. I'd be annoyed at a coworker if I had the dialogue you posted above with him/her.

Really? You'd politely say "Please don't touch my screen with your genitals"?

I don't know you or anything, but it seems like life is too short to get this worked up over something so trivial.

I know most people will claim that it's just the cost of the item, but in reality I think it's that they're addicted to that little window into the machine. I know I am.

Now the other guy is the rude idiot. Problem solved!

I think it's ok to touch laptop screens. I touch my own and if I'm interested enough in pointing something out I may touch yours because at that point I'm at a completely different place mentally and not thinking about your little quirks. One of my co workers stressed out every time I touched his screen but it didn't make me stop. I'd avoid it when I remembered but I frankly don't believe it's a big issue. He'd let a loud annoyed sigh and reach for the cleaner that he kept by his desk and I'd laugh at him.

Your pet peeve is not really my problem.

Your expensive screen is not brittle and will not crack at the slightest touch. It will not melt under the powerful corrosive force of my finger oils. It just makes a little streak. Get over it and carry one of those fuzzy lcd wipey things with you if it bothers you that much.

Anyway, people like me exist. We will annoy you but it's (mostly) unintentional. You can try to point out your annoyance in all sorts of amusing/passive aggressive ways but it's not going to completely work. It's still going to happen. Realize that you're being a bit irrational and get over it.

It's not about the expense, and calling it a pet peeve is very dismissive. It's about respect and personal space more than anything else.

Consider this: I'm more comfortable without pants on. When I work from home, in my own space, I'm usually not wearing pants. But when I come into the office, I put on pants, because I have some modicum of respect for the people I work with, and I know that pantslessness is going to make people uncomfortable.

Your behavior doesn't bother you, but ignoring the fact that it bothers others is the very definition of rudeness. Do you also lick strangers?

Honestly, if you started getting up and walking away every time I came to your cube, I'd be there 3 times a day and half of the other people in the office would be in on it and find it hilarious and you'd probably end up in the cupboard crying and hand in your notice.

Seriously just say "please don't touch my screen" instead of this hilarious behaviour.

I'd just quit, simple as that. If my boss wanted me to stay, he'd make sure you stopped or left. I'm an experienced javascripter in Silicon Valley. Finding a job is not a problem, in this or any economy, and nothing's worth working in a hostile environment. If you were working for me, you'd be fired on the spot for such behavior.

In a professional environment, blatant disrespect should not be tolerated. I'm pretty sure my feelings on this matter are not unusual.

The "don't touch my screen" thing is fine by me, but that mardy shit can fuck off, either say it or get out.

It won't ruin the car. And it's just an object after all.

If you urinated in someones car and they were upset, would you tell them they were being irrational or to get over it? Maybe tell them they should keep a towel in the car in case the passengers urinate? I mean, if you think it's ok to urinate in a car then it's not really your problem if they seem annoyed by it...

For me, that attitude is heading beyond rude and into the realm of sociopathic.

Seriously, are you really saying that you think it's irrational to try to set the boundaries on how other people interact with your own personal property?

Doubly so for the windshield.

I used to be one of those until I forced myself to take a pencil everywhere for if I could not hold back the urge. This keeps the screen clean and makes pointing more accurate.

My advice: Don't feel bad about telling them to back off - they may not even know this is not done. And if they do it again, compare it to if they had to use a (sweaty) friend's keyboard or mobile phone. So, limiting possible exposure to this is in everyone's favour.

The day she pulled her little routine on one of the vice presidents was her last day at the office. She was out of the building before lunch.

As developers, we like to pretend that we're above office politics, or that our tools are our own, and other things like that. Nope. To managers, we're all as interchangable as furniture. And it wouldn't surprise me that much of the offshoring is due to the combination of 2 facts: that they have the power and we don't; and that the jocks are pissed off at the nerds because we don't kiss their asses enough. Just look at the title of one of the latest fad articles and books to come out of the Harvard Business Journal: does I.T. matter?. Remember what PG says about mental fads? "What scares me is that there are moral fashions too. They're just as arbitrary, and just as invisible to most people. But they're much more dangerous. Fashion is mistaken for good design; moral fashion is mistaken for good."

http://www.c2.com/cgi/wiki?PlugCompatibleInterchangeableEngi...

http://www.nicholasgcarr.com/doesitmatter.html

http://www.paulgraham.com/say.html

But I think its always over-the-line when a touch can actual do some small amount of damage to the item - any touch to laptop screen is going to be reducing its lifetime at least a bit.

But can anyone here honestly say that they've ever had to get rid of a laptop even one day earlier than they would have anyways because of the damaging effects of finger oils on the screen? There are so many things in a laptop that degrade more quickly than the screen surface, I just don't think it's a very legitimate worry.

What's the worst case scenario from touching a laptop screen a lot, other than the minor annoyance of having to wipe the crap off from time to time?

I think it is so much more polite to just ask people not to do it again. Just asking them will get the point across and will not make them feel awkward.

You could keep a couple of laser pointers handy for the touchy ones. Just hand it to them whenever they show up. Everybody likes lasers.

  don't touch it
  slaps with large trout
  so sad a smudge

I would be curt about it when it happens: "Please don't touch the screen, thanks." And say it with a smile. That way it would almost be a disposable, passing remark like: "Watch your step.". Making a big production of it would be worse for both sides. You want to say something and just move on so the incident doesn't linger too long. In a way, you are trusting the person to get the point. If he/she doesn't get it then it's their fault, not yours. I can see how this would be difficult if it doesn't suit your personality or the one you project at the office.

So in conclusion, if your screen isn't glass-covered and they're coming at it like an ICBM, definitely say something polite (Excuse me..., Please don't..., Umm...). But if your screen is protected and they're not using a pen/knife to point...let it go. Most screens are so bright you can't even see smudges.

If you love something, take care of it and it'll last longer and treat you well. We live in a disposable society. I was always taught to take care of things so they would last. You too apparently.

I like a clean screen.

Please do not touch my screen.

As for a pen, that simply warrants breaking someone's hand for a first offense. Word will get around quick after that ;).

The situation with the company laptop is a little more complicated because the property is, in some ways, as much theirs as it is yours. Still, you're using the equipment so you have a right to keep it smudge-free, whether by wiping off the mark or by asking them not to do that. Hopefully they'd take the hint if they saw you wiping away the smudge.

It's not necessary to touch the screen even if you're pointing something. Grab the mouse (or use the touchpad) or just point without touching. Is it so difficult?

It's obviously a habit acquired by interacting with paper and less fragile (and expensive) media. But for me it is a sign of ignorance.

I hate this so much that I avoid to bring my laptop at meetings unless it is strictly necessary.

Point without touching please. I never want to touch someone else's mouse or keyboard. They are among the dirtiest most germ infected places you can find and touching them is bad for both you and the person with the keyboard / mouse / touchpad.

Good points all around. I still think that some things are not for casual touching (camera lenses, laptop screens, TV screens, eyeglasses, mirrors, etc) but I get that the smudges don't bother some people at all, so it's not that they are being rude, just they aren't aligned with my personal peeves.

My laptop is an important personal item, not that it has a pet name, just that it's something I use all day every day and chose carefully. Maybe like a bicycle couriers bike, or something. I make my living with it. Treat it with respect, please.

Anyway, I find the smudges distracting. In the end, that's the thing.

Obviously clients, prospects, and vice presidents get to touch it with impunity. Colleagues with pizza fingers will get cschep's prefix.

I agree wholeheartedly, why do they just have to touch our screens?

I'm a direct person so I just say swiftly and quickly "Don't touch my screen."

This assumes of course that they don't harbor some secret dislike for you, such that your complaints might touch off an avalanche of retribution that leaves you jobless, homeless, and pariahed by society at large.

Of course this is most likely very depending on the culture and place where do you live.

Not only do you avoid the finger-oil issues, but it's also more accurate.

I have the macbook pro with the hard black screen. Though the matte screen might be more of a concern if someone touches it.

I had to buy a box of wet wipes to clear the screen whenever he left my desk.

Drove me nuts.

Worked in every company I was employed...

Absolutely. As long as he doesn't mind losing the finger he touched it with.

Of course, I'm assuming you meant with his finger...

And I'd smack people's fingers with my ruler when they did.

Damn fingerprints! :-)

Make a big show of cleaning it.

s/coworker/other people's kids/

s/laptop screen/your house/

s/coworker's finger/food/

    Don't touch my screen. Yes I'm serious. Go clean it up. Now.

Whenever someone approaches you, quickly switch to that web page.

donttouchmyfuckingscreenorillkillyou.com is available.

  javascript:document.write("<h1 style='font-size:10em'>Don't touch my screen!</h1>")

  javascript:(function (){document.querySelector("body").style.MozTransform="rotate(180deg)";})()

(...)

Look in my eyes, man U can't touch this

Personally, I have long arms, big hands, and terrible close-up vision, so I approach other people's monitors very slowly, with the back of my pinkie, and really do my best not to touch the part of the computer that isn't supposed to be touched. Anything else is just rude; you are sticking your finger into the retina of the person who owns the machine.