You nailed it. I've kind of stopped having get-togethers at my house (either for friends or family) because people show up, do a brief normal-human greeting interaction, and inevitably eventually sit down and just kind of zombie out scrolling their phones. Despite efforts to strike up conversation, play a board game or whatever, people just can't put the fucking things down for even 5 minutes, let alone enough time to do some actual activity or talk. I tried to do movie night, but people are on the goddamn phones before the opening credits are even done. As a host, it's pointless--you almost have to dance around like a monkey to just get someone to look up. Same problem with going out to eat with friends at restaurants.

We (the tech community) have spent 10+ years “growth hacking” entire populations, scaling up the web backends and personal devices capable of connecting that relentless growth into “users’ attention”. All that attention has to come from somewhere. There are only so many hours in a day; more virtual = less RL, human attention is a zero sum game.

Are people really like this?

Maybe this is controversial but it sounds like you just don't have good friends. I can't think of any of my friends that would respond to a request to hang out and then use their phone outside of a minimal amount once they got there. And honestly if they are doing this regularly as a force of habit, I probably am not asking them to hang out again.

I have a very similar experience as you, almost all of my friends do not use their cellphones apart from a minimal amount in case a message needs a time sensitive reply.

I do have a couple of them who have an extreme habit of zoning out into their phones, sometimes in the middle of a conversation, we are close enough where I have set a boundary/game when we meet, they give me their phones and we put them face down somewhere, they can check it after stating out loud the reason for using it, it's helped them immensely to unglue from their phones during social hangouts since they noticed they were simply addicted.

There's very little that tires and bores me the fuck out more in a social hangout than people on their phones, it just feels so rude, and hollows the experience.

You should try the Jackbox party games. They require a certain level of engagement and are quite fun.

Just being facetious but maybe they didn’t like the movie you put on? I don’t know, I glance at my phone even when it’s a movie I like. Many of us doom scroll HN during the day, from a socializing perspective is that any better than social media? Unless multiple people in the group are scrolling HN and having an actual conversation about a post, I don’t think so.

If you're Orthodox, keeping Shabbat (no phones for 24 hours) solves this - at least for one day a week.

According to Google, Quora, and r/Judaism you can search for "is it okay to read Parsha or Tanach on phone on Shabat" on Shabbat.

Typed on my iDevice with thick slatherings of /s

Have you considered collecting everyone's phone when they arrive only giving them back when they leave?

They will stop showing up most likely.

I would also just stop asking these people out.

Me and my partner don’t meet with people that often but we meet with people that don’t do phones while we meet.

I think I would just ask people out of my house or if in restaurant I would finish up and leave.

The only friend that would do this around me got a rant or two from me. Basically told him I didn’t invite him over for that and he should be present if we’re together. He’s a great guy and actually changed his behavior after that.

Honestly, I wish that could become a cultural norm. As things are now it would be a kind of awkward request, but I bet it would really help if it were acceptable.

Make it understood that it's a theme party. As long as it's not a surprise on arrival. Promote it on the socials when you do the invite. It's not like you invite people individually anymore either. Its the 2020s, gamify that shit!

When I hear "gamify" or "gamification", I think 2000s, not 2020s.

I think norm should be asking people to leave if they cannot put the phone down.

Usually when people are staring at their phone while we're hanging out I pull out my phone and send them a text message.

It seems like it's punishing to people who are responsible with it. If you have issues with people showing up and not being away from their phone, then either talk to them or don't invite them. It's not your job to "fix" them from their habits. If you like them enough to be friends with them in spite of that, then why are you excluding them because of it?

Don't be passive-aggressive about it.

My house doesn't have service, I can only use my phone over my wifi. It is so funny when we host my wife's family and nobody can get on their phone to check their Instagram or tiktok or what not. Her nieces and nephews hate visiting because of that. But at least people we host talk to each other.

That's what sober people say about hanging out with those imbibing. You're not wrong tho.

Some substances at least make people more social or more engaged and empathetic. Any drug that makes someone stare at their lap and not respond to outside stimulus is probably bad for social settings.

I don't do drugs (anymore) but I enjoy hanging out with people who can use drugs and be social.

Ketamine?

Are you asking about this with regards to it being used socially? Depends on the environment and the people obviously, but in the places I'm exposed to it (underground electronic music events) I know many people who are still able to function socially while using it. Yes they're high, but they don't consume enough to fall into a k-hole.

Addiction is the perfect comparison here.

Huh? Careful with those absolutes. I've been sober for seven years now and don't find this statement to be the case for me. I enjoy hanging around both sober and non-sober folk alike. Hell, I regularly have a blast on packed dancefloors surrounded by incredibly inebriated folk, both friends and strangers, very late into the night.

Everyone's different.

My friends don’t do that though. Lots of people don’t. I spend time on my phone, but mostly when on the train or procrastinating going to sleep.

Get a device to jam the cellphone bands. Make sure the power output is low enough to only jam phones in your home. /s

Make a stack of phones in the middle of the nearest table. First one to grab their phone pays for the the groups food/drinks/next round/whatever.