But a motorcycle ride or a nice drive? Even doing the dishes? Now we’re talking! The mind and body are occupied in a mostly autonomus task so the rest of your brain can process and digest. It’s great.
Dare I say I almost enjoy doing chores now.
Another great option for me is boxing. For those 3 minutes in the ring, you are _not_ thinking about anything else. Whether you like it or not, your mind clears and focuses and only the sparring partner exists. It’s great.
You can get that level of focus on a motorcycle, but that gets a little dangerous for my taste. Maybe I should try going to a track.
YMMV especially if you’ve experienced some serious trauma.
It’s best to do DBT with a professional, but there’s a large community of DIY DBT practitioners out there. [1]
If your unable to investigate the source of some feelings (e.g. because your brain shuts down when you interrogate them) there is a new-ish practice for detangling your thoughts without all the interpersonal unpleasantness of Talk Therapy (that doesn’t mean it won’t be unpleasant in it’s own way).
It’s called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Again, working with a professional is best, but it’s possible to be successful with a DIY approach. [2]
Disclaimer: I’m not a professional in any form of health, mental or otherwise. I’m just a happy self-administered DBT & EMDR patient :)
Try going on walks, doing guided meditations, leaving your phone in another room and reading a book for 30 minutes. You'll find your brain slowly relax, think more creatively and in a more coherent fashion. It's painful at first, but it's the most important thing you can do.
I need to MOVE. I was not made to sit in silence and do nothing.
I was born to move, physically. After a long run, some weights, etc… I can sit and focus or be in silence.
To me the ability to sit in silence is just a test to see if you’re in a settled state.
But I also think that just sitting is a more advanced and more rewarding type of meditation. My belief is that it is a skill which can be practiced.
One technique is to go through each body part and relax it. Eventually it happens automatically.
I find it very difficult to sit in complete silence. It's as if the silence exerts some pressure on me. But I've recently discovered brown noise and it works wonderfully well for me.
It has become my go to sound/noise whenever I'm doing something that requires thinking. This is my favorite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P48QELwruQs
That's not what I'm suggesting.
What I'm suggesting is, when you drive - just don't have any music on. Just drive.
When you're showering, don't play a podcast - just shower.
When you're doing dishes, just do dishes quietly.
It's not dedicated quiet time. It's "don't fill in all parts of your day with information".
I find that if I need to be "attentive" then having something going on helps. For me it is podcasts while driving. Having nothing noise my mind tends to wander which isn't always ideal because my focus should still be on the road despite engaging my brain with passive knowledge.
But for the rest of your comments? I agree wholeheartedly. I used to have the headphones in walking dogs, listening to podcasts, but I've stopped doing that and find the time outside far more relaxing, because that is time I should let my mind wander and venture. At work? Music to fill the voids, but I mute it if I'm trying to roll over some sort of problem in my head. Other strategies such as leaving the desk or using physical mediums (writing / sketching problems in notebooks) help too, but that's not really where we're at in this discussion.
Ultimately I think people need to just be aware that how they troubleshoot and relax won't be the same as another's. But it takes discomfort and experimentation to find what works for you too. Try podcasts where you would use music. Try the opposite. Try nothing where you would try something. Find what helps, and always be willing to re-test with new/old atmospheres.
It's bonkers to me. I resolve so many of my own issues just... staring out the window, or staring at the ceiling.
I get that people are different, and we all have our different ways of going about things, but I just cannot imagine it is healthy to not let your brain "breathe" a bit sometimes.
I mostly sit with my noise cancelling headphones on, with no sound. And lately, I'm just moving towards not having them on at all when I'm not in meetings.
It's wonderful. There's a reason "silence is golden" after all. I actually still find classical music a bit distracting a lot of times even. A lot of the newer composers especially are particularly discordant.