> if i were unhappy with my life after an epiphany, i would simply act to change my situation

It's anything but simple if you're depressed. You seem to think that insight drives motivation, but in depressed people these are often decoupled. You can have all the insights you want but the motivation to do anything just does not manifest.

my post is formatted after a meme, in which the joke is the speaker is ignorant of the difficulty inherent in the suggested course of action.

it's a little tongue-in-cheek. of course changing your life is hard. but, if you are dissatisfied with your life, it is also the only solution.

The only great impulse of change I had after my trips was an intense urge to kill myself

Curiously, antidepressants can trigger suicide in suicidal people because they give them the energy to act on those impulses.

My friend was suicidal, and psilocybin was the only thing that made him go back to wanting to be alive (though the effect only lasted ~2 weeks each time).

>Curiously, antidepressants can trigger suicide in suicidal people because they give them the energy to act on those impulses.

As someone with somewhat first hand experience with this, it's not exactly "gives them the energy".

The anti-depresents I started taking worked exactly as advertised. The "problem" was I wasn't just depressed, I was also just not happy with life. Anti-depresents can get you out of a depression but they won't make you happy.

It was a bit enlightening to understand the difference between the sadness I felt and the depression but it can also make you feel more helpless when the depression lifts and you still don't really want to wake up tomorrow.

As a result of this experience, I think it's irresponsible to prescribe anti-depresents without accompanying therapy.

what, with no reason? you didn't have a why? fix the why.

It didn’t show me a why it just showed me that I want to die. Other LSD users say I should take more at a higher dosage but that seems like a bad idea

What dosage did you take? I've heard low doses can actually be a deeply frustrating experience.

100ug

you keep looking at LSD for feelings you're having while sober. examine your reasons for your feelings now. if you can't identify your own motivations, how can you attribute cause like that?

I wasn’t ever suicidal before, I was after, that’s all I know

A theory / thought experiment:

Take "it just showed me that I want to die" and unpack every single word into an absurdly and "pedantically" complex, comprehensively and perfectly correct articulation of the(?) precise meaning in this context. In doing so, use various forms of articulation, not only paragraph/narrative form.

If you are doing it right, ideally you will find yourself having to fight against your own mind at several points during the analysis.

Work on the problem for a month or six, even just two or three minutes at a time now and then. I propose that at the end of this process, you will possess more knowledge than you did before.

There are various techniques to accelerate this process, but I will let you figure those out on your own along the way. As a hint: consider various topics of discussion that arise on the website you are on.

I should probably also note: this is not necessarily a risk-free undertaking, so maybe build some safeguards into your methodology.

I have literally no idea what the hell you are talking about

Too much to ingest at once, fair enough!

"unpack the meaning of a word"...this makes sense?

Not really no

Can we agree that words have meanings?

if you are unable to identify motivations and reasons for your own actions and desires, there is certainly a more complex causal relationship here, and you probably need some assistance to discover it.

I am on a waiting list for therapy, as I said. I'm not sure what else you want from me. I have no idea why I want to die

Not all whys are known, and not all known whys are fixable.