According to his bio he's 24. There is a lot he doesn't know. Hopefully he will be a little more careful in the future about stepping into emotional minefields like this.
And he didn't -advise- you, he asked why you -didn't- do that.
Of course, assuming bad faith and then using his age as an argument as to why your knee jerk reaction was ok apparently is also an option - but not up to your usual standard. I think perhaps the 'emotional minefield' part is crucial here, and next time you should step away for that hour before replying at all.
I certainly did that.
Of course, assuming bad faith and then using his age as an argument as to why your knee jerk reaction was ok apparently is also an option - but not up to your usual standard. I think perhaps the 'emotional minefield' part is crucial here, and next time you should step away for that hour before replying at all.
In this case stepping away for an hour would not have helped. Because with a strong emotional frame in my head, I had no path from there to seeing any other reaction. It was going to take someone else, in this case you, to show me another possible way to frame it. I'll need to take time to digest that fact before I try to figure out how to avoid responding that way in the future.
Thank you for your helpful response. I'm sorry that I had the reaction that I did. These things happen with humans. Some days more easily than others. Some humans more easily than others.
PS: Ironically, knowing a few successful startup founders is one of the most normal things about my social circle.
LATE EDIT WAIT WAIT I CALL THAT BUSINESS MODEL FOR YC'S13
I look forward to your application to YC regarding this modest proposal with great interest.
You're welcome, that was what I was hoping for.
> I'm sorry that I had the reaction that I did.
Reacted emotionally because of care for your family and then did your best to be more logical about it when given a chance to do so? I'm not sorry, and I'd anticipate their not being sorry either.
(a slightly gratuitous additional reframing perhaps, but one I think deserves to be given voice)
There is a difference between "whoa, seriously?" and "whoa, seriously? if that's so, then why aren't you swimming in money?". The former is ok, the latter is generally given to people who tell you that they speak with Elvis or they can travel freely to the future and back.
We disagree on what "clearly" means. Because to me it was not clearly a light hearted comment. At best, it was an ill thought out and dismissive one.
At best, it was somebody who doesn't know what it's like to know that your partner and kid(s) are depending on you to make things work - somebody who doesn't know what it's like to see your disposal income cease to exist and be basically happy about that fact.
At best, it was somebody who doesn't understand that 'choosing between something for yourself and savings' and 'choosing between something for your family and savings' are a very, very different thing.
He's 24. He hit an emotional button. But the button is yours, and you shouldn't expect him to've been able to tell it was there; I wasn't particularly surprised by your response once I'd read it but I really didn't expect you to jump up and down on his head like that either.
He was asking whether you could support your family and, slowly, put away enough money to take a startup shot as well. The answer is apparently 'no'. You could just have said that.
Why not skimp and save for a few years worth of survival and take a shot at one of these companies so that you have the financial cushion to give the college try and move on if you have to?
I tell you what.
Why don't you get married. Pay for your wife's medical school. Have 2 kids. Discover what full-time high-quality child care costs. Have your wife get injured and have to leave residency. Have her get better, only to get in a bad car accident. Have her recover from that, only to go into another very intensive residency (no money, tons of time).
After a few years of being a primary breadwinner and effectively a single parent under very stressful circumstances, I'll get someone to make a comment like this to you in a public forum, just so you can understand what it feels like.
Does that answer your question?
People have lives. They are not always as simple as they look like they should be on paper. If someone indicates that their life has had complications, the polite thing to do is to take what they chose to share at face value and move on. There is often more to the story than you really want to know.
You have a social circle where founding a startup and eventually making millions is a regular occurrence? Outside of the bay area? Can I be your friend?
Obviously you don't believe me.
Yes, my social circle does include the founders of companies like ZipRecruiter and Campus Explorer. Those were founded in Santa Monica, which is indeed outside of the Bay area.
And no, you can't be my friend. I don't like people who are acting like assholes to me.