> there is no such thing as a "friend." there are only people who will pretend to be a partner or friend in order to make it easier for them to steal from you unnoticed

Um. No. A thousand times, "no." Yes, there are people that will steal from you and there are people who will pretend to be your friend. Friends totally exist.

We recently moved and our old neighbors and friends are taking care of the yard for us while it sells. For no other reason than to help. When we arrived to the new house, a new neighbor came over to help unload the truck just to help out. We've been here months and aside from casual greetings, that has been the extent to our relationship -- not a friend (yet!) and still not having other motivations. I help people when and where I can whenever. I once had an oncoming car flip and nearly collide with me. I stopped, helped them out, and waited for the tow truck and gave them a ride home, just because they needed some help. I never saw them again.

I'm sorry that your experiences have jaded your view. Know that your experiences are not universal. Maybe you need a new environment.

I don't think you're describing friends there, that's more like being a good human being. Friends demand a certain kind of loyalty, an involvement with their personal lives, and personal beliefs. Friends seem to slowly pull you in as one of their family members, and that is a big commitment. If it works out then you have a good friend, but more often than not people are raised differently and slowly drift away. I'm only describing good friends here. There are also bad friends who have only their own interests in mind, often consciously manipulative.

Good friends are a privilege. It requires time, effort, and resources, which directly correlate to the kind of friends you will have. Many people cannot afford good friendships, especially if you grow up in a broken household. So it's not so much that friends are a solution to a problem, but rather it's a reward for being successful.

> We recently moved and our old neighbors and friends are taking care of the yard for us while it sells. For no other reason than to help. When we arrived to the new house, a new neighbor came over to help unload the truck just to help out.

when people help me move they have always gone through my boxes before lifting them up. multiple things go missing every time I enlist help moving.

once a neighbor asked to watch the house while I was gone for two weeks. sure, thanks! I came back to a destroyed house and people showing up late at night for weeks asking "is this the party house". my neighbor moved out while I was away for that two weeks and gave the keys to someone else, and told them to "go nuts", I was later informed.

anyone with a list of positive experiences with other people is ... well they're not on the planet that I'm on.

Hell is other people, heh? You're being downvoted for what I think is an obvious reason, but seeing as your comment says what it does, maybe you are not aware.

You cannot love without risking a heartbreak, and you cannot experience friendship without risking a betrayal or a slow drift apart. But a friendship or a love do not have to be defined by the fact that they end, or how they end, and instead appreciated by the good moments they provide you. Your life will also end, and it is not a waste because of that, it is still worth living, so I'd encourage you to be more trustworthy and enjoy the ride a bit more.

If you always have problems with other people, other people aren't the problem

this is exactly the response I expected, and it has been delivered right on time.

you have proven my point: humans are assholes, and see whatever they need to see to justify how they treat others. you have taken 0.5 seconds of time to believe that you have figured out my problem, in it's entirety, and then made that statement in order to feel superior to me by telling me that it's my fault.

do you really, really think that this has not occurred to me? that I have not taken steps for years to address it? I have. for 20 years I have paid for professional help, and nothing in this situation has changed except me.

for some reason, you felt compelled to tell me that you fully understand the situation that I am living in and that I do not understand the situation I am living in. you are a perfect illustration of the problem I am describing.

thanks, I guess. I expected exactly this and you gladly provided it.

Funny, when discussing many situations such as poverty, career opportunities, or physical health issues, negative experiences leading to a pessimistic outlook is usually accepted, and met with acknowledgement of inequalities or systemic issues. Suggesting otherwise is sometimes even taboo.

But attempt to share the same kind of experience-informed outlook on friendship and sociality, and the same empathy is rare. This outlook seems to deeply and profoundly bother people who presumably have had positive experiences, and the coping mechanism seems to be either insistence on a supposed “friendship meritocracy” (just do these things and have a happy attitude and you’ll find friends!) or by skipping straight to vitriol. The response is fascinating in its own right, really.

In parent's defense, you are posting on a public forum introducing a position that is likely to create some level of pushback. Note that you use categorical language like:

<< there is no such thing as a "friend."

which could draw an uncharitable take.

I can't say I completely disagree, but there are literally billions humans on this earth. I would like to think at least one token good human exists?

Why do you anticipate you will be lonely in a decade's time(but not currently)? And do you think you are a toxin based on your observation of the general species?

unfortunately, humans are a social species and the toll of being alone adds up over time. I try to avoid people so that I don't darken their day and they don't darken mine. I consider staying away from others a very small gift to them.

people are mean, selfish assholes and are by default competitive and adversarial, by nature.

we are a doomed species, and are unworthy of existence, in my opinion.

When I was walking under a cloud, it really helped year-to-year to pay someone to listen and talk through my thoughts and feelings.

I'm not under a cloud.

I have paid for therapy for 20 years.

the world is filled to the top with people who lie, cheat, and steal, because those things are easier than working, waiting, and being nice.

the earth is a hellscape full of people waiting to feed on everything you have.

Ah, I see. Well, I hope you find peace and pleasure in your solitude.

Thanks for sharing, human history is indeed littered with brutal events and these things build further hate for future generations, if they choose not to let go of the past.

Despite that, the world and the universe has almost unlimited beauty, but it is ultimately up to an individual person to find and see it.

Sounds like you're in a dark place. I hope things improve.

When in doubt, read some Tolstoy:

https://en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Twenty-three_Tales/Two_Old_...

This is pretty relatable. Not sure I'd say "unworthy", as that's hard to measure. Instead, I'd just say that consciousness seems to lead directly and inevitably to misery. And following Qohelet from thousands of years ago, those who are no longer conscious, or never were, are the best off.

We'll all be dead quite soon. In the meantime, I enjoy going out into nature a bit (waterfalls are great), and more reliably, having a pet. I think this is the best that this world has to offer. Godspeed.

That is not a good world view. I imagine you've been through a lot to get to the point where you feel like that. Have you tried finding a friend group that has a mutual hobby to bond over?

it is an accurate world view, in my experience. friends and partners are in no way worth it. I lose every time and the pain is too much.

how everyone does it is unknown to me. life isn't just hell, it's torture. noting gained and constant emotional pain.

they do it through a lot of medication and anesthetics and sedatives that get them through the day

Not sure if you mean it seriously or not. Not even sure to what degree this is accurate, but definitely to some, because coffee is probably[0] most common form of self-medication on the planet, followed by cigarettes, and then alcohol and weed are two well-known anesthetics and sedatives.

It's somewhat common view that coffee is the one legal performance drug almost everyone uses to keep up with their job demands, but it's less recognized that it can - and likely is - used to cope with other people. Alcohol is definitely used for the latter.

----

[0] - Feels obviously true, by a far margin, but the world is big and I haven't exactly done a study.

It sounds, and I say this in genuine concern, that you may benefit from getting professional help with your mood and perceptions.

[Depression lies to you] “Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can have a resounding impact on how we view the world and how we think the world views us.”

If you had a higher quality of life you wouldn't feel this way and like friends and partners arent worth it.

You deserve a higher quality of life

the reason it hurts, ironically, is because you haven't grieved/let go of what you wish friends/society were like instead

It's like a partial 'loss of innocence' limbo, puts you in a weird danger zone that is more vulnerable than either polarity

-- actual innocence (i.e. children) rightly elicits strong protection and guidance

-- completed loss of innocence/full acceptance/adult cynicism is being totally okay (and no longer upset or bitter) with the world not owing you anything and there being invisible unfair rules of status games everywhere.

These people are adults climbing the status games they're born into and earning points at their own pace are basically happy and making progress, even modestly or fake/meaninglessly (consumer goods etc)

Getting stuck somewhere between these stages, tho, is painful because every human interaction pokes at an open wound.

(I'm working thru this myself so I empathize)

If you can't stop seeing beyond the game, wishing for a different cards, bitter at the rules being a certain way for your society/geography/time, being contradictory, or changing too quickly etc, you won't be good at the game because your spirit is essentially undercutting you at every play. "Your heart isn't in it" so to speak.

It's how the most sensitive see-thru-the-matrix type children end up when they grow too old for anyone to care, because they just won't let go of how they (idealistically) wanted it to be. A rare amount of these people also have amazing talents, so their insights combine to create art, but the vast majority that can't outgrow it or sublimate it basically just get stuck.

There comes a point where you decide you have to play the best you can with real spirit of society as you find it, so as to win the prizes available.

I remember once I finally handled myself well at a party, was the right amount of cute girl/ charming/ sophisticated/ intriguing/ status signaling stuff to kinda prove to myself I could put the effort in.

And what was discouraging was not that it was 'fake' which was my original juvenile complaint, but rather that the prize for doing really well at a social game is ...being invited to another party to play again next time.

This prize is everything to some people (who can turn each game into endless secondary benefits/opportunity) but pretty disappointing to other types who keep wishing the prize was different, deeper, or magical somehow

They could make themselves play and win if only the prizes were better...

on the other side of the spectrum, it's like how young natural 'politicians' can fully see that socializing is transactional and instead of being upset their thinking attunes to those invisible lines of power like a duck to water: wow the world is one big competition, wow that's so neat, hmm lets see, what do i have to offer and what can you do for me?

there is something to at least seeing with curiosity other people's survival strategies and emotional different reactions to the lay of the land, so to speak. Not to become them, but at least to see the options.

You know how therapy people say acceptance is letting go of the hope for a better past?

in a way, lonely/cynical/bitter people have to let go of their hope for a better game.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that all people are a toxin, but a lot are, that's for sure.