jira's slow because it's a badly written piece of crap

requiring 20mb of data transfer for each page load isn't java's fault

Every company I worked for eventually used Jira, and it's always set up poorly to half-support a badly designed process. At this point that's just a regular Jira installation, I guess.

Java isn't slow, quite the opposite in fact.

https://www.techempower.com/benchmarks/#section=data-r21

Don’t worry, enterprise Java programming patters will fix that “performance” thing right up. Call a function? Goodness no, not without an helper class being instantiated first. Oh you wanted to instantiate a helper class? Better call a factory to do that. Not directly - have you heard of Dependency Injection? We configure that via XML here.

See? Fast performance isn’t a problem any more. You can make it go away in the time it takes you to load Jira.

JVM startup time is how it got that reputation, I'm guessing benchmarks tend to exclude that.

Back in the early/mid 2000s, Java-based applications often had a Java splashscreen as it loaded, so even non-technical people made the association.

Java is not slow.

Indeed. We moved off of JIRA years ago, but not that many years ago that this isn't still funny every time I think of it:

    veidr 2016-08-22
    Haha, JIRA is very "enterprisey":
    > Unable to find source-code formatter 
    > for language: python. Available 
    > languages are: actionscript, html, 
    > java, javascript, none, sql, xhtml, xml

That's me commenting, but I can find it easily whenever I want just by searching my company's chat for "XHTML".

We were using their hosted service, and it was a dumpster fire inside a meth lab...

(I did have a fine experience with JIRA before, though I want to say it was 20+ years ago (?) but my takeaway was that you needed a full-time JIRA admin person (and of course back then "on-premises" wasn't a thing, because it was the only thing...))