Most of us probably spend 40-45% of our waking lifetime either in the office or on our way to or from the office.

And most of us will spend 30-40 years of our lives, including all your prime years, spending that 40-45% to serve somelse's desires.

Even if you in enjoy your job, the reality is work is one of the biggest parts of our lives and wrapped up in our sense of self worth and identity.

IMHO: There is a difference between the job you do and your career. My career (programmer/software developer/software engineer/computer scientist) will last my whole life. It's something I like (I chose it) and it's something I can do on my own. It is independent from money and any material thing. It matters to me.

My job (currently: senior software engineer) is a different beast, even if it touches on aspects of my career. I do it to pay the bills. I do it in a professional way but that's all about it.

That is exactly the point - that leaves 55-60% of our waking time not working. Why let the minority of your time define your self worth and identity?

Sure, our work time serves someone else's desires... in exchange for money that we use to build the home and life that we want. Hopefully spending our time and energy with the people and family we want. Work is a tool to empower everything else. Do that work - do it well. But let the "everything else" define you.

Do you sleep? You, realistically, get only 15~20% of your waking hours to yourself. I know it goes in favor of the 'you are your job' camp, of which I am against, so what I'd say is 'choose wisely'.

> Even if you in enjoy your job, the reality is work is one of the biggest parts of our lives and wrapped up in our sense of self worth and identity.

This is true for all living beings, all animals spend a large part of their day in collecting/scavenging/hunting food, prepaing shelter etc.

> wrapped up in our sense of self worth and identity

Speak for yourself.

I can completely fail at work, go home, and sleep like a baby. Conversely, I can have an amazingly good day, enjoy it and then completely forget about it the next day.

It's just a job.

Guess it depends on your employer. Many where I am will fire you depending on your performance and very hastily so. They’ll also try to make your life miserable along the way.

`Do your work seriously, but don't take your work seriously` is the mantra that has helped me find the right work life balance.

I don't think it's that simple. Yes, you are not 100% your career/job, but to what extent are you? For many of us, it's a really big part of who we are. I would also say, if your work forms a large part of who you are, then consider starting your own business. I'm working on a platform to help people to do just that: https://cxo.industries

I'm not a woulda/coulda/shoulda kind of guy, but one of my few genuine regrets is skipping scheduled vacations for client fire drills and just generally not taking more time off in my 20s. I am thankful that my perspective changed before I lost my 30s as well.

HN certainly has a selection bias toward founders and early stage employees, but I feel very strongly that your career cannot be your sole source of meaning. Be well.

if it's any consolation I'm going through the exact opposite. In my 20s I took a year off to travel, came back and only cared about taking jobs that would give me enough flexibility to work remotely and have lots of vacation so I could travel. Now I'm in my early 30s seeing some of my peers from college making double my salary.

Big tech doesn't seem all that interested in me so I'm kind of stuck working for smaller companies. I really do enjoy my job and like the people I'm working with but doubling my salary would be life changing for me so I feel like I should have been more balanced in my 20s.

It may not feel like it now, but you did the right thing in your 20's. Those experiences you had and the memories that go with them will last you a lifetime, and you'll only appreciate them more, the older you get. You still have plenty of time to land that fat salary, even if it doesn't seem that way at the moment. Most people I know making large salaries didn't start doing so until they were older than you are now.

I ended up with the worst of both worlds, and am working my way out of the consequences now. I didn't travel at all in my twenties and worked my a* off in a low-paying field for too long before making a change in my 30's.

Agreed. The one year I took off to travel changed my life for the better. I became more comfortable socially and made friends all over the world that I try to see whenever I travel again. I found my love of rock climbing on that trip which also has proved to be a hobby that keeps me healthy and motivated to go outdoors.

It's not too late for you. Next time you switch jobs take 6 months off in between and go travel. Stay in hostels, have days where you do nothing at all, etc...

There's no guarantee you'd have double your salary now if you'd worked harder in your 20s. A lot of salary in tech is just location. A few years ago I nearly doubled my salary just by moving to a new city and taking on a new job there.

Also I love working for smaller companies even if they do pay less than big tech. The opportunity to work on greenfield projects and actually have meaningful input into the direction even as an IC is extremely cool to me.

In hindsight I would have done the "Silicon Valley University" thing and worked in SF for a year or two. Having big tech or growth startup on your resume appears to be quite important.

You could still get a startup going, it's not too late. Look into writing a SaaS for example. No matter where you are.

Thanks for offering contrasting experiences. Can you be more specific on why doubling the salary would be life changing? I read this as you're prevented from doing things that you're life can not be plentiful otherwise.

A lot wished they did more traveling like you when you where younger, but they cannot go back. Is your case a need for doubling the salary now, or can it happen through time? Would you feel the same if you had the same salary, but none of your peers were making double that?

I love the area I live in and want to buy a house. I finally had saved up enough for a downpayment in 2020... obviously we all know what happened to the housing market around then.

If I could have gotten that downpayment earlier I would have been able to buy my house. Now I need more money to buy the same house and the longer I wait I might get priced out again once I get the down payment together.

If I'm lucky there will be a crash and my dp that I saved will be enough. I prefer to focus on known entities though such as looking at levels.fyi and seeing what comparable position salaries are like right now.

If my peers were making the same amount as me I would probably not feel the same. I don't see it as jealousy because i knew the trade off I was making when I was younger. I just see it as the road I could have taken to have a house today.

FWIW, I don't necessarily regret the year I took off. It was life changing in more ways than a house would be. I just wish I wasn't as imbalanced when I came back from the trip and took my career a bit more seriously.

What's up with the fixation of travelling and having fun in the 20s? If you maintain your health you can easily postpone it to your 40s and 50s as well.

Living that long is not guaranteed.

Well you could be and be really happy about it, but if you go 100% on the job there are all the others that will go 100% in exploiting you.

That cant be right. I thought you were suppose to bring your whole self to work. And work equals you? Especially in Tech and Silicon Valley.

Unless you are suggesting to me they are wrong? Or they have been wrong for 10 years and counting?

You say that but the majority of success in our society is tied to money, especially for men. That means career.

And so what?

Enjoy your life and just be extremely rude to whoever takes exception at your choices.

Very important to keep in mind.

don't think anyone associates so much with their career, it's all for money and that's my only motivation to work

Amen!

Please share and talk to people. I'm here to listen even if I don't say anything back.

Expressing how you feel isn't "cringe", it's human.