1. Be patient. No matter what.
2. Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, not blame. Say nothing of another you wouldn’t say to him.
3. Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble than yours are to you.
4. Expand your sense of the possible.
5. Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change.
6. Expect no more of anyone than you can deliver yourself.
7. Tolerate ambiguity.
8. Laugh at yourself frequently.
9. Concern yourself with what is right rather than who is right.
10. Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong.
11. Give up blood sports.
12. Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Don’t risk it frivolously.
13. Never lie to anyone for any reason. (Lies of omission are sometimes exempt.)
14. Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.
15. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that.
16. Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun.
17. Praise at least as often as you disparage.
18. Admit your errors freely and soon.
19. Become less suspicious of joy.
20. Understand humility.
21. Remember that love forgives everything.
22. Foster dignity.
23. Live memorably.
24. Love yourself.
25. Endure.
Someone is going to need to explain to me why focussing on being happy is a bad idea. My historic view was "I'd rather chase being content and comfortable" as it's less of a sugary high and more of a stable base. However - I do not think that is what is being said here?
Maybe I'm wrong! Maybe our goals should be lofty and our own happiness tangential - but I don't buy it. If anything I think more people should think about things that make them happy, rather than focussing on abstract life goals that may or may not do that.
Related: "What is the meaning of existence? To stop searching for the meaning of existence" (paraphrased from somewhere).
I like Alan Watts' talk on 'discipline'[1]. tl;dr: "It's enormously important, especially for American people, to understand that there is absolutely no possibility of having any pleasure in life at all without skill."
[1] https://youtu.be/RNn1FB-Yn2M - put it in a background tab to avoid the silly graphics.
One clarification I would make:
> 21. Remember that love forgives everything.
We all need to remember that forgiveness does not mean acceptance, or trust, or that it means you need to interact with someone. It means that you let go of a grudge.
This is an important note that took me a while to learn - forgiving is a gift to yourself, not the person you forgive.
I have been Jesus like up until now, but that's only led me to end up with the shit end of the sick, managing people who do less than me , while making more money than me. I've been grinding so hard( for my own selfish gain) that when deadlines creep these people feel okay to slack, and turn in shit code, cuz they know me or of the other guys will pick is up. Meanwhile they get time to schmooze and work ok side degree or something and when promotions come around they get em cuz they are "more experienced" and now have better credential s.
I really think it's time to change my ways.
If however you find the same situation repeatedly at different jobs, then you're either 1) too critical, 2) your ego falsely wants to believe no one else is working as hard, or 3) would rather run your own show. Worst case scenario it's #3 because running your own show is hard, exhausting, fun, etc. and you'll never be happy working for someone else.
"Give up blood sport" - Why? Did martial arts for 10 years, helped a lot with some other points in these list, especially the self-awareness and decency (humble-ness?). Or do i misunderstand this point?
"Live memorably" - That's straight up a wall tattoo quote, isn't it? /s
I think he is suggesting not to watch blood sports, that is to say not to spend a lot of time watching a human beat up another human for your enjoyment. Considering that it's Barlow I suppose the time it was written at was one where boxing was more relished as a viewer past-time in the U.S.
Try an experiment-- count how many people you saw killed by other people in the last week across all of the media you "consumed" (include the ones where the camera cut away at the last second)
The problem is I can deliver a lot and others can't so I quite often expect more of them since I expect them to deliver as much as me.
It is required not to be unfair, while it preferable to be reasonable.
You don't need to demand people work at your level, but you do need to demand that they work at a level that they can do if you are working at a higher level.
This all goes back to all the recent posts about lazy people in offices should be allowed to be lazy and unproductive.
Sure - within reason.
on edit: the demand that they work at a level that they can do only pertains when it is a task you care about - like child rearing. If one member of a couple is not able to contribute as much but does not contribute what they can this would create a rightful and detrimental resentment.
on second edit: changed if one couple to if one member of a couple otherwise didn't make much sense.
It would be best to realize that not everyone is lazy just because they won't deliver the same ammount of work units as you. We are all different, with different needs and handicaps.
1. Be patient. No matter what.
14. Learn the needs of those around you and respect them.*
1. Be patient. No matter what. 2. Don’t badmouth: Assign responsibility, not blame. Say nothing of another you wouldn’t say to him. 3. Never assume the motives of others are, to them, less noble than yours are to you. 4. Expand your sense of the possible. 5. Don’t trouble yourself with matters you truly cannot change. 6. Expect no more of anyone than you can deliver yourself. 7. Tolerate ambiguity. 8. Laugh at yourself frequently. 9. Concern yourself with what is right rather than who is right. 10. Never forget that, no matter how certain, you might be wrong. 11. Give up blood sports. 12. Remember that your life belongs to others as well. Don’t risk it frivolously. 13. Never lie to anyone for any reason. (Lies of omission are sometimes exempt.) 14. Learn the needs of those around you and respect them. 15. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that. 16. Reduce your use of the first personal pronoun. 17. Praise at least as often as you disparage. 18. Admit your errors freely and soon. 19. Become less suspicious of joy. 20. Understand humility. 21. Remember that love forgives everything. 22. Foster dignity. 23. Live memorably. 24. Love yourself. 25. Endure.