> At Firefighters, firefighting is our top priority. We recently discovered that our base of operations caught fire and, as the fire hydrants and fire extinguishers did not work, it was incinerated.

An absurd, insane message.

> Why did firefighters have my stuff?

We know your stuff not catching on fire is important to you. That’s why we gather it up into large fpiles, then do the minimal we’re legally required to technically avoid committing arson. For more information on how we and our trusted partners douse our pile of your stuff with gasoline while using our warehouses to hotbox cigars, weed and crack, see our 1000 page “not stealing and then getting high and catching your stuff on fire policy”.

At Samsung, like at every other company, perception management is a top priority. And we will never understand why managing perceptions while ignoring reality always fails.

The iconic “yes we do have a security department” doublespeak.

hmmm