To me there has never been anything wrong with money being one of my motivations, although I always balanced it with family life and enjoyment of the job.
I worked two or three jobs a day for a generation so I could have enough money. I wasn’t safe when I grew up, and I have never felt “above that” ;) My kids grew up safe. Money means I can take care of my family’s substantial medical bills and have some reserve if things get wonky. It means my farm is completely paid off, no mortgage and no credit card debt. Having money saved meant that when I was fired from one gig I could take nine months off to level up my skills and get the best job of my life. Money meant that we could get a new roof when we needed one, as opposed to spending years when I was a kid with pots strategically located under holes in the ceiling during winter.
Nothing wrong with treating money like the valuable tool it is. To me it’s amazing that you are able to turn the spigot on and off (not being facetious).
Don’t expect that putting 10,000 hours into something will solve any of your social issues.
Or the other thing I thought you were going for- share your skill with people. For instance if you are a good photographer offer to take pics for Birthday parties or something. There’s your way to meet people.
Fantastic idea. That also worked for me but I wasn’t smart enough to mention it. Thank you.
My earlier reply was kind of blunt. My point was probably that one shouldn’t expect to solve personal issues by waiting for a turn in career or skills development. I lucked out in an unexpected way that put me in the 1%, with skills that happen to be in demand in the current frothy VC environment, and yet my emotional problems are exactly the same as ten years ago. Turns out it’s entirely orthogonal.
However, doing nothing is very likely to lead to nothing.
I know this is anecdata but for me going to the gym is great but is an antithesis of a place when you make new relationships. I was going to a gym and a swimming pool for a couple of years and I met zero new people - practically no any discussions except an occasional "Hi!".
But it's always better when the exercise itself is semi-social, not a solo activity. Cycling groups can work well or meeting people, but cycling on its own doesn't really help. Same with running and swimming.
There are much better ways to beat loneliness. This only creates problem not just to the individual but to the society. Less religion is better.
I would hate to be religious on Hacker News and see my beliefs - maybe very important and personal to me, maybe the core my family and community - scorned and dismissed out of hand. In that respect, HN is not a place of wisdom, intellect, and learning.
Not that it matters, but I've never managed to make friends going to the gym. Still love going of course and its worth doing, but at least for me and the gym I go to, its not really a social space.
That’s pretty unusual self awareness. Respect. Glad you’re asking for help.
Let me proffer some of the obvious suggestions: D&D type of gaming (not for me but my adult child has met many great people that way), going to the gym, yoga class, chamber of commerce, get involved with a charity that means something to you, start going to church.
Try talking to people but when I say talking I really mean listening with all your heart, and being interested in them. Everyone has a story. If you’re genuinely interested, they will reveal everything within a few minutes. my kids make gentle fun of me for interviewing people, but I just like to listen to what people are really saying and respond by learning more about them. (If you are sincere it will incidentally help you enormously with women.)
A slightly less obvious one: get really good at something. When I do this I shoot to be better than about 80% of people, which you can usually do with raw work and without requiring some kind of genetic superiority. If you do it right the process is rewarding, and the outcome is also rewarding. Get fluent at a challenging language like Chinese or Arabic? Work out enough to get fairly ripped? Give away something great on GitHub? You’re a recruiter if your username applies, and maybe just focus on making a lot of money? That sounds shallow and you don’t have to take it very seriously, but I have learned that getting better than most people at some kind of lucrative or socially valued skill just helped me enormously, and you can you can usually do that simply by working hard and with common sense. The reason I harp on this angle is that when you’re pretty darn good at something, it attracts people. And getting good at something usually requires that you take on multiple topics well at once, which makes you feel better about yourself.
You can reach out to me via the email address in my profile and we can chat if you want. I have no agenda but I’m a decent listener.