Exactly. I can point to specific ways in which my (at the time, undiagnosed) ADHD has negatively impacted my life: I never finished my PhD because I couldn’t execute a dissertation. The coping mechanisms that had served me reasonably well during my young adulthood suddenly stopped working during the pandemic. So, I became unable to motivate myself to a deadline, which had generally been a powerful force to motivate my attention and efforts. Based on my raw intellect alone, I should have been able to contribute more substantively than I have (or, frankly, than I will ever be able to do). I feel that loss.

ADHD is a curse, and I will never be able to see it as anything but that. Am I grateful to know why I am the way that I am? Certainly. But I will never be able to get onboard with the “ADHD as superpower” line that some fellow ADHD folks have adopted. Glad they can see it that way, but if someone offered me a way to 100% cure it tomorrow, I’d take it and never look back. Getting medicated has made a difference in my life, to be sure, but I can’t imagine ever seeing this condition as a positive aspect of my identity.

Totally.

It's a curse.

I wonder how many people are jumping on the bandwagon of being ND and have actually been credibly diagnosed with ADHD?!

I'm super smart, but ADHD destroyed my schooling and I've never met my potential.

I'd start well, be ahead of the other kids by miles, and then would go totally off the rails.

It's was the same for School as it was for Work.

Relationships were also hard due to impulsiveness.

ADHD is a curse, not a super power.

High five, fellow PhD dropout. :(

> The coping mechanisms that had served me reasonably well during my young adulthood suddenly stopped working during the pandemic. So, I became unable to motivate myself to a deadline, which had generally been a powerful force to motivate my attention and efforts.

I have experienced the exact same situation (but with work)... always been motivated by well-planned deadlines, but it just... doesn't work anymore?

I'm trying to figure out why. Suspect a combination of WfH, unrelated family issues, dealing with diagnosis and past trauma, a general surge in anxiety across the board resulting in a total burnout of any motivation... just ceasing to care about anything much at all.

> High five, fellow PhD dropout. :(

High five back to you. No shame in that game. I’m mostly just glad to have learned that my issues weren’t just because I was “lazy” but because my brain just doesn’t work that way. I learned something about myself, even if it cost me a few years to learn it!

And I wish you all the best. When those coping mechanisms run out, they run out hard. My wife is an attorney, and one of her best friends at work clearly has undiagnosed ADHD. We both keep pushing her to talk to someone about it because I know the day is coming when she’s going to hit that wall, and I seriously don’t wish it on anyone. It’s bad. When it happened to me, I had no idea what was going on. I’d always been able to just get things done (albeit in absolute panic mode), and then suddenly I just wasn’t able to. Keep fighting, my friend.

> When those coping mechanisms run out, they run out hard

Oh, don't I know it.

Have switched career paths a few times because of it. About 4-5 years to ride the wave up before the crash.

Thankful for MY partner... because she's an absolute harbour in the storm. All the executive function I lack, and then more to spare. Otherwise I'd probably be homeless, imprisoned or dead.

Think I am finally dealing with it properly.

I wish you all the best on the journey. It’s a hard-as-hell place to be in, but I’m glad you have someone who can balance things out. (I’m fortunate to have the same!) But it’s still a path you have to figure out on your own, and I’m glad you’re in a good place with it now.

Same thing for me!

After a stint back in corporate management land, I had a full on nervous breakdown that almost destroyed me and my marriage.

I had one of the most enviable jobs in my field. It was a dream in my city.

I'm still not fully recovered, what ever that means, and never will be the same again really!

I guard my mental health like the Crown Jewels these days!

Which in itself isn't easy!

Personally I don't like seeing it as a regular illness. Yes it's a complication to how society wants people to function. Work 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Go to school 6 hours a day 5 days a week. Be productive in that time frame. Keep focus on given tasks.

You can take medication to adhere to these artificial expectations on how an individual should function within society. Or you can live in a way that matches your natural behavior and capabilities.

Granted, we sometimes cannot avoid having to function in the expected way so medication is helpful. But seeing it as an illness that one needs to constantly surpress just doesn't sound right to me.

It's part of my personality. I'm not proud of it. But I also certainly don't see it as something that needs to be constantly treated.

I generally agree with you. But on the other hand, my ADHD makes me way less reliable as an employee, a spouse, and a friend. I’m not sure it’s really right for me to expect people to continually bend over backwards to accommodate my disorder. My ADHD is an illness, and I don’t think that’s just because I’m expected to adhere to the norms of a neurotypical society. A world run according to ADHD norms would be an absolute nightmare to live in! I perhaps wish there was a wider and more correct understanding of the disorder (i.e., it doesn’t just affect children, it’s not only an attentional disorder, etc.), but I’m not particularly bothered by other people expecting me to adhere to social norms of timeliness, behavior, and so forth.

You put this quite well. I knew I was ADHD long ago, and just went about my life not wanting to change. And I even found a job which wasn't particularly negativley affected by it. But finally I realized how badly it was affecting my relationships with my spouse and child. I was not a reliable partner or parent. And that is what finally made me want to really understand more and try to control it better.

I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I feel the same way about it. It's not an illness, it's simply a maladaptation to the kind of world we live in.

Most milder mental disorders are probably like this; it doesn't make any sense from the evolutionary point of view that a significant proportion of the population would have largely genetic trait that is only harmful in all situations. It's just that traits like ADHD and high levels of anxiety probably were helpful - or at least not harmful - in our evolutionary context, but are not anymore.

> It's just that traits like ADHD and high levels of anxiety probably were helpful - or at least not harmful - in our evolutionary context, but are not anymore.

This. In tribal times it was an asset. A few individuals that sleep till noon and stay up all night? Who cares. When the tribe got attacked by others or wild animals they could save 100-150 peoples lives.

it's a disorder when it effects how you function and how happy you are with your life. if you can live a happy life without medication, and neurotransmitter deficiencies, kudos.

some people with physical deficiencies have no issue navigating the world, and some do. same with queer folk. same with people with ADHD. sure there's a societal aspect, but there's also relationship aspects and everything else. we don't live in a vacuum. you can't look at it from the perspective of "if we were hunter-gatherers we would be fine" because that's not the reality of the world.

and fwiw there are plenty of things one can do that are not working 8 hours a day, that are not working during 9-5, that are not focus related. you just choose not to do them, or do not find the proper opportunity.

and that's why medication exists. so people _can_ do normal things and live a normal life. the system isn't great, to be fair, and i wish it were reformed, but until the glorious proletariat uprising, i'd prefer people get the mental health they need to focus on their lives and not some fictitious idea of what may be

> You can take medication to adhere to these artificial expectations on how an individual should function within society. Or you can live in a way that matches your natural behavior and capabilities.

What if the behaviour causes pain to you? What if it's the cause of your anxiety, depression, loneliness, addiction? Because at a certain point, you need to admit that it's not that you need a life that matches your capabilities, but some help.

Would you think the same if someone were short-sighted? Should they live in a way that everything is at arms reach?

If it makes them better than other people at reading things up close, such a person could thrive in an environment that demands that. Of course, they should also be able to wear glasses when the environment demands it.

I agree. My adhd has never made me more able than anyone, but has certainly been a detriment to myself and those around me. The best I can do is not hate myself for what I evidently can’t control, and continue working to lessen the damage it does. I mean, I was diagnosed because it’s a problem. Not because I have super powers.

I think the idea of wearing it as a badge of pride is because that reflex is easier than being more honest and introspective. At the same time it might help soften the pain. If you have a disability, you are a strain on those around you. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it, but you shouldn’t be prideful either. You should be proud when you succeed against the odds and you know it took hard work, but that’s not adhd happening.

For a brief time I entertained that I should be more adhd positive. Ultimately I realized that bias is not helpful at all if it clouds my perception of how it impacts my life or those around me. For some people though, perhaps it helps lessen the burden of the common self-loathing that tends to manifest as sufferers age.

I agree that some people could choose to see the positive aspects of adhd because it's less painful, but it doesn't mean they are deluding themselves. As a startup founder I think adhd worked both for and against me. Hyperfocus, the ability to perceive constant emergencies as fun, mania, etc. Downsides were very real too; dropping out of college because it was too boring, not opening my mail on time, being late with things, being disorganized, etc. Now that I have access to medication, I see it as a net positive.

for me, it's the lateral thinking that really comes in handy. I can catch weird bugs a lot quicker, and my tenancy to yak shave has led to a pretty awesome kit of tools for every occasion.

I've managed to fix a lot of the organizational problems with a multi pronged sleep / exercise / med regimen, too. All in all, I'd call it net positive.

I can see it from that perspective as well. I’m not trying to be cynical either; I don’t doubt that in many cases, with the right support and personal growth it can absolutely be a net positive. Perhaps over time it’ll be a net positive for me as well.

Similar. I don’t understand wearing it with pride. There is no pride in it. It’s not an accomplishment. When people do this, it looks like a pre-emotive cop-out. “I’m saying to everyone I have ADHD so that if something goes wrong, I have something to blame and can also blame you if you are the authority for not giving me a pass”.

I think you're right, over the last couple years i've noticed ADHD as becoming like a hobby mental disorder. Lot's of people claim it as like something to be proud of. If you really have ADHD then you know it's an absolute miserable experience and the right medication can change you're life. I wasn't properly diagnosed until my very early 30s and I bounced around different medicine until i found the right one and dosage for me. The level of mental peace it has afforded me cannot be overstated. Anyone bragging about having ADHD doesn't have it IMO.

I have it, have had it since I was a kid, and it's moderately treatment resistant to boot, so I'm acutely aware of how much it sucks, and I wear it with pride. I don't take pride in my depression and mood disorders.

I think the big distinction, and what TFA is getting at, is ADHD actually is more like a true neurodiverty than a disorder. The dysfunction largely manifests due to the constraints in the modern world. I love making things but I hate "adulting" - bills, paperwork, keeping 9 million small things in order. Were I living in a hunter-gatherer or early agrarian society, things would be different.

I'm able to offset bad prioritization skills by being really good at breadth-first search and having a huge knowledge base from curiosity driven rabbit holes when I should be doing my "real" work. It feels much more balanced than depression, which just sucks the life out of me and reduces all aspects of quality of life across the board.

Why wear it at all? I was diagnosed last year and there are 3 people irl who know about it. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, but because I don't identify myself by it. These are my personal struggles and if something goes wrong, it's on me, not whatever illness I might have.

I also think it's irrelevant that in some perfect (historical) society ADD would be perfectly suited, because I don't live in that society. I live in the modern one and I want to be a productive part of it.

> I bounced around different medicine until i found the right one and dosage for me

How did you know you hit the mark when you found it?

I have been trying for the greater part of a decade, and I think there are only two possible explanations at this point:

1. I am one of the x% of people that medications do not work /as well/ for.

2. I have too high of expectations of the effects of the medications.

Doctors have been no help, and I do not mean that in an arrogant way. But when I ask, "how do I know if the medication and dosage is optimal?" They act like I am asking if P = NP.

Not GP, but I've commented on a few of your comments so far, so will keep going.

I still haven't repaired a few things in my life that still cause me significant stress (happy to go in-depth if you email, see bio), but I really had no idea what the medication would do until I tried it.

For me; it quietened my (extremely vocal) inner critic and therefore lowered my anxiety, and it slowed down the rapid bounce-around of my thoughts, particularly in situations where I wasn't deeply stimulated (eg I outlasted my kid playing ball for the first time ever because I stayed interested and wasn't just counting down the minutes until I could say 'okay that's enough'). And that's it.

But that means I can actually start to do the hard work of building the right habits to put some important bits of my life back on track, particularly when they'd been built wrong and have to be torn down.

I honestly think it’s probably 2. I’m on 36mg of Concerta and .2mg of Clonidine. The combo has helped with my mood regulation, working memory, attention, and (to a much lesser extent) my motivation. But it’s not a cure-all. I feel like it helps me to get to Everest base camp, but I still have to climb the damn mountain. My wife is a litigator, and I am daily made very aware of the differences in our ability to organize and execute tasks. I’ve found that medication will get you to a baseline ability to function, but it’s on you to develop the external structures that can enable actual success/productivity/etc. If you aren’t already familiar with the work of Russell Barkley, I’d highly recommend it. He emphasizes the need to create informational strategies to supplement the medication. The meds are helpful—tremendously so—but they are a starting point.

I think you are right. It's taken me many years and many bouts of trial and error to come to that conclusion.

> I feel like it helps me to get to Everest base camp, but I still have to climb the damn mountain.

I feel like I can climb the mountain most days, but I can't get to the base camp to get started. I've actually considered if there is something else lurking in the shadows like Sleep Apnea or something else? I just know I have an odd issue where no matter when I take the meds, they do not work until around 1:00/2:00 in the afternoon. I have no idea why -- maybe I need to build a base level for them to start working? Doctors think it's highly unusual, but seem to offer little to no advice past that point.

> I’ve found that medication will get you to a baseline ability to function

I will say, it does wonders for my physical hyperactive symptoms, but it does tend to make me talk faster (I've always talked fast to begin with) and I tend to want to talk more/longer. It's nice to not have to pace and bounce around all the time.

Still, I have noticed I tend to feel a bit more impatient in someways -- like I doubt I could sit down and just read a book. I'd still get bored or distracted and feel compelled to do something more stimulating as my mind tends to feel a bit overclocked.

> If you aren’t already familiar with the work of Russell Barkley

I am familiar with him. I do respect the work he has done, but I also have some qualms with him. I feel like he tends to overemphasis the effects of medication, and it feels kind of odd coming from him since according to his Wiki, "He has been a paid consultant, for pharmaceutical companies including Eli Lilly, McNeil, Janssen-Orth, Janssen-Cilag, Novartis, Shire, Takeda pharmaceuticals, and Theravance."

I do appreciate his research and opinions, and I think he means well, but just because he is the leading researcher in the field does not mean he cannot be incorrect about some things.

I am still dialing things in myself, but a few things I have noted so far. On one I was able to notice just over 8 hour after taking it every day a behavior change back to being on my phone and distracted. It meant something was working at least. And I have a few times, though definitely not regularly, where I can just sit there and be in the moment. Not thinking about work, not wanting to google some random thing I am curious about, nothing. Just there without distractions. Its rare, but I am hoping to get to that place more regularly. At least I think that's what I am supposed to be aiming for. Otherwise I am part of that #2 and have too high of expectations as well.

> On one I was able to notice just over 8 hour after taking it every day a behavior change back to being on my phone and distracted.

I still do this even while medicated. Except, it can actually worse because I can focus on distractions longer than I normally would have pre-medication.

Do you not think it affords anything at all, though? I agree that being well medicated is essential, but it's not like it makes it go away; there are for sure still differences in how I think, and when harnessed properly through meds and routine, those differences are a boon.

It's not really a brag, but I'd rather be medicated and keep a routine than lose the things that make me different as a knowledge worker. I'm a more lateral thinker than my peers, and that comes in super handy, for example.

Same, it's been nothing but a liability and to be perfectly frank it makes my daily life way more stressful than it should be.

The biggest part I don't like is the inability to ever really be 'here in the now' e.g. enjoying the moment. All these important life events just fly by me without even reacting to them it seems, and only in hindsight do I start tearing up thinking about what I missed.

ADHD like many different things are a spectrum. You can have a slight disorder or you can have a really really strong one.

I’m saying this to a level where I personally know bloodlines where men suicide is just a thing that “will happen”. Guess what is the last year’s diagnosis on that?

I live in a society where official stats says that 0.0-0.1% of population is affected and such treatment is not needed. From multiple available treatment options (where single one has around 30% efficiency) there are only 2 available. I recently heard a joke that probably full European country has at most 2 ADHD therapists. Sure maybe you’re lucky enough to get diagnosis but then you might not even be able to treat it meds unless you emigrate. That’s why pride is important - it creates advocates. Advocates creates awareness and awareness provides solutions.

As you mentioned your diagnosis there is a chance you’re sensitive to the critique (it’s often coexisting). Keep in mind that your critique is targeting exact same people like you who struggled with it and came out with pride. Don’t take that away from people.

Funnily enough people used to be proud of having gout - the disease of aristocrats.

Completely agree. I think it is just part of the general trend for people to try to attach themselves to labels in search of an identity or community - of course some labels are very readily apparent so you are kind of forced by society to identify with the label, but for a mostly invisible condition like ADHD I really don’t get it.

On a lot of ADHD communities it’s just a constant struggle session about how every problem in people’s life is because of ADHD. It’s exhausting and seems maladaptive.

That is why I think my diagnosis was a double-edged sword. It helped give me a lot of answers and closure to past traumas, but with that knowledge I think it has somewhat held me back from things I have wanted to accomplish. I have used it as a reason as to why I couldn't do something, when the reality is that ADHD wasn't what held me back, but damn was it an easy scapegoat.

My diagnosis last year was primarily a way for me to figure out how to deal with it. It gave me a framework to think inside, gave me treatment options (medical and therapeutic) and it gave me hope that my future didn't have to be as disastrous as my past. It was invaluable.

It is quite possible that some of those who "wear the diagnosis with pride" have more pronounced symptoms that are not as well addressed by the medication. In which case, they have no alternative but to wear it. Speaking from personal experience at least.

There are many who believe certain abilities they have are because of adhd rather than skills they have developed despite the disorder or plainly individual traits.