Based on my limited knowledge, many of the greats went through the same thing you did.

Thanks for putting things in perspective.

Curious what wave you are riding where drowning was a potential outcome in your mind? I’ve been stuck on the outside too scared to catch a monster in, but drowning never crossed my mind just getting the beat down and getting washed in or sucked back out and Potentially having to paddle some miles to a place that would be easier to get in. Dark with no moon would be unwelcome in that situation.

Many of our local offshore breaks in Western Australia have drowning as a potential outcome as a result of being beaten unconscious or washed under reef ledges.

It's rare but it happens at more or less the same frequency as fatal shark attacks - not often, but memorable.

eg: The Right

https://youtu.be/xjHaFOGBPzk?t=326

Yep that is a “serious” wave, thanks for sharing

As the other commenter noted, the waves where I was really afraid had some combination of shallow reefs or sandbars and strong currents. I’ve had a couple friends break their necks/backs at these places, but on milder days where it’s easy to get rescued and there are lots of people around. When I was in my darkest times I wouldn’t hesitate to paddle out by myself at these spots and take off too early/too late and hope for the best.

Honestly I never rode anything too gnarly, but I definitely was too much of a kook for some of them. Maybe I was overestimating the danger and it was beneficial overall?