The book "Stolen Focus" had an interesting point on this effect that resonated with me. While mind wandering -- letting your mind explore the past and future -- can be a gift and creative boon, it can only do so in a low-stress environment. People often rate "mind wandering" as one of the least pleasant daily activities, even below chores, because, mind-wandering in a high stress environment leads to rumination, and "ruminating on negative emotions becomes torment."

As somebody who's often suffered from depression, I try not to think about the future or the past. The past makes me sad and is filled with pain. The future feels like an ominous and oppressive und uncertain presence.

It seems like the healthiest behavior would be to allow yourself to think about the future/past, constrain yourself to be kind to yourself while doing it, and critically, _move on_ and think about something else next.

Where rumination gets dangerous, in my experience, is when it becomes an infinite mental loop.

I don't really get how you move on from something. Is this something you decide? Something that happens? Can you stop thinking about something only by wanting to?

Whenever people talk about moving on, I feel as if they were talking about using their third arm, that I just don't have.

Check out rumination-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, ideally with guidance and support from a therapist.

I used to hear "just let it go" and think I was being asked to do something impossible! Using a third arm is a great way of putting it.

Turns out the self-regulation needed to "move on" is just a developmental skill. Like any skill, it can be practiced and improved over time. Hope you find this encouraging!

Thanks, it helps a lot to know that it's a skill that you can develop!

+1 for what grepLeigh has said. CBT is a huge help.

> Can you stop thinking about something only by wanting to?

Absolutely, yes. If I catch myself in a death spiral of thoughts, I can literally tell myself "no, that's enough, I'm done with this" and do something else instead. It takes introspection, acceptance, understanding, compassion (for yourself and the subjects of your thoughts), therapy, and practice. Meditation can also help.

There's no single piece of advice I can give because it was a lengthy and painful process, but maybe it's enough to say that yes, it's possible to learn, because it's something I had to learn and I managed to figure it out.

Knowing that someone else managed to learn it and can now just stop spirals of thoughts is a big help, thanks for sharing that

Noticing it is the first step. Believing you can change it is the second.

It sounds so cheesy to say, but I really wish they would teach mindfulness in schools. It's such an important life skill, and it's one I had to realize on my own was important.

Conceptually, I agree with you. I've put a lot of effort over the years into being able to control and stop rumination, which has been a huge boon. However, nothing I've tried has changed this fundamental inability to imagine any future that isn't more of the same that I've already experienced (as in painful and disappointing). I think without making enough positive experiences to convince my brain to change how it processes/interprets events, that's something that can't change.

The question then becomes, how do I make positive experiences? If I make what I think is a positive experience, I end up worrying about parts of it and wondering about its negative aspects. That's also something I have to work on and change. It's a cycle, it's slow and iterative, and I feel like I'm making progress, however little, but I am how I am right now, and I'm okay with that.

I relate.

A good project is your best friend

Call it "escapism", except without the feeling of worthlessness that comes with drowning yourself in fiction.

"Und" made it sound even more ominous und more uncertain.

Hah, didn't realize I'd snuck that in there.

Thinking of the future in and of itself is not responsible for those reactions. Habitually agonizing about negative possibilities is a problem that remains whether you make predictions or not, and should be addressed. CBT or 3rd wave CBT like MCT are good options

You might benefit from talking to somebody professional about this, but I'm also going to suggest an app that might at first make you feel quite anxious but I promise with use might make you deal with these thoughts more comfortably: https://www.wecroak.com/

It's self explanatory. I've used it every day for a few years now. It makes me feel far more centred, far less anxious, far more able to deal with the swells and dips of daily life. It has also made me face those fears about parents or myself becoming sick as an inevitability that can have a beauty to it. Ignoring it won't make it go away or any better, just all the more painful when it railroads into your life.

Wish you well my friend, good luck with whatever you do, but if this approach feels overwhelming, definitely consider having a chat with somebody about it.