We thought we were terrible no good parents with our first child, who is a little bit more on the sensitive and emotional side, with quite a bit of anxiety also. None of the advice from anyone worked, friends, family, parents, siblings, internet. Still not the easiest child at 5, but easier. Second child arrived, mentally prepared for the same challenges… and what a textbook kid, three years on.

Super chill, knocked all the milestones out of the park, easy to console, cheerful, little peacemaker, apple of big brother’s eye, makes us look like amazing parents.

I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them.

> I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them.

That's probably the only generally applicable parenting advice. Glad you got an easy one second time around :)

It’s amazing how much pressure first time parents can put on themselves. The number of expectations is insane and impossible, and makes an already stressful situation worse.

Our first was difficult as well and advice never really applied. As a baby heavy metal actually worked well, which horrified my mother - but it’s all about finding something that works to calm them. Great closing sentiment, so I’ll paraphrase: it will be hard to love your child sometimes. Love them always, keep them safe, treat them well, and show them the beauty in the world. What seems hard will get easier.

That Seth Rogen film "Knocked up" got it right:

Katherine Heigl: But I had a plan!

Ken Jeong: Baby don't care!

Hear hear.

I give one piece of advice, heavily caveated, that running a vacuum cleaner helped calm my newborns when we brought them home from the hospital (advice from nurses line when our oldest was inconsolable at 4 days old). I then follow up that everyone parent is going to have advice that worked for them and their baby, and it can be tiring to hear but typically comes from a place of love. The parent-to-be will figure out what works for them. Reach out for help, they aren't alone, and so on.

The best time to give advice about the first 3 months is when your kids are 3 months old. After that, the kids change and parenting changes too and you're likely to forget what worked at age 3 months. Someone with 10 year old kids has probably forgotten a lot of what they figured out when the kids were babies.

You may also still be too close to it to realize some things you will later figure out with introspection/hindsight/some things not being apparent as having been a good or bad idea until a later age. And if it's your first kids you are also likely to overgeneralize what worked for your kids to a generic advice that works for everyone.

10/12 years in and sometimes I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. One thing I know is that what works for one of my children probably doesn't work for the others let alone for other people's children.

It's like someone going through bootcamp giving advice (actually just describing their experience) about the first months of bootcamp - a perfectly sensible thing to do.