I think you're conflating the migrant issue with the remote worker issue.

Migrants have most of the issues you talk about; they're not close to their family networks, don't particularly feel that their current location is home, and where they came from certainly isn't home either.

I did remote work from my home town for a few years, for a US company. The biggest issues for me were not being plugged in to the internal politics of the company - water-cooler conversations and occasional chats after a few drinks don't happen; and not developing a network of local engineers who moved on to other companies, somewhat limiting my career options.

I've since moved out of my home country, and work in the office. I have a different set of problems also in common with what you list, specific to migration.

It's really common, migrant or not.

Just because you have family around doesn't mean you see them every week.

This becomes a huge problem if you don't get any social contact at work, even if you don't thrive in that environment I'd say that it is a necessity for the vast majority of people.

Even for introverts that thrive alone.

Could be a bigger problem for migrants but doesn't has to be.

I know enough people without any family left or only one person left with relatives without a bond.

Are you me?

Some of my personal anecdotes going through the exact same circumstances (I'm also currently applying for dual US/Irish citizenship):

1) I hate working out. I don't want to do it. But when I do, I feel momentously better afterwards. I have not worked out consistently in the last 12 mo.

2) I hate cooking and cleaning up after cooking. I don't want to do it. But when I do, I feel better afterwards. I have not done significant amounts of home cooking in the last 12 mo.

3) Despite being a severely introverted individual I've become the person to push for more outings within my (small) social group. And I feel better afterwards.

4) I've gained about ~20 lbs in the last 12 mo.

5) I am tremendously comfortable with my current remote work and decent salary but I am not at all happy in a general sense

6) I worry my career is stagnating as I near my 2 year mark in this role. Hearing about the salaries my colleagues are getting at other companies contributes to

7) I've been using Tinder for casual dating. Recently I realized I really, really, don't want to use a Match Group product as the cornerstone of my dating life so now I'm trying to do it in more "natural" ways, but due to the above I find myself not being a great candidate.

Overall, working remotely has contributed greatly to a sense of depression and anxiety I carry almost every day. However I've been dealing with it long enough that I think I have a good sense of it, I'm doing better these past few months then the rest of the year combined and have clear goals (like the working out) that will help me do better.

I hope these points aren't too candid, I just figured many in this community could be going through the same things and hearing a shared story would help.

I know it's easier said than done, but you can't rely on work alone to make you happy. You have to take that task on yourself. I would even go so far to say you shouldn't even rely on your spouse to make you happy. They should complement you.

I would also say that you have to embrace the biggest benefit of remote work - personal agency. Most remote workers I know (myself included) can for the most part work when we want to work. I can workout at 10am or go train BJJ at 9:30am. Instead of having to shape my day around work, I can shape work around my day. The personal agency aspect is the biggest benefit for me, and one that I would be hard pressed to ever give up at this point.

BTW, working from home should make it much easier to maintain the weight you want since healthy food options should be easier at home. WFH means I can throw some chicken and veggies on the grill at lunch for a healthy and cheap meal.

This is exactly why i will never work in an office again.

  - I wake up when i want (thou without fail earlier then when i had a commute to dread)
  - i can make a nice coffee/breakfast while getting some work done
  - i work out every day, sometimes multiple times because i can pop to a class by my home whenever i want
  - i often take days off to climb or snowboard/shift my work into the evening
  - seeing friends is easier than ever as i can be social on their schedule
  - i don't always take vacation to travel and explore as i can work from anywhere
  - assuming a generously short commute of 30 min plus 15 min to get ready/unpack on either end thats at least 1.5 hours a day back to do whatever i want with

I am the OP on this thread, and I totally agree with you (and almost everyone else who has replied).

There are massive perks to working remotely and I will never (hopefully), ever have to work in an office and commute again.

You have to be extremely disciplined, and have a company that knows how to set requirements properly.

If you have that, and you know exactly what needs to be done, and when it needs to be done by, then you are set.

Do it, and then do whatever else you want. Wake up whenever, take a 3 hour lunch break, it doesn't matter.

I worked 4 hours this Sunday AM because I had nothing else to do and I wanted to get progress done on my current task.

This is the proper way to work, especially so for software engineers, where everything can be done 100% the same remotely as it can be done in an office.

I'm not saying you're wrong, but you can get these benefits from a FAANG-type company (though like you said, presuming a short commute). I'm personally planning to do working holidays in other countries every so often.

I’m not sure I’d want to work for a FAANG company thou.. and honestly no commute is the best, 5% or more of my day back, every work day? Yes please

And that's obviously your choice. I personally chose this path since I'm at the beginning of my career - maybe I'll give remote working a shot one day! However, nothing seems worse to me right now than mixing home and work life. Physically separating them gives me a mental barrier between them.

BTW, commutes aren't 'fun', but it gives me a chance to read/reply to my emails, plan my day, or do some reading, so on balance I do save non-negligible time.

I deeply agree, but dynamic scheduling can have a strong negative affect of causing you to always stay in "work-mode". If I spend my mornings doing errands, cooking, or hitting the gym, I may end up working well into the evening up to the point just before I fall asleep. Or more likely, I shave hours from my "work-week" working about 6 hours a day, and find myself working throughout the weekend without any "mental rest".

I think humans have always struggled with finding ways to be happy in whatever circumstances they are provided, and remote work and the new global economy are going to force us (through some struggle) to figure out the best ways for ourselves to get on.

Ultimately as I mention in my original post it's about self-discipline and structure to do what you know will make you happy, but strangely that can be pretty hard.

The only real piece of advice I have for changing those things is committing to it. Losing weight is a good place to start, it has easily observable results and you can go at your own pace. I lost 20kg in 6mo when I started travelling, it was my first "change my life" goal and it made it a lot easier to start on other things that I hoped would be beneficial for me long-term - like finally starting on getting my teeth fixed despite my fear of dentists.

Finding the first win helps a ton. :)

You're not alone here. Pretty much the same boat. USA-ian in a different country working remotely. Going on ~5 years now.

I can definitely echo the sentiments about gaining weight, working out, cooking, and depression and anxiety. I've got a grasp on the issues, and I could probably "make it work" for a while longer, but I'm old enough and at a point in my career where "make it work" is a lazy cop-out; I can afford to push for "good" or even "great", and feel like I should. But long term remote work just kills inertia.

Working out: If possible I highly advise finding a workout partner. I lift weights with a (now-ex) co-worker, and it makes the workout significantly more enjoyable, and provides motivation to keep me going, even on days he can't make it (don't want to fall behind!).

Alternatively, consider a class. A dance class can be great for both 1 & 7 (note: don't be that guy who hits on every woman in your class, no one likes that guy), but it could be anything, martial arts, gymnastics/ninja warrior, racketball, etc.

> I hate doing a healthy thing. I don't want to do it. But when I do, I feel momentously better afterwards.

Ah yes, that's familiar.

Choose some hobbies and find some local community supporting them. Engage in lessons around them, or offer lessons yourself. It doesn't matter where, but do not wait for things to happen, make them happen.

While not always considered a hobby, I think social groups are forming around group exercise more often now. It's healthy, you get a little shared suffering in, and you meet a whole cross section of your community you may not meet otherwise.

I'd love to see more around helping people choose hobbies. My problem is finding ones I can sink my teeth into and be passionate about. But coming across those is finding a needle in a haystack.

Let me attempt to draw you a pyramid of home location needs:

5. Political situation - not a warzone? Not under sharia? Very democratic, or key to world issues you consider important?

4. Climate - no tundra/sahara? Would you benefit from living near the sea?

3. Food - is the local food edible? Is the local food cheap, including the restaurants? Or is it just very good?

2. Access to nature - do you want to try mountain ranges? Forests? A kind of people you like having around? If I feel disconnected from the city, I just use the public utilities more: coffee, beer, parks and benches for reading on. Not quite collecting mushrooms in the forest but I'm getting there.

1. Culture and language - any cultures you want to learn about? New languages? What would bring your personal and professional development in harmony?

Good luck!

P.S.: The Netherlands are decent. Everything is very "duidelijk", clear, and direct. People don't mind speaking English and speak it well. Weather is mild, can be a bit rainy but not half as bad as Britain. Housing aplenty for a programmer's salary. Consider visiting for a week or so if it peaks your interest.

Come live in Tasmania. We double-tick the top 4 on that list imho

Tried to live in the Oz after a working holiday visa! None of you all wanted to sponsor me -- and I had professional creds. Applied everywhere too.

AWS/Amazon Australia still send me recruiting emails occasionally.

I've been in Tasmanian for 6 years now, without a doubt the best place I've lived in, of the handful of places I've lived in Australia.

Contact email in my profile.

> I can live wherever I want, but I don't know where I want to live! I can even move to Europe as I am a dual US/Irish citizen, but I don't know where I would want to go in Europe!

I'm in a very similar situation.

I can work from basically anywhere. For the first year of fully remote work, I moved all over my country. During the second year, I went abroad and spend 3ish months in several nearby countries.

Now I'm entering year 3 and I'm miserable. Having freedom to live anywhere makes the place I choose feel like it's "wrong" in some way.

Same. It was glorious for 2 years. Now going on ~5 years remote it's lonely and isolating. I can go anywhere... but where?

If available, I strongly urge you to find a local coworking center that focuses on community (ie. not WeWork or a similar executive office relabeled as coworking). Try poking around on https://coworking.org/visa or https://wiki.coworking.org/w/page/29303049/Directory.

I've been full-time remote for my entire software development career and have happily taken advantage of it for occasional travels and such, but for the most part live in one place and love the community that I've plugged into. Finding a place where I'm surrounded every workday by people that I get along with rather than sitting at home with my dog and my computer has been totally integral to that.

Wait, a coworking center is a place you share with people who aren't your actual coworkers because you wanted to work remotely? Man, this new economy is out of sync.

I get that you're being flippant, but yeah, it does sound a little strange at first blush: work remotely, but without working from home?

The secret is that spending all your time alone actually sucks for a lot of people (and for those whom it doesn't, great! Working from home may serve you well).

It so happens that coworking strikes a good balance for many of us. My location and that of my employer are fully decoupled, and my coworkers don't have any overlapping office politics. When I change jobs, I don't stop seeing my friends. It's pretty ideal.

I would love to move to an area where I can afford a proper piece of land.

The chances to find modern and interesting companies there is very unrealistic.

Put there an co-working office and there will be fast internet and social noise.

I've been traveling a lot lately to figure out whether I'd want to move. Currently in Denmark which is great in all sorts of ways except the weather. I really hope I can move to South Europe at some point.

Unfortunately I don't work remote, but if I did, I'd just cancel my apartment lease, put my things in storage and travel around the world and live out of hotels for a year to find out what I want.

I tried this but it didn't work for me. was very lonely. travel gets old quick for me. The 7th church and 14th museum is just not that interesting. Traveling once in a while works better for me.

I also didn't find out what I want.

Everyone is different so I hope it works for you.

I started remote-working in 2016 and, for the first year, I pretty much did what you're saying. After moving around, I settled back in London (I'm not originally from the UK) for its professional environment. Working remotely makes it difficult to maintain professional network, but that gets easier if you live in a busy city -- frequent events and opportunities to network, but more importantly, a higher density of people working in your field. I still spend quite a bit of time outside of the UK (especially in the winter months), but as a "home" or HQ, I'll still pick the busier city. It's also not that bad when you don't need to commute and you find a neighbourhood with enough of a community culture. I really don't get as stressed as I used to be when I had to take the tube every weekday.

Man, so much of what you write resonates with me, and quite much matches some of my current questions or ponderings.

I would love to be able to meet a few people in similar situations around a bonfire, and chat like friends. Perhaps we'd come away with some insights; otherwise, we'd have at least enjoyed the company of a few new friends and some warm fire light.

> I can live wherever I want, but I don't know where I want to live!

May I suggest picking up a outdoor hobby and living near a place that enables it.

Since winter is coming up. How about skiing and colorado. I promise you mountains will lift your sprits up, life problems seem so meaningless in mighty mountains.

> May I suggest picking up a outdoor hobby and living near a place that enables it.

OP here ... I used to be a competitive snowboarder, but that was many years ago.

Now I am pretty out of shape from sitting in front of computers for decades, but that's my own fault for not taking care of myself. It is funny you mention this though, because I currently live about 20 minutes from a ski resort and was thinking about a season pass to get back into it.

Me too, having moved half way across Canada to get a bit of a quieter home, far from where cost of living was spiralling out of control. (Vancouver BC - and it is for everyone there, pretty much).

Oh I have a family and have set up house, and that helps a lot. I'm still finding community and roots and trying to remember what I like doing when not working .. but I already know I like working with hands so that helps direct me some already. so I'm slowly teaching child sewing (as I slowly remember how to, myself).

Try The Netherlands. Great infrastructure, relaxed people, OK'ish weather, many many innovative IT companies, beautiful nature as well as cities.

You gotta “make” home. You don’t feel it out somewhere.

Have you ever considered that if you move to some less developed parts of EU, while retaining your salary (and likely reducing taxes), you can basically retire in several years? This is something most people in the world would dream of.

The ideal remote work situation to me would revolve around the ability to travel, want to go to Hawaii for two weeks? No big deal. People who talk about using a remote job to move to X city seem a bit detached from reality in my opinion.

As someone who has this flexibility, it's expensive and not that fun to go work in a hotel in a strange city for a couple weeks. I'd rather have a week off to ignore work and immerse myself

I've done this, and it isn't great. It's not quite the "vacation" type experience you'd think it is.

You still have to do work. So yes, you can fly to Hawaii for two weeks, pay for flights, hotel bills, meals, none of which are reimbursed because these are not corporate expenses we're talking about.

And then you stay in the hotel or somewhere else plugged in for a long time to do the actual work they are paying you for.

And then maybe go do something in Hawaii for a few hours.

This hasn't been my experience. You just need something worthwhile to do. I love to surf and play traditional Irish music. So I took a month long trip alone to Ireland in the winter time / off season. Spent every day surfing, cooking, playing music in the pubs, and working. I had a blast. Figure out how to get the most out of someplace and go somewhere that's meaningful to you. Post up in one spot that's quiet and where you can focus and you'll likely have a good time.

shrug each to their own, i really enjoy going to another city and grabbing an airbnb for a couple weeks. Work at coffee shops overlooking the ocean, grab lunch somewhere, explore some sites, checkout hawaii, then get some work done in the evening.

It's definitely not the same experience off taking a week off, which i also enjoy but usually reserve for camping/backcountry trips.

Working while traveling is not for everyone though. Remote can mean many different things.