I mean your experiences are your experiences. Yes, there are a lot of people in their late 30s who are nice people. The 40 year old virgin can be a great person or a terrible person, the guy or girl fucking everything in sight in their youth can be as well. The girl who slept around in her youth isn't doomed to be a bad mother. I'm not hand waving it away "both sides" or "it depends", but you are making huge sweeping generalizations. Even framing it as "bad" vs "good" person is weird to me in this context.

Anyway, I agree more with your approach than the actual number. Learn whatever lesson you need to learn and fix it. Be honest about it with your new partner. We all adjust our risk to others based on said factors. Obviously, if you have red flags I'm going to either need more assurance or time, and everybody has the ability to say no for whatever reason. If you told me you stopped fucking everything in sight last week and wanted a monogamous relationship now I'd have my doubts. This isn't license to be stupid.

40 year old virgin is a huge red flag. That signifies either major mental health/interpersonal issues or living a massively cloistered/religious existence, both of which are undesirable.

It couldn't mean possibly anything else?

I know, right? It could mean anything, like — just as a random, top-of-mind scenario — being in a coma through the ages of 18 to 39.

Of course. It's a movie reference. Very apt in this thread about modern action films where half of the participants opine baits.

Then there are near virgins, as the saying went "admittably, it is a pleasure, but the moves are not up to the dignity of a German philosopher"...

Some people are just ugly. And physical attractiveness is the number one criterion for partner selection, in both men and women[1].

I agree with you that paraplegics who haven't won any footraces is a huge red flag, Fuck those people.

[1] https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/E...

I always think this take is interesting.

I haven't dated before because I did have major issues. I'm much healthier now, but because I was respectful and opted not to date when I would have been a disaster, I am now an untouchable red flag.

Truthfully, this is one of those things you just need to not disclose/evade/lie about. You might be 100% better, but there are plenty of people who just get good at putting up a façade, but who revert to old behavior under stress. With a deep dating pool people won't risk it unless they're desperate, you are a huge winner in other ways, or they've gotten to know you pretty well already.

Honestly I'd just date women if I dated because lack of experience is way more normal in the gay community for obvious reasons. I just realized around 29-30 that the time had passed for anything having to do with men. (I'm female.)

But 'deep dating pool', the homosexual life is not.

ahh yes, setup a relationship on a lie and close the loop on major interpersonal issues. When in doubt, push the upcoming bursting bottle down to later you.

I think it's fair to avoid disclosing things that people would be unfairly prejudiced about. For example, Telling someone you're an ex con isn't communicating correctly when it was in your early 20s and you're in your 40s and literally a different person, but they won't be able to not think about it incorrectly.

I mean, it's not first date material (in general you're not giving your entire dark history on any first outing, romantic or not), but if you're years into your relationship and suddenly you get denied a credit check for a house or you get rejected for a background check in adopting... well, you just caused double tension from that rejection and that omission. You tell them that beforehand and you either see their true colors or you get to compromise and figure out future plans.

It should come up early on if you don't want to keep bottling that up. Better to cut your losses after a few dates than have a relationship explode later.

I partially disagree with your viewpoint. There are many reasons to have had many sexual partners without being an unhealthy individual. Travel for work would be one such example(or even for leisure).

Why do people need an excuse so? Just liking casual sex is fine, no excuse or justification needed whatsoever.

You don’t think having let’s say thousands of sexual partners is an unhealthy behavior?

I am not passing judgement, I am saying it’s probably not very wise.

Unless you have an orgy each weekend, thousands migjt be a tad difficult to achieve. If you do so, well, I don't see why it would be a problem per se, no. Or we talk about sex workers, in which case again, I don't see why it should be a problem.

No idea where this fear of STDs is coming from, condoms do exist...

Condoms aren’t super effective. 0.9^N success rates.

>Well, yes and no. Nobody wants to be that guy marrying a girl who slept around when younger

Sounds like you are just projecting your own issues onto everyone else. Not everyone has hangups with their sexuality.

> bad people don't become good. A guy fucking everything that moves ain't gonna become that dream father of your kids

You are equating "bad person" = "sleeps around", which tells me everything that I need to know about your views on sex.

Having had many partners is bad if it indicates someone has neuroticisms around sex/relationships or has major interpersonal issues that cause relationships not to last. There are people who sleep around and have a lot of relationships who don't enjoy smothering interpersonal closeness just for the sake of it, however if they found the right person they'd make great partners.

>The thing is, people don't change.

jezz, what a bullshit.

some people do, some dont.