Obviously it's not a bar where you're looking for a one night stand or a casual hookup. But churches as a general rule encourage their congregations to get together in a myriad of social settings. So yeah, if you were looking to meet a person who shared similar beliefs and values to you, joining a church would be a pretty decent way to get frequent exposition to those people.
I don't attend a church now, but my parents were heavily involved in our local Catholic church when I was a kid. Not a week went by where I wasn't taken to some sort of social event - fish fries, Sunday 'socials' (i.e. donuts and coffee after mass), volunteering opportunities. Not to mention just general small talk after services.
If you didn't grow up religious, it's really hard to oversell just how much church events are part of your life, and how much the people you meet can become a community for your family. My dad loves to tell a story of how one year they gave a family friend a few hundred dollars around Christmas, because they knew the guy had just lost his job. A few years later, unprompted, they returned the favor, at a time that turned out to be really helpful for my family.
I don't take my family to church but I do really miss the communal aspects of the whole enterprise, and wish there was a good way to get a similar vibe without the aspects of religion I don't like. But I think there is something special about a group of people with a shared commitment to a set of beliefs that makes the upsides of church difficult to replicate in secular settings.
YMMV. Just my own experience and rambling.
Wrong assumption. I was attempting to be humourous. But yes I could see how you could find a life partner at church.
Maybe there's a Unitarian Universalist congregation near you?
Literature clubs, language classes. Literally any hobbie that does not require you to stay focused on device that may cut off your fingers if you look away.
Ugh, last time I checked there's an awful lot of hobbies - a wide range - which requires you just that.
Computers aren't for doing some specific thing. They are for doing pretty much everything - through them.
But hobbies are an opportunity for repeated exposure to strangers. Lots and lots and lots of people start casual friendships that can turn into romantic ones.
Using a hobby as a meat market: deeply uncool, and people will notice very quickly.
Using a hobby as a way to meet people, and having one of those relationships turn romantic: totally natural!
It’s a very fine line, yeah, but trust me, it is extremely obvious which one people are doing.
Also it depends what you mean by flirting. If you join a class and immediately start trying to pull every person of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your thing), that just gives the vibe of being there for the wrong reason. If on the other hand you meet someone doing a thing you wanted to do anyway, and a friendship blossoms, that seems to be the point at which you start flirting.
The hardest part in any relationship (at least if you are a shy person without much of experience) is to start talking. It's much easier to talk to someone if you already know each other. Work\clubs etc - provide a great ground for a first step(s)
Obviously people will turn away from you if you just came by to flirt.
>as ferociously as doing it at the office
People always flirt in the office thouth. In many cases they do this naturally and even without any thought about any kind of continuation. In many cases they are in a relationship even.
Flirtin is not only about sex, in fact it is more about sharing with other people "youtube pickup masters")
So the original question is how people find relationships IRL (outside dating apps). Some answer just get a hobby. But then the same problem remains as you can see.
The same thing can be applied for working in an office. People do get relationships in an office but you would be a turnoff if you said you're looking for a relationship when applying for a job.
So for people looking for relationships primarily, what should they do outside dating apps? Or should they just repress their desire and live their life? If they meet one in hobbies or offices, great! If not, c'est la vie.
So yes, get hobbies that you are genuinely interested in, but cultivate ones that can be pursued in a more social way and that have a decent representation of the demographic you're interested in. Then be open and friendly, but don't actively look for romance. Get the rest of your life in order in that manner and it'll happen as a side-effect.
The problem of course is that it is easier done in certain cultures and environments than others. E.g. probably much easier in some slower university town in continental Europe than in some busy car-centric US city. Also easier if you have a more relaxed working life than a busy career with only barely enough free time to eat and sleep. And if people are generally are more open and social and are not all holed in in their apartments online.
Arguably, in a lot of the developed world the culture and the environment has become very unconducive for such things, especially in the last 15 years. Watching older European movies from the 70s, you can really see how much things have changed.
What is left? Literally every other social activity one engages in?
This implies one has energy and resources for social activities. A big chunk of the US is broke and/or exhausted at the end of the week.
I would contest this. Don't apps do exactly this, on a global scale? They bring people closer at all times, have regularity, and even have silly competitions, self-promotion , and all ways for people to 'hook up' with each other.
Of course, in any physical space there is only a limited amount of people so competition is lower and possibly that s why there are more compromises. in a global contest only the olympic athletes win.
And while remote work is certainly going to be a huge factor, things have changed a whole decade before remote work became mainstream
On the other hand, let's do the same analogy and replace partners with friends for the goals of apps. I think it would be obvious to many that these wouldn't be good platforms to build strong friendships on. If Tinder is the equivalent of asking someone out at a bar it is also similar to approaching someone at a bar and asking them to be your best friend. It might happen, but odds likely aren't in your favor, and especially not if you're not someone that likes to go bar hopping.
No. "Same place" means here "same people, repeatedly over prolonged periods of time". Dating apps are, AFAIK, not making same people to keep in contact "until the spark comes".
Reduction in inhibition is the main reason alcohol is so beloved in society. Otherwise, most people don't get laid...
There might be another factor here, that office relationships are far more taboo than they used to be. I'm not saying harass your office mates, but if two people click they click. Like you're saying, it isn't that the office is a place "to look" for a partner, but rather that it simply happens because you build emotional bonds with people you spend time with and have shared experiences with.
Yes, 100% this is correct. Proximity is everything. When people "bump" into each other frequently, they are more likely to start conversations, more likely to get to know each other, and naturally, hook up.
This is why the "third place" concept is so important. Home is the 1st, Office 2nd, but you generally need another place where people just hang out. This might be a community pool, garden, plaza etc. Somewhat more restricted 3rd places are coffeeshops, bars, art galleries, museums, libraries etc.
I believe that cities that want to attract people should invest heavily in creating these places. e.g. Austin built a First Class public library; I was extremely skeptical about that investment, but when the library opened, its a work of art!
This is why people meet in high school (4 years)/college(4 years)/at the office (40 years). With the move to remote work in many places we've cut off the office part - where people had the most time to find a partner. What replaces that? Nearly everyone I know who is married met in one of those 3 places. I met my wife in the office before remote work was common (today we are both 100% remote).