"Amazon does the customer service"

Sure this isn't Hell ? Because customer service at Amazon is a best non existant, at worse actively against you...

Can't you famously just return stuff to Amazon within a month for basically any reason? I purchased a monitor from Dell and after a few weeks it became clear that there was a loose connection internally. It was extremely simple to prove. But getting it replaced was hell. I went through the whole process of creating a ticket, talking to 3 different people, taking photos of the thing from every angle and then after they failed to get back to me for a week, I emailed for an update and was told "Sorry sir, there was no activity on the ticket for over a week so the ticket was closed". It didn't matter that the delay was on their side. And no they wouldn't reopen the ticket, and no I couldn't refer to the old ticket, and no the old photos wouldn't work. Start over. Talk to several different support people again, take all those photos again.

My SIL bought a scanner from Amazon a few months back and never unboxed it because she was moving house. When she did, it was faulty. They took it back without much of a fight even though the month was up. She just said "I unboxed it yesterday, it's broken".

It's changing. I imagine that was always intended to be an introductory thing to cement their position in the marketplace.

Good old enshittification. Make it good to attract users, then optimize for profit once the users can't leave.

What's stopping the users from leaving?

That is not a compelling case for Amazon locking customers in. You can't make a purchase anywhere else because you paid for Amazon Prime?

Nobody ever went broke banking on the laziness of the American public. People could also go to the pizza shop or liquor store or grocery store or 7-11 or whatever instead of paying a shitload more delivery but they don't.

From citizen to shitizen.. we need a virtual sovyeet union in antartica.. systemic competition

It's been like that for over a decade now. I hope you're wrong, but I fear you're not.

Not a chance -- if I can't easily return things I might as well go back to in-store or use aliexpress or similar.

Amazon's customer service (for the web store at least) is fantastic.

Even if the core shopping/delivery service fails you, if you complain, they'll take the "customer is always right" position and make you whole. They'll refund or re-ship with no questions asked, without requiring you sending back anything or even so much as providing proof.

I'm sure some people must take advantage of that level of customer service, but it's a really pleasant experience.

Be cautious about calling their customer support if you have "bought" DRM stuff: you can be banned for any reason at any time.

I complained about a failed delivery (broken box, one item missing). They refunded me but then immediately put me on a watch-list, threatening to ban me if I ever complain again. I will never buy anymore on amazon.

See https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41555898

I bought Kindle Paperwhite with ads. Get tired of ads. Tried to pay Amazon to remove ads, for some reason it didn't work (I'm not from USA).

Contacted customer support, explained what's the problem, the person on the other side said "wait a minute, sir" and removed ads from my Kindle without asking me to pay for it.

That was a good experience with Amazon.

Based on my own experience it is still fantastic. Not long ago I had an issue with an order and a real human called me back right away outside normal office hours. No waiting in a phone queue. And he was actually able to help me. If that is not excellent I don't know what is. I don't know of any other large company with a remotely similar customer experience.

Facebook’s UI is slow as hell.

But otherwise this is accurate.

Perhaps I should have said "UI design" instead of "UI".

I feel a little guilty, because it's all based on stereotypes, and I don't have enough firsthand experience to say which stereotypes are true.

It’s fine since the original joke is based on stereotypes too. The stereotypes are the joke.

Facebook's UI is slow and buggy.

Are you putting them in charge of UI because they've made React? (which is already a cardinal sin in my book)

I was thinking more along the lines of slick visual design. Probably should've specified "UI design" instead of UI.

This is good but the punchline needs to be punchier.

I do like the implication that were working in the warehouse and not AWS but maybe it's too subtle.

You might also be able to do something with the surprise switch from Linux to Linus. In heaven code is reviewed on GitHub [...], in hell [...] a nd your code is reviewed by Linus.

I've heard that Amazon is a miserable place to work even if you're a software engineer.

The switcheroo idea sounds good.

My joke got more attention than I expected, given that it was just a quick first draft. I encourage everyone to improve on it, and share your version wherever you want, without attribution. Consider it a part of the public domain, just like the joke Carlin told.