San Francisco Onion Futures Company

Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by a11ce on Saturday September 19, 2026 @01:18AM (#49763552)

Hi! I'm the proprietor of onionfutures.com. I'm actually not a member of UChicago for Our Futures and came up with the idea independently, but we've since connected and they handle our Chicago deliveries.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by teaearlgraycold on Saturday September 19, 2026 @02:06AM (#49763808)

I can confirm this person is the owner of onionfutures.com

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by mcint on Saturday September 19, 2026 @05:34AM (#49764881)

I can confirm this person can confirm a11ce is the owner of onionfutures.com

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by jeffrallen on Saturday September 19, 2026 @08:26AM (#49766004)

I can confirm that these people are silly.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by brookst on Saturday September 19, 2026 @09:34AM (#49766490)

[citation needed]

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by what on Saturday September 19, 2026 @01:35AM (#49763633)

Are you really charging $9/onion? I get upset when Safeway charges $2/lb when I can get onions for a quarter that price.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by a11ce on Saturday September 19, 2026 @02:26AM (#49763918)

Yes, it's primarily a novelty/art thing. But I do actually deliver the onions. Prices vary.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by rsync on Saturday September 19, 2026 @04:44PM (#49769967)

"Yes, it's primarily a novelty/art thing."

If you're going to do this with your life you have to believe that you're necessary - and you are - everyone wants to drive their fancy cars and their big fucking houses they can't afford they need you - you're necessary.

The only reason any of this works is (you) have (your) hand on the scale in their favor. (You) take it away, everything gets really fucking fair, really fucking fast - and don't no one want that.

They want all of the things (you) have to give them and .... then they want to pretend they don't know where it came from.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by luma on Saturday September 19, 2026 @01:48AM (#49763698)

Priced to what the market can bear

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by IncreasePosts on Saturday September 19, 2026 @02:03AM (#49763788)

Maybe it's a really big onion

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by bryanrasmussen on Saturday September 19, 2026 @03:24AM (#49764201)

maybe it tastes more oniony than most onions, these onions are the essential onions of which other onions are mere shadows.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by dcuthbertson on Saturday September 19, 2026 @04:54AM (#49764662)

It's the mischief caused by shadow onions lurking in dark corners of the market bins that make me cry.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by dgellow on Saturday September 19, 2026 @06:56AM (#49765408)

“We are selling to willing buyers at the current fair market price”

https://youtu.be/wYlptbR0Dkw

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by doughecka on Saturday September 19, 2026 @07:58AM (#49765816)

I read that in his voice.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by sklargh on Saturday September 19, 2026 @01:36PM (#49768543)

I give the scene to really junior people as the most realistic depiction of how to survive hammered in a late night high stakes meeting.

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Re:San Francisco Onion Futures Company by divbzero on Saturday September 19, 2026 @11:42AM (#49767469)

“You will never sell anything to any of those people ever again.”

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