Quite true. I am not advocating for "always listen" and even if that brands me as a monster I very often do NOT advocate for "always be kind" -- there are many people whose problems I have zero patience for.
My bigger point was that if you consciously chose to sit or take a walk with that person and if you truly care then you should make sure they feel listened to and understood before giving advice -- if you give advice at all.
This presupposes that you care about that person which I'll immediately agree is not a given for most people you'll ever meet.
Re:Why doesn't advice work?
by kelseyfrog on Tuesday July 30, 2024 @03:53PM
(#41113458)
Absolutely. No one can listen or provide sympathy indefinitely. Trying to is a short path to burnout. Almost everyone could benefit from being listened to, but I have to remember, it doesn't always have to be me
Yup. Sometimes all the listening is doing is enabling a very dangerous situation.
If someone is the recipient of that kind of complaining as a kid from a parent, it would also explain some ‘don’t even try that towards me’ reactions.
That goes both ways, as many of the people I've run into who just want sympathy, can bring a lot of stress on the listeners. E.g. I can't take hearing complaints about abusive partners, etc so that they feel a little better for the moment, then they march right back to them.
Growing up with a serious complainer caused me to instinctively try and fix issues, and to avoid if you don't want that type of help.