I pulled on that intellectual thread and learned that this is exactly what you would expect based on the research. Achieving your goals only achieves short-term happiness, and if you base your happiness on that, eventually you are going to reach a goal that stops your happiness dead.
You have to find the things that make you happy, and none of them have a long-term impact. They are the things you can do to maintain a consistent level of happiness, if you put in the consistent work. For me, the biggest impact on my happiness is regular meditation and regular exercise. Research also supports gratitude journaling and philanthropy. Simple. But NOTHING has a long-term impact.
To reiterate, the things that work are the things that give you a little boost of happiness every day, and if you find the right ones you can get to a level that is good for you through constant maintenance.
This doesn't mean achieving your goals is unimportant. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a dogged persistence when it comes to achieving goals. But I don't expect them to make me happy. The key is to recognize that your goals reflect your values, the things you believe are important whether or not you expect them to make you happy.
Purchase your happiness separate from your goals, it's much cheaper that way.
The word "happy" is related to luck and chance -- like 'happenstance' -- and used to mean something like "fortunate." [see 'Hamlet' - "We are happy in that we are not overhappy... on Fortune's cap we are not the very button..."] Whereas lately, it's come to indicate an emotional state somewhere in the vicinity of joy. Even so, the word's earlier use points up something key about high emotional states : they are fleeting and fickle, just like the strumpet Fortune.
For my part, I think that if I'd heard more about contentedness as a goal in my formative years, and less about happiness , the hedonic treadmill would have been much easier to avoid -- or, at least, consciously manage.
Being economically secure including heath insurance and living below your means cuts out some major issues, but beyond that has minimal benifit.
Partners / children can be a boost or stress point depending on the person, but loneliness is an almost universal drag. Thus seek and maintain positive friendships.
Heath is somewhat up to the whims of fate, but a heathly diet, good sleeping habits, and minimal exercise can maximize what you have to work with.
I'm currently around 20% bodyfat. I eat healthy, drink when thirsty, sleep 7.5-9 hours, walk/bike as much as transport and do "convict conditioning" workouts 3 days a week. Outside of that, I don't "workout" but I am active in chores, hiking, etc.
All my friends are extremely invested in fitness and all sub-15% bodyfat. I am very disciplined but I try to focus more on nutrition than fitness (I cheat too much!).
I'd love more insight and if you had studies on this I'd love to learn more about efficient/minimal exercise.
If you're consistent and do intense aka 75-85 max heart rate at least once for 30 minutes per week that makes a real difference over time. Lower intensity requires a lot more because the body needs to adapt to stress.
Traditionally you see stuff like : http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/HealthyLiving/PhysicalActivity... and people say I don't have time for that. But studies find meaningful change happens at under 1/2 their recommended levels.
If you're saying something was "fantastic" but really it was average, wouldn't that disconnect make you feel like you /should/ be happier than you really are? Maybe you'd wonder if there's something wrong with you when really it's just an inaccuracy. I think it makes sense that social media culture at the moment would cultivate that since you want everything to seem way better than it really is. Not that humans don't have a tendency to do this stuff regardless.
It's something I think about from time to time and this post reminded me of it.
- pursuing life goals no/yes
- being happy no/yes
Some people just live their lifes and are simply happy, don’t pursue any goals at all. Then other people pursue goals without being happy. Of course being in the top quadrant is optimal, but many people decide to optimize for one axis only. I realized that I’m in the bottom left...
- one has money and success and other things that meet the personal criteria of a good life.
- one has none of the problems related to poverty and failure and frustration and health issues.
Feelings are triggered by hormones and the nervous system.
E.g. panic attacks are related to too much epinephrine (adrenaline).
Quote from the article: “My life just changed so fast,” Elle Mills said in a video from May 18. “My anxiety and depression keeps getting worse and worse. I’m literally just waiting for me to hit my breaking point.”
I guess being creative on youtube also means (too) much physical and emotional stress for some people. Especially for those who already suffer from anxiety and/or depression.
Dramatic change or lack of change despite efforts is also stressful.
I've found the best way for me to keep a steady-state of contentedness, sprinkled with joy almost every day, is to truly love my fellow man. I wouldn't consider that exactly philanthropy though, and philanthropy only helps when one has a basis of love for everyone (even for people who openly do 'wrong', or who go against your personal values). Along with that, this love must be freely given to individuals, and not just felt when contemplating mankind generally (it's easy to love mankind, but it's not so easy to love that guy over there).
It's hard work to find that kind of love for everyone and it needs constant maintenance, but once you know how to maintain it, it changes everything. Forgiveness is easier, empathy is automatic, and everyone else's joy and accomplishments become yours. It also gives a sense of freedom, which I suspect comes from not being boxed-in in one body and one sense of self because you have the opportunity to feel things through others, and to connect to others simply by passing them by on the street and noticing that, yes, you love that one too.
There are a few other things as well, though love for men is the biggest. These are: appreciation of beauty in all things, appreciation of beauty in nature (especially contemplating how dynamic nature is), and a creative outlet that is personal.
Got me thinking that these are important but to an extent only, basic human life is what makes you (only me?) happy. Smooth schedule and smooth people interactions...
It is a little shocking finding out that well, no, I can be unhappy even working in my dream job. I am not always going to be comfortable. There are going to be things that I have to face that don't coincide with the reality of my childhood.
It's okay though. You're going to be unhappy and uncomfortable. I don't think it would be normal to be happy all the time. There are people who have it harder and who make it through.
Some things have a universal comfort - I think a lot of times with my generation that a universal comfort is nostalgia. For me personally, it's going outside, breathing in the air, and just appreciating nature.
I think philanthropy should come naturally... I get a sense (especially here) that people are "outrage philanthropic" where they get overwhelmed by the state of society rather than focusing with a smaller more profound contribution. Even charity organizations sometimes seem disconnected. I think there are a lot of spontaneous, mundane things that can be done that help people and it doesn't have to be all about appearances or some preconceived notion of philanthropy.
> For me personally, it's going outside, breathing in the air, and just appreciating nature.
For me that has been the most important part and the reason I cannot live in cities anymore; whenever stuck or stressed, I hike up a mountain or through a forest. It solves everything; it is exercise but it also shows that my stressors do no matter in any scheme of things. If I am stuck in some code issue, I will not be after I am done walking.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill
We have a strong tendency to revert to our internal happiness set point, in the face of success or failure. So the trick is to learn to change that set point, which mostly doesn’t depend on things outside ourselves.
There's no guarantee to that - no universal right.
Dunno, I fell into Existentialism before I dropped out of whatever pointless liberal arts state university I was needlessly going to. They had a good library, so I guess I owe them that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
Spoiler: It is a former CS professor at Carnegie Mellon named Randy Pausch. He had terminal pancreatic cancer. This is a dying professor's last lecture. It is a father sharing life lessons for his kids when they are older to watch.
Some relevant quotes:
- “As you get older, you may find that 'enabling the dreams of others' thing is even more fun.”
- “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”
- “The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. ”
- “Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.”
- “People are more important than things.”
for me the conclusion was a rather grim Ecclesiastical one.
Stoicism seems to me 'making the best of bad situation' still we are doomed and doomed soon.
What difference is there between stoicism and fatalism?
Offside: If you are a conscripted soldier in 1940 Soviet army, ordered to march against a machine gun nest in Finland where do you get your solace?
The Finnish soldiers were amazed(and developed PSTD) how consigned to their fate the advancing Soviet soldiers were despite wave and wave of them being gunned down.
Same goes for a situation like in Boethius Consolation of Philosophy and The Last Lecture.
They are screwed and you can delude yourself into thinking things are great.
This applies very generally to human nature, people think that there's some magic thing that if only they get that, things will be awesome. In reality, you will very quickly normalize that away.
An 18 year old with a clapped out Renault Clio is happier about that than Mr Jones is about his Jaguar. We lose the ability to be happy with things that once made us happy.
What I've realised is that we only sense change. A positive change is good, a negative change is really bad, and staying constant is nothing at all. Just like in physics. Constant is constant no matter the absolute level.
My personal goal is to regularly introduce small positive changes in my life, avoid big changes, and resist expanding to fill my means so that (hopefully) I won't have to endure negative change. It's working pretty well so far. My outgoings are a fraction of some of my friends and yet I'm just as, if not more, happy with what I have.
That's why people in vastly differing situations can both be happy, because it's a subjective function of how much meaning you have in your life. Having a purpose lets you battle through depressing lows and accomplish great deeds and still remain fulfilled. Otherwise it's just a chase for the next big thing, and while that can be fun for a bit, it also leaves you empty and lost.
When you're middle class or poor and not influential, the people around you are a relatively normal sample of the human population and they have a balance of positive and negative qualities but they're mostly genuine individuals.
As you become wealthier or more influential, new people come along who are increasingly greedy, selfish and scheming.
Then this becomes your new reality and that's why you feel unhappy. Your social connections are often entertaining and outwardly pleasing but on a deeper level they're mostly unfulfilling.
The chase was better than the kill. So why not just chase? Because the chase anticipated the kill. Now what?
Elon Musk is an interesting case.
The key is not to feel good about the accomplishments themselves, but about getting there. If getting there does not make you happy, then it might be the wrong accomplishment you are after.
More generally, this is about systems being preferable over goals.
"Unfortunately for the hedonist, constant pleasure-seeking may not yield the most actual pleasure or happiness in the long run—or even in the short run, when consciously pursuing pleasure interferes with experiencing it."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_hedonism
John Stuart Mill: "Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so."
I think that most people who judge themselves by their accomplishments will run into this at some point. You'll get there, only to find out that there is no 'there' there.
Philanthropy seems like it might help. It can feel fundamentally impossible to be happy or content, when you mix a demanding always-on schedule with the very human desire to always be looking for more. But we also live in a world where many people never even have the opportunity to pursue happiness, and what about their hopes and dreams?
It is vicariously rewarding to see someone else learn how to do something and get excited by their newfound talent. And every hour of your time that you donate is an hour that you don't have to spend under the pressures of your audience or your thoughts.