I physically cringed reading it. The intention is great but if I was his kid those cards would be staying in my backpack. Making a kid stand out like that is risky as fuck for social standing.

But this is likely the worst forum in the world to talk about typical social skills.

An honest attempt from a social adult to develop a sense of community is far from cringe. Reasonably speaking, its actions like that which can actually make socialization happen. If the old way wasn't working, so try something else.

My reaction is my reaction. A cringe is involuntary. Your reaction is equally valid and way more mature.

We are talking about school kids here though please remember.

How is this any different than a post-it note with your home phone number on it? It also solves the problem of trying to not knowing your kid’s friend’s parents’ names.

How are you communicating your contact information to your kids friends parents in a non-cringe way?

If handing them a piece of paper with my number is too cringe, I'd be really happy to have a non-cringe, non-standout (?) way of doing that.

Does your kid know your phone number?

The older one, yes. The younger one, no. So I do the cringe method of writing my information down.

But I didn't realize that it was "risky as fuck" and making my kids "stand out" so much to have my contact information on some paper to give to their closer friends. I must be way more socially inept than I thought. (I guess my eldest must be too, because she thinks handing a card to a friend is convenient.)

So please, if you have some method that is roughly the same level of convenience but not "risky as fuck", I'm all ears.

> contact information on some paper

Is not the same as handing your dad’s business card around to your friends (and is a borderline disingenuous way of summing it up, business cards have business implications i.e., formal implications it’s kinda in the name of them, kids aren’t business people aren’t used to using them socially like you might and don’t see it as a scrap of paper) if you can’t see that then yes I agree with your conclusion on your social skills.

Hey let me give you my mom’s number or add her on Facebook / instagram (how old are these kids by the way?) is not the same as handing out and having handy your moms/dads business cards.

It just isn’t.

It ain’t rational and yes technically they are ‘both pieces of paper’ but the vibe is simply different.

It ain’t cool. It comes across as desperate and forced and it’s embarrassing as a result.

The tone of your reply intimates anger at my responses, that’s unfortunate but I stand by it.

>Is not the same as handing your dad’s business card

It's my general contact information on business card stock.

Maybe it's a regional thing, but when I read the comment, I just assumed they meant "business cards" in the general sense. Like how there are "joke business cards" that say "yes I'm tall, the weather is fine", etc.

Mine are business card size, on business card paper, made on a business card generation website. It simply says my name, my number, and my email.

>The tone of your reply intimates anger at my responses

Yes, I think it is wild to say that it is "cringe" and "risky as fuck". The dude just wants his kids to play with some friends. It seems to be working for everyone involved.

I feel way more stupid litigating this over comments on the internet mid-day during the week than I would handing out business cards with my full business information on it, to be honest. Parents get so much flak on the internet for normal ass things, it's crazy. Say a little off-hand comment about how you're trying to get your kids to have a good social life and people come out of the woodworks to call you cringe.

Social risk is real. You have derailed this by applying it to your different situation but have taken on the emotional offense.

Giving your work business card to your kids is different than writing your number down. Again. For the fourth time.

Do you get it now?

It is social risky whether you like it or not and getting angry and offended on other grown adults behalf, again making it about you when it wasn’t when you don’t even do that.

Also it doesn’t work. He was literally complaining that it doesn’t work. We aren’t talking about you.

And he literally states there is a class list of numbers all parents have anyway! So there we go, does your mom have my number, yes she has all the numbers on the list, well give her my business card because I like to be the nail that gets hammered down.

>Giving your work business card to your kids is different than writing your number down. Again. For the fourth time.

Do you get it now?

You must have skipped over the entire middle of my comment.

>making it about you

It's a conversation on a public forum, I do more or less the same thing, I'm chiming in with my experience, yes.

But this is obviously unproductive. You're right that I'm defensive over it, which is probably a sign for me to step back.

>Also he literally states there is a class list of numbers all parents have anyway!

Side note, but my kids have friends in other classes and I'm not allowed to see those class lists because my kid isn't in the class. I know, I know, I'm making it about me again. But, perhaps there are similar rules elsewhere.

I actually like the idea here. When I was a kid it was always give the landline number of the friend's house, or it's in the class list from school.

Nowadays landlines are more or less gone, so the card approach is a good one.

I would do this. Of course I’d have cards made up that say “Hoopy Frood who really knows where his towel is” as a screen for parents with similar sense of humor.

My kids would totally be up for this. I don't have business cards though

It’s surprisingly fast and cheap to print a 100 of them and have them mailed straight to your house.

Really? While I don’t do it, the alternative is having a kid come home with a scrawled phone number that may or may not be right along with a vague recollection of the name of the parent I am supposed to be calling. Things are a little less akward in our life but it may be because we are closer to what OP describes as grandparents I suppose.

I get the idea, but I would suggest the reaction to an attempt at lubricating social interaction as “cringe” is part of the issue OP is describing.

it's the only way it works. It took me MONTHS to get a hold of the number of my son's best friend's parents so that now we can organize maybe an afternoon of play every 4-5 weeks.

I thought a prime time for contacting the parents is right after school when picking up the kid. Everyone is there waiting, so it's just natural to chit chat, esp when the kids are friends.

Except when they ride the bus or are in after school or the parents dash in and out from being double parked.

I have certainly gotten to know some parents at pick up, but there’s a whole bunch I have not met.

I'd count also those memorable school talent shows/performances and events. Another reach out avenue is volunteering, these have a higher chance to match parents with similar availability at least.

My local school killed this with COVID. Now you are no longer able to stand and wait, everyone has to line up in their cars. Viva la community!

What are they going to do if you ignore this, out of curiosity?

It may be a good time for some small social disobedience to push back to how things used to be

That would require everybody get out of the car and get off their phones though

Why do all that, when you can sit in the comfort of a nice warm / cool dry vehicle and play videogames and listen to music?

My kids asked for them. They are under 10. (They asked me to write down my number to give to their friends. Business card is just as good.)

We don't have a landline, and there's no way in hell they're getting their own phones at that age.

This is something I think about with my kids when they get to that age. I was calling my friends (on their landlines, using our landline) regularly by then, talking to their parents en route to getting them on the phone, and arranging visits. My kids won't grow up in a world where that's something that happens, and I'm not sure how to support their social independence in a world where (as you say) it seems nigh-on-negligent for them to have their own phones.

There is a nascent movement of families bringing back landlines for exactly this reason

It would be one thing if it worked. The OP admits that their kids don't initiate socializing but also claims they aren't poorly socialized. Blaming every parent but themselves when their parenting resulted in kids that don't seem to try hard enough.

>The OP admits that their kids don't initiate socializing

Either you are I are reading it wrong, because I don't see anywhere in their comment where they say their own kids aren't initiating.

What they do say is that other parents are rarely initiating play dates.

Can you quote the part where they "admit that their kids don't initiate socializing"?

I did read this wrong.

> My spouse and I find that we are overwhelmingly the ones calling to organize playdates rather than vice versa.

I read that as his spouse and he were organizing rather than the kids organizing with friends when they're together at school or camp. That's what my kids do unless it's a birthday party or carpool.

They are under 10 years old and do not have their own phones, nor do their single digit aged friends. They have zero sense of proper scheduling. While we live in a good neighborhood, there are more than a few reckless drivers, and short kids are not always visible to good drivers who are distracted. Finally, if the police saw them and decided to follow, there's a very good chance I'd get a knock on my door and a possible child endangerment charge.

I didn't make this world.

I'll suggest you are thinking of the teenage years where anything involving your parents is mortifying.

That's not really the case with elementary school age kids.

If you are 5 year old it would most probably feel strange.