I read this in the voice of Douglas Adams.
OP I am still a parent of 2 toddlers but I came to realise at almost 35 that I was an asshole to my parebts for a long part of my life. It is one of my biggest personal shames. On the other hand I believe such break up is needed to be willing to brave the world independently. We are one weird species, is my conclusion.
Two years ago, I helped my mother die (I was then still thirty-something, she was sixty).
In such vulnerable situations, the honesty between our coupling (dying mother to mortal son) left us in a constant stream of mostly-happy tears.
Hearing your mother, on her months-away deathbed, describe you as "a bully, absolutely; sometimes even an asshole. But I love that you mostly bullied assholes, even your most-difficult brother (you could always humiliate him when he NEEDED it) and even me, sometimes, when I was acting out."
RIP, Mom; I miss You immensely, even these two years later, but am so glad we were able to lessen the guilt and share in being human.
>We are one weird species, is my conclusion.
Wishing you well in your futures.
But, I meant that in the abstract sense of displaying a bent or filtered version of myself. Sometimes the ping-pong thoughts can't be allowed to all come out at once so my external presentation certainly fits some point in the range of my usual expressions, but may not totally accurately represent my internal state.
Their brain fires up at about 14, and soon starts to figure out that life is actually a costume party, so they spend the next decade in their cave pondering about it while making up their costume, naturally grunting at you while you annoy them with your mundane down-to-earth already-costumed person considerations. Then at 25 or 30 their costume is ready and they start playing with you childishly again.
"I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party, and I attended with my real face." (Kafka)
"Parents who expect gratitude from their children (there are even some who require it) are like those usurers who willingly risk the capital to receive interest." (Kafka)