People drawn to fighting fires are stereotypically brave, but they are also stereotypically arsonists themselves. The worst people to call when you notice a fire is the fire brigade. They'll just spread more fire! Evidence: they're admitting to burning undergrowth to stop wildfires. "Fighting fire with fire", these people are nuts!

Plus - firefighters: stereotypically buff and desirable. You'll lose your house and your partner.

The right person to call is a poet. Not otherwise associated with fire, handles a lot of paper. They hate fire!

Admirable take, but one with mixed and uncertain results;

    I am ashes where once I was fire,
     And the bard in my bosom is dead

To The Countess of Blessington

~ Mad, bad, & dangerous aka George Gordon, Lord Byron

You have to do your own due diligence here. Prefer poets whose words flow like a stream; avoid those known to set the hearts of their readers ablaze.

You're more right than you think (and less funny). As in many cases, the right person to call in the case of mental distress is a poet.